Happy / Sad thought

Me and Dad

Today I thought of something that made me so happy, it instantly brought a smile to my face.  What I realized was that for the first time in 28 years I will be spending my birthday with my father.  My father and I do not live near one another and when we do see each other it is not always a pretty thing.  My dad and I are so much alike we are like salt and water.  He doesn’t like it when I do my own thing and yet he is all about doing his own thing.  But all of this is besides the point because I am so excited that I get to see him and I am even more excited to be able to spend an entire day with him.  His time is a precious commodity for me,  I have always felt like an after thought for him.  I am something he squeezes into his schedule when he has a moment.  Sometimes I struggle just to feel as though I am a part of his life.  This is always evident to me when his friends meet me and get this completely confused look on their face. Usually this reaction is because they have no idea he has another daughter.   And if they haven’t seen my dad in a while they always have the same reaction to me, “Sara! Look at you, you are so grown up…” 
“UM, yeah I’m not Sara. ”  Is the usual curt response, dripping with irritation and pain. 
You can see how my spending my birthday with my father is also a sad thought for me too.  When I think of all the years we missed together, all the things that we have both been through separately.  28 years is a long time to not celebrate a hopefully important date for both people.   I can’t even tell you how many years there have been when I didn’t even speak to my father on my birthday.  Of course this goes both ways, I have no idea when I last saw my father on his birthday?  I realize that our past or rather lack of a past, is  not necessarily his fault.  I could have just as easily made more time for him.   I see that he is making an effort to be more involved in my life and I appreciate that.  I have missed him, and I am enjoying having him around a bit more.  We still butt heads like mad, but, I do so love that man.  And I can not WAIT for my Birthday!


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Emily
    Sep 14, 2010 @ 17:43:29

    LIKE! Enjoy!


  2. karen
    Sep 14, 2010 @ 18:01:49

    awww…happy early birthday! Hope it’s really really wonderful this year. 🙂


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Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan