Minivan Discrimination

I hate driving a minivan, I really, really do.  In fact my license plate frame say’s,  “Minivan. I said I’d never buy one!”  and it’s true.  You can ask my sweetheart or any of my old friends from highschool or college and they will tell you that I said, “you will never catch me driving a minivan!”  And I probably would have stuck to that statement had I not tried to deal with getting an infant in and out of a 2 door car for a year, which is a miserable, back wrenching experience.  So, I caved, what can I say?  I’m nothing if not practical. 

But, now that I am a minivan driver and I think minivans  are the most discriminated vehicles on the road.  People always assume that I’m going to be listening to Romper Room on tape, yelling at my kids and swerving in my lane while driving 55 MPH on the HWY.  And there are times that some of this maybe true.  It’s usually in the morning when I am taking the kids to school.  But, the rest of the day,  the minivan is not the mommy-mobile that everyone assumes it is.  The rest of the day it’s a hard-hitting rap concert.   I will be cruising around listening to Eminem, Dr Dre, Black Eyed Peas, etc..  There is no care about my stereo being to loud.  I don’t have to quickly turn it down because Lil Kim is singing about all her conquests with Oral sex.  Hell I can even sing along, dirty words and all.  And I like to listen to this shit loud!  Really, really loud!  The windows will be bouncing in and out like someone is hitting them, and that is only because my so-called, “mommy-mobile” has some rocking surround sound!   It’s a concert in my car and no one else had front row seats but me.

Then there’s the whole, “Oh it’s a minivan driver, they’re gonna drive slow!”  UH, Hell to  the no!  I have never been a slow driver and I am insulted by the assumption that I am.  In fact my little piece of shit minivan has the same size engine and that your Big ass Chevy truck has.  Don’t tell me you haven’t had this thought when approaching a stop light with a minivan sitting at it; “Damn minivans, how can I get around that slow mom without killing the kids?”  I am here to say, Think again!  I will be driving just as fast as you, in fact I may even drive faster than you.  It’s always such a surprise for these blue-collar men who think they will be able to pass me with no issue at all.  Then when they see I am not going “Quietly into that good night” they step on the gas a bit harder to try to push out ahead.  But, what they don’t know is I already anticipated this shocked reaction and my engine is  revved up and jumping ahead!  Watching the truck disappear in my rear view mirror is the best revenge for these drivers discrimination.  And my favorite thing is to see the look of surprise come over the truck drivers face as I wave and leave them in my romper room, concert playing, Exhaust  filled  cloud of dust!


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. arifah
    Aug 25, 2010 @ 10:47:53

    Ok..This is hilarious. I laughed the WHOLE time and most of all, because I SOOOOO understand EVERYTHING. From NEVER owning a Mini-Van, to thinkin we DRIVE slow…


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Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan