Fall in Black and White 

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A Plight We Can All Agree On

Today’s blog is a visual one. 

It’s a Great Life 

I was recently at a wedding for a member of my adopted family and I was having the most amazing time just seeing everyone I love so much. At one point I was talking to a friend I’ve known since high school and she introduced me to a woman I had never met before who was sitting with us.  After the normal cordial greetings the woman looked at me and asked me, “so how’s your life treating you”? As if she had known me for years and wanted to catch up.  I was a bit taken back by this question from this virtual stranger.  Do I tell her the truth of do I give her the socially preferred answer like , “good! How’s yours”?  

 I didn’t really know the truth.  I hadn’t how life was treating me in some time. I  went straight into my deep thoughts and started a survey in my head “weeeeeelll, I have way more good days then bad days.  I usually like my job.  I’m healthy for the most part so that’s good.  But, I am not really excited about anything”.  After about thirty seconds I decided I didn’t know what to say about my life so I was going to go with the social norm response.  Suddenly my old friend pipes in and says, “oh my god!!! LoLa has the best life! I want her life!   She is always going places and doing all these fun things. I can barely keep up with her instagram posts!  I’m jealous of her life all the time”!

All I could think was, “wow! Is that how she feels about my life, she’s jealous? That’s both sad for her and really cool for me.” Then in my mind I saw her day in and day out, in her dark home with her full range of sons from high school to grade school. Dealing with the daily routine and monotony of life. Maybe not even attracted and most  definitely irritated by her man.  That’s when I got out of my head and looked at her, I mean really looked at her and her eyes were sparkeling and she was all lit up suddenly.  She was getting excited talking about my life! “This is so crazy that her energy would change as she spoke of someone else’s existence and yet so very cool for me to realize that’s how someone else sees my existence as so amazing.  Then it occurred to me, “I guess I do have a pretty great life”. 

That’s when I turned to the woman who originally asked me the “how’s life” guestion in the first place and finally responded, “life is great!  My old friend here is right, I have a great life”! And with that the woman barely mustard a “well that’s nice” before she turned and walked away.  

I don’t know if I took to long to answer? Or if she was overwhelmed by how great my life was? Or if she was just trying to have a superficial polite chit chat with me and could care less? Her lack of interest in my life really didn’t bother me.  I was still spinning from the acceptance that “my life is great” realization. 

It was a good day in LoLa-Land

Back In My Body Again

It’s ten thirty or half past ten
Whichever way you look at doesn’t matter to me
I’m here stuck on my ass again
With nothing to do but lay here and watch T.V

The birds were chirping outside all day
The sun was shinning too
While I laid broken listening to children play
Which only made me feel blue

Again I decided to jump outside of my body
Living a blissful life of a carefree soul
Some people would call it being naughty
Having fun and playing hard is how I role

Things always start to catch up to me
Reminding me that I am not super woman
Doesn’t matter if it’s a concussion or a busted knee
I am struck with the realization that I am only human

Whatever it is that happens
It usually stops me in my tracks
I halt my gums from flappen
Start taking stock in what life lacks

My bodies usually broken down long enough
It’s usually the right amount of time in the end
Even though the slowing of life may be tuff
It allows my soul to jump back in into my body again

Justice 

So funny story – in June of 2016 my extended family and I went to San Diego. My nieces and I went shopping one day and my oldest niece had her iPhone stolen. (Not funny I know). Well, fast forward to two weeks ago while I was in Mexico when a woman (we will just call her asshat to protect her identity) from Illinois contacted me on WhatsApp asking me if I know My niece. I was confused and said “yes why?” Asshat- I purchased her phone on eBay and I need her Icloud password!

Me- that phone was stolen

Asshat- no it isn’t I have a recite (believe it or not this was her spelling for receipt not mine) it cost me $100!

Me- my niece is a minor with no credit card. No eBay account that phone was stolen at the mall. 

Asshat- who stole it? (OMF really?)

After much dialogue with her we decided she would contact eBay and report the phone stolen and get in contact with my mom (because I’m in Mexico, she purchased the phone and my sister has no time to deal with it). My Mom then confirmed with eBay that all she had to do was turn the phone into the police and she would get her money back. Meanwhile, asshat calls my mom and says, “I will not be taking it to the police station. You can send me $112 and I will send you the phone.”

My mom who has even less tolerance to bullshit me or my sister do, hung up. (There will be no ransom paid here!). Her and her friend Randy then sleuthed the web and found out (given the info we had) that Asshat lives in a small town in Illinois but used to live in San Diego! (Shit just got real). Oh and that she’s on “sugar-babes” which is a website looking for rich men.  (We have a real winner here!) 

My mom contacted the police in Mrs Asshats town and spoke to the sergeant (we think there’s only one) before they closed at 5pm (not kidding) and he said he actually knew Mrs Asshat, but he could not just ask for the phone, he would need a police report filed to be able to get a warrant. So, the next biz day my mom goes to the police dept in our city and files a report. I believe the conversation with the police went something like this,

Police – “ma’am you really want to file a report on a 2014 (or 2015 I can’t remember) refurbished I phone”? (Totally scratching their heads in like “what the Fuck” Style). 

Mom- “yes! I don’t like being messed with and I’m retired and have tons of time.” She says proudly “Plus I have a sergeant willing to deal with it”.    

The cops look at her like really? 

Mom- “yeah I think he’s the only sergeant and they close at five”.   

Our police got a good laugh and said “ma’am you would need proof of purchase and a serial number”. 

Wouldn’t you know my mom had all of that because she originally purchased the phone! (Hello, SUPER GRANDMA!! Do you all have this info on your phone?). So, my mom files the report and sends it to the bored sergeant in Illinois. Where he has actually found a judge willing to order a search warrant for this $100 phone. (We think Mrs asshat was already on their radar for something else. Who knows, maybe this is  like a Al Capone tax evasion thing). The sergeant got the detective (as in we think there is only one) to go and deliver the warrant. 

Meanwhile Asshat has texted my mom something about “send me some money damn”! (Really?! Are you f’ing kidding me lady?) my niece said Asshat kept changing my nieces iCloud picture to a picture of herself with my nieces name and my niece kept changing it back. 

Well, yesterday the warrant was served and the phone was retrieved and it will be sent back to my sister asap. Unfortunately they were not at liberty to share Mrs Asshat was arrested or not but Justice has been served! 

We are all thankful for my mom! thankful for the low crime rate in this one town of Illinois and that people don’t get away with messing with my family (especially not when they are retired!) 

It’s Fever Time

So, here it is again Fever time!!  It came on me fast and furious this year .  Everything aches.  I mean everything! Seriously, even my teeth hurt.  My jaw feels like someone punched me. My ears are clogged my throat feels like I swalled nails and I have no energy! NADA! I’m freezing one minute and laying in my own sweat the next (it’s really quite sexy).  

That fastest I have moved all day is when I fell out of my bed.  I laid on the floor for awhile before I had enough strength to climb back into bed.   At one point I had to kill a huge spider crawling over my bed on the ceiling.  I was so unsteady and exhausted just from standing up on my bed I  almost ripped the ceiling fan out trying to get the spider.  

I refuse to cry or get all emotional about being pathetically sick because then I just won’t be able to breath through my nose and as of right now I still have that function. These are the times I really miss being a part of a couple.  These are the times I wish someone would just hold me and stroke my hair.  But instead when I’m hungry, I drag my ass to the kitchen and cook myself some food. When my nose is running I am the one that locates some Kleenex. 

However, I am also all alone to do what ever I want to. If I want to eat dry wheaties and drink whisky all day while watching multiple reruns of Sex and The City no one is going to stop me. If I want to baracade the outside of my home with that yellow caution tape and not speak to another living soul for a week I can do that too.  All I know is I don’t have the energy right now to caution tape my house and I don’t have the energy to care that no one else is here to do it for me.  

Just another heated day in LoLa-Land

Country Song

My man left me for a coffee and never came back
He said all he needed was some caffeine
He left about a year ago and didn’t even pack
It was our last sunrise in the final scene

He loaded the rifle and said no goodbyes to me
He then drove away in my new truck
He said he was gonna fire off some amo you see
I didn’t realize I was the sitting duck

My man said I was just too much to handle
Especially after they said ” “last call”
His love was just like a wick-less candle
Pretty to look at but not useful at all

My man wasn’t man enough to fill his boots
Even though He thought he was better than me
He made love as good as he shoots
He missed his target then shouted obscenities

I used to hate my man for leaving me alone
Then I saw the error of my ways
I know longer worry about if he roams
Because my aim is better than his any day

Alone! Alone, alone, all alone

I’ve been very alone since the new year started.  I know it’s a trend in my life because I am so often times unbelievably busy the first quarter of the year and I tend to loose sight of what’s going on with those around me.   But, I am now coming out from the death grip that work has had on me and I’m looking around and no one is here. All of my friends have partnered up with someone And they seem to be just not that available.  

Normally, in the past this feeing of being alone has frietened me into a panic stricken state of worry and wondering, “oh my god is this loneliness!  What if I become lonely? What if I remain all alone!?”  And yet this year I am not upset at all.  I realize that loneliness is a state of mind not a state of being.  I realize that I love my alone time. I love even more not having to work while I’m having my alone time. I don’t fear the length of time between visits with friends and lovers. I am just as excited to lay on my bed sideways and play solitaire as I am To go have dinner with a friend.

The only thing I tend to worry about now with regards to my being alone; is, what if I become so used to being alone I can’t at some point handle someone else in my space?  I don’t want to become one of those woman who are so set in their ways that they can’t budge just a bit to accommodate someone else. I know these are premature fears for me to have; as I have only truly been single a few years. For me to worry about such things is a futile waste of my time and harmful to this body I’m in. Why stress about something now when it may cause me stress again later?  Why not just deal with that when And if I need to?  

Just another self-perspective evening in LoLa-Land

Brawny Man

I went out last night with a man I’ve been dating. He wanted to take me to meet his friends at Trivia night (which I am horrible at Trivia by the way).  I of course was dreading the trivia but fully enjoying the idea of meeting his friends.  The Brawny man ( I call him the Brawny Man because he looks just like the papaertowel guy) and I have been dating since mid December and had already hit a few rough patches.  We both have amazingly complex schedules, that never seem to align very easily.  Last night was the first time I had been able to spend any quality time with him since two weeks prior.  I was excited just to be able to see him. 

Last night,walked in to the bar and he immediately introduces me to the hostess for the evening and says to her, ” Claire this is Rah… I mean LoLa”. They both laughed and I was irritated. “Apparently, he’s getting me mixed up with his other girl” I said to Claire and then her and I giggled.  For some reason Brawny Man didn’t find it funny. 

So, we’re sitting at trivia hanging with his crew. A bunch of young good looking dudes all in their mid 20’s just taking off in life and Brawny Man is 47; myself, a whopping 43. I was having a great time being surrounded by all the smart, young, sexy guys in the room, feeling much like a mother Hubbard. Then one of them mentioned that it had been a month since they had played. They all concurred with him and patted themselves on the back to show in their manly way they missed each other; brawny man included.  All the while I stood there wondering where the fuck Brawny Man had been if he hadn’t been at Trivia the last four Thursday’s? Because, that is where he told me he was.

I laid low and said nothing. I know enough from my life lessons to check my facts before I freak.  We stopped to get gas on the way home and while he pumped I checked my text history with him and sure enough last Thursday he was going to Trivia and then coming to my house at 9. He showed up at my house At 10:30 but not before texting me that his group came in fifth place. All I was thinking was  “dude, he straight up lied to me”!  As I sat there burning up from the inside. 

He got back in the car and I say, “who did you play trivia with last week if they were all gone?” 

“I didn’t play Trivia last week” he replied

“Yes you did” I insisted 

“No” He insisted as well

“Then what did you do?” I asked him

“I don’t know why?” He asked me

Irritated at his avoidance “you told me you were at Trivia”. 

“No” he answered 

“Mmmmm yeah!  you said you were going to trivia and that you guys came in fifth and you were sitting around talking and that’s why you were so late coming over.”  I reiterated the text I had just reread.  

“Honestly, I don’t remember what I did sorry” was all he gave me. 

I was so pissed instead of asking him to spend the night I told him to drop me at my front gate.  I didn’t even want him to enter my complex. He drove away before I was even safe inside the gate which I felt was very ungentlemanly.  (A man should always make sure a woman is safe before he drives away, no matter how angry he may be) 

Later he told me he wasn’t going to make up excuses about something he doesn’t remember. That he probably went to a movie and dinner for some alone time because I was such a drain on his time off.  This message only further enraged me as I had seen him for all of four hours all of last week. The week before I saw him only two night, this week I was supposed to see him two nights.  Next week we only had two nights available as well. How on earth is that me taking up his time?.  Most woman I know expect a daily visit from their men and honestly aren’t we supposed to want to be with each other?

I was so mad all I could say or think were a bunch of rude snarky comments so I said, ” you lied last week about what you were doing even though you knew I was unavailable. Why would you even need to lie about going to a movie if you knew I couldn’t impose on precious alone time? This just doesn’t make any sense? Which tells me you’re lying again”.

In my gut I know there is something amiss here.   I don’t know if he’s with another woman or not; but, he is hiding something and I don’t have the care or energy to figure out what that may be. It’s obvious, He is just not the right man for me. 

Just Another Failed Relationship In LoLa – Land.  

Your Path

I’m taking this journey alone
Because it is mine and mine alone to take
It is a personal persuit for each has their own
Yours is not the choice I might make

I’m following my own voice to my needs
It may effect you but it’s not about you
You can keep on with your begging and pleads
I will still forge ahead and do what I want to do

Maybe the best thing for you is focus
On you, instead someone else or me
Clarity in the end may be your bonus
As your intentions towards self, help you see

As much as I’d love to have you join in
Stand beside me onthis weary path I’ve chosen
There can only be one on a path of self wisdom
For my search of knowledge; to you, may already be known

Previous Older Entries

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan