When will I see it?

Have you ever looked at pictures of yourself from High School or college and thought, “Damn I looked good!”  (maybe not the outfit you had on or the bad 80’s haircut you might have had.)  But rather, the hard or maybe harder, youthful form that you had at one point.  I remember thinking I was so fat in Highschool.  I remember always being taller and bigger than all of my friends.  And I always felt like the Jolly Green Giant around them.  Of course thinking about it I did seem to have a large proportion of petite friends.  Anyway, I always hated my body, I still do.  But, for so many years I have looked back at pictures of me in my past and wished to have that body again.  I wished so bad to be that size once more. “Man If I was that size again, I would actually appreciate the way I look and Work it!”  And this is what I have been saying for what feels like decades now. 

Now, I am the size I was in college, maybe not quite Highschool yet.  But, I know I will be there soon.  And yet, do you think I am content with my appearance?  Do you think I don’t look at myself in the mirror and wish I didn’t have my stomach or fat arms?  I went shopping and fit into the smallest size jeans since 1999 and it didn’t even occur to me.  All that occurred to me was that I was still unsatisfied with myself.  What will it take?  I mean, I like what I see in the mirror a hole lot more than I did.  But, I still seem to only focus on my flaws.  How do I start to appreciate myself for what I have?  Instead of always focussing on what I don’t?

Just another day in LoLa-Land


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Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan