I am a Accident waiting to happen.

If you don’t know me you can’t be sure that this statement is true, that I am in fact a walking accident waiting to happen. So, here are 20 reasons proving my statement.
1- I was almost run over by a dump truck once. Not Kidding, I was driving on a 2 lane road and the truck stopped in front of me and then I stopped behind it. Then the driver stuck the truck in reverse and backed over the top of my Saturn. He didn’t stop until his tires were coming up on to my hood and his tailgate was starting to bust my windows. I saw my life pass before my eyes and just like I said in my post ” not good in a crises” I couldn’t move even as the truck was backing over my feet.  I just sat there frozen and screaming.
2- I once hit a deer going 80 MPH on the freeway. At 1:30 in the morning in the middle of the city driving in the fast lane. I knocked the crap right out of him. I had deer poop all down the side of my car and a piece of tail stuck to my door.
3- I have fallen butt first into a prickel bush, with no pants on. This one hurt so bad and yet it was so funny at the same time. My boyfriend had to sit and pull each needle out of my butt cheek.  I am not sure it was  a bad job for him.
4- I have passed out in the shower from an infection on my knee. I woke up to my dad busting into the bathroom trying to find out what the big BOOM was. That required a ER visit with a SOS type Sponge being used on my knee and a tetnes shot.
5- While playing as a kid, on a brick wall that was 3 feet on one side and 6 feet on the other side of the wall. Which side of the wall do you think I fell down? Yep, the 6 foot side.  That was a bloody traumatic experience for my brother. He ran up and down the street screaming, “my sisters dead, my sisters dead!”
6- I once had to get stitches in my leg because I let go of the bike I was straddling and the spikes on the pedal went through my ankle.
7- My first car accident was when I was 16 and some guy decided to pass me on my left, as I was making a left turn.  He slammed right into my door.  Got out  and asked me if I was ok.  Then got back in his car and drove off. Asshole.
8- Last year I was driving through the construction area on our HWY, right where there were only cement blocks and nowhere to go but straight.  When I saw a weird wire thing in the road.  I saw it about 2 seconds before I hit it.  I had just long enough to realize I could not avoid hitting it before I did.  The woman in the car behind me backed way off and had a look of horror in her eye.  So, I pulled off the HWY as soon as I could, only to find that the rack had ripped a hole in my gas tank and gas was pouring from my car as the rack was being dragged underneath and I am sure making sparks.  .  NICE!
9- I was all dressed up at a cousin’s wedding, standing on the top of this beautiful mountain overlooking Tiburon.  Just standing there, until I FELL!  No reason for it at all.  One minute I was there, the next minute I was down.  
10- I was set on fire once.  My man was playing around with a lighter and pretended to  light my robe.  I laughed and turned to leave as he starts yelling, “your on fire, your on fire” and hitting me.  I had no idea what was going on until I turned to face him and  I looked down I saw flames coming around the center of my robe.  He patted them all out and now my robe looks brand new again. 
11- My first kid was 2 weeks over the due date, so they put me in the hospital to induce labor.  I laid there for 3 nights and 2 full days and nothing happened.  NOTHING!  they tried to send me home and after much debate I demanded a C-section.   Some of the doctors made me feel like I was giving up.  When the surgeon got in there they realized my baby was facing the wrong direction and the head was tilted to the side.  They said I never would have given birth naturally. ( of course it wouldn’t be easy for me)
12- Once in college, while partying illegally up on a local hilltop, A security guard busted my friends and I for being there.  He was going to either call the cops or issue us a situation for being  on private property.  When his car started creeping down the hill.  We all looked up to see lights coming straight at us.  The Security car slammed into Alex’s car.  Ripping the drives door which had been left open clear back the wrong direction.  The impact of these two cars hitting then knocked the security car back  a bit and it then proceeded to keep rolling down the hill in our direction.  We were trying to both stop the car from rolling and get out of its way.  When the car finally stopped the security driver was yelling and screaming that he was going to get fired.  Alex was on the ground on his face from loosing his balance trying to get into the moving car.  And my other friend and I were stuck in between the front of the security car and a small stone wall.  I was bruised and scratched but walked away. TG
13-I was at Bunko once, drunk as usual.  Standing outside in the night looking at the stars.  We were in the country so it was pitch black outside.  I picked up my drink had been sitting on the banister of this deck with several other glasses.  It wasn’t until after I had swallowed that I realized it was the water-glass the ladies were using as an ashtray that I was drinking out of.  BLAH!
14- The day after I was run over by the dump truck I went to Taco bell in my rental car and as I was walking up to the door I tripped over the curb and fractured my ankle.  I laid in a crying heap in the oil stained parking lot, my purse and all its contents spread out around me.  And 3 people walked over me to get go get their lunch.  WTF?
15-I walked into my living room with my kid in my arms.  So, I couldn’t see the tanka truck laying wait for me at my very next step.  That time I was able to save the kid from injury but I injured myself pretty good.
16- I have walked in to countless walls, people, objects and Polls.
17- I was 6 months pregnant with my second child and carrying my first when I stepped off another curb and feel onto gravel. pinning  my foot and ankle in between my car tire and the curb.  Again I saved the kid.  That time I hurt my back.
18- I was moving a daycare from one house to another when I bent over to pick up a 10 inch by 10 inch piece of wood, not heavy at all.  And I could not stand up.  I had to lay on the floor on my back with my legs up in the air like a dead armadillo and wait for the cortisone shot in my ass.
19- Like 6 of us waited FOREVER for our Pizza one night, we were all starving.  When they called our number I ran up and got them.  I think it was 1 large and a personal pizza.  And as I was walking back to the table I caught my foot on the rug and the pizza just went flying!  My mom looked like she might actually kill me. 
20- But my all time biggest walking accident that I have ever had, was when I was working on my AA.  I was running late for work when I got a call from my travel agent that I had not signed the check and I would lose my flights to VA if I did not come and sign it before they closed.  Knowing I would be at work until long after, that I rushed over to sign it and then dash to work.  I parked, jumped out of the car, slammed the door, ran up to the sidewalk and then what do you think I did?  Yep, I tripped over the curb!  But, I was cool this time, I had been there before, “There” being, falling.  I am damn pro at falling!  So, I get ready for the landing which I am also a pro at.  I stretch my arms out ahead of me, to hopefully catch myself and stop my fall. 
Then suddenly I am on my back and some man is picking me up and there is a crowd of people all around me.  My old boss who worked next door to the travel agent comes running into the crowd from somewhere, screaming to know if I was all right.  All I can think, “Is why is this guy being so rough with me?  Why the hell is he even touching me?  What the fuck is happening?”  They usher me into my old store and sit me down,  My boss puts and entire ice tray on my face and is pacing around looking for  a number to call my mom.  I am still wondering what is going on and why do I hurt EVERY WHERE! Apparently, I did not see the bike Poll in my vision as I was preparing for my landing.  So, my entire body weight hit this pole at full speed, with my face.  I was knocked out instantly.  My parents took me to the ER, where after several hours they determined that because I tripped over yet another curb I had given my self a concussion, a black eye, a twisted pelvic bone and a bruised tale bone. 
And this is my life.  Sometimes I think I should come with a warning sign.  Maybe yellow caution tape should be placed where ever I go.  By the way, the owner of the shopping center where I had this last fall, was so scared I would su him he painted all the curbs a BRIGHT GREEN!   LOL


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jen
    Aug 31, 2010 @ 13:05:32

    OMG! You need to be in a bubble!


  2. Sam
    Sep 01, 2010 @ 15:13:46

    Oh lordy, now I feel so much better. I’ve driven myself to emergency twice since 2005 for falls and accidents. I’ll show you the dent in my leg sometime.


  3. arifah
    Sep 04, 2010 @ 09:29:54

    Sorry, but this is funny… LOL and I can so picture all of it happening too.


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Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan