2012 Weight goal

I realized yesterday that for the first time in 10 plus years I can actually see myself meeting my weight loss goals!  I have been so morbidly obese for so very long. That unless I had some sort of surgery or joined some extreme boot camp for the entire year, I would never make my goals.  I realized that I am only 25lbs away from my “If I could just weigh…. ” weight.  I know that if I put my mind to it and really work hard to lose the weight, that I will.  I have lost 110 lbs so far and I feel so amazing.  So, very many things have changed for me since I have become a normal bodied citizen again.  Sadly most of them do not speak well of our society as a whole.

One of these realizations that I’ve had since going from an Obese woman who wanted to hide all the time and wished she was invisible, to a woman who actually enjoys being admired by strangers.  Is I am now an attractive woman, one that men do a double take at.   Men treat me with respect and interest where before men would talk to me and then forget my name and reintroduce themselves the next time they met me.  But, all of this I guess is to be expected.  What is more interesting to me is the woman.  When I was heavy woman would be either disgusted with me and look at me with embarrassment all over their faces.  Or  they would see right past my weight and see the real me.  Now there is a whole new element to woman.  jealousy, some woman have become so mean.  They barely give me a chance to get to know them or them to get to know me.  Before that can happen they are judging me, my clothes, my hair, my look.  They can even go out of their way to ignore me or make me feel like an outsider.  So the men went from mean and the woman nice for the most part, to now the exact opposite.

I also just recently started looking for a new job.  And unlike the last time I was searching for a job and I was maybe 65lbs heavier, it was surprisingly easy.  I had owners (men of course) fighting over me to work for them.  Unlike when I was heavier I was rejected for countless jobs and was finally hired by a woman.  I worry though now about this.  Because i have always maintained and achieved my professional positions based on my abilities.  Now I wonder if being attractive to the opposite sex is playing more a part in this fight for my employment than it has to do with the what I can do?  I guess I will see…

The most important thing is that I feel good, I feel beautiful and I am proud of myself.  The best part is I know I can meet that goal this year.  I can see the finish line and I know that I will be running over it in stride and grace.  I wish you all the best this year in what ever you chose to achieve, just put your minds to it and you can accomplish anything you want.

Happy New Years!


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Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan