Love The One You Are With

I have been saying it for years that, “pretty soon there will be no more STRAIGHT, GAY, LESBIAN,  or BISEXUAL….”  I see this melding of sexual preferences.   Where there used to be strong firm lines like on a highway,  Clearly separating both sexual orientation, is now more of a blurry dotted line.  I am sure some of you are sitting there thinking, “This woman has lost her fricken mind!  I am not confused in any way in my sexual desires.  Nor do I appreciate the suggestion.”  And that’s Fine, I get it.  I am not talking everybody; But, it is something I see. 

The young college generation are becoming more and more open to just loving who they are with.  We have all seen at times two woman making out.  Whether they are doing it because they are lesbians or whether they are just trying to turn someone else on… It is still an accepted act between some woman and I don’t think they really mind.  I know, of so many woman, who have had just as many relationships with woman as they have had with men and yet they still Identify themselves as heterosexual.   Or there are men who are on the “down-low”,  these are heterosexual men who like to have casual sex with random men.  Then they go home to their wives and live the normal day.  Would you really classify these people as heterosexual?   Maybe it’s because Bisexual is not as accepted as Homosexuality is?  (Not that it is REALLY excepted in places.  The fight for equality for homosexuals, bisexual & transsexuals reminds me  a lot of the fight against segregation.  But that is an entirely different post.)  Maybe it’s because of the stigma that is still placed on anyone who ISN’T heterosexual that makes people not want to just admit to the true sexual identity that they are?

I see a movement coming where if I had kid, I would see him/her bring home whom ever they just happen to be with.  If they are loving on a girl and digging her, than great.  If he/she happen to be crazy in love with a boy, well then that’s great too.  They will expect me to accept the one they are with, just as they do.   And I have to say I don’t think I am going to care, as long as they are happy.

It’s not just young adults who I see this trend with,  I see this happening with normal next door adult neighbors.  Maybe it’s do to the uprise of Polyamerous groups  in the area.  A group of adults who find love in multiple shared partners.  A group of people who not only love each other, but sometimes share homes, the raising of the kids and the art of making love.  It seems more like a community based love.   There is no rule even with in these groups that the men must just be with woman and the woman just with men.  They love who they are with.  

I try to stay open to all new ideas that I am faced with.   If people want to love one another I feel that is the best gift you could ever give a person.  Who am I or anyone else, to stand in the way of  somebody else’s  love.  If we stop putting so much energy into fighting the act of two people being together or multiple people being together.  We may just be able to let love be and focus our attentions on something a little bit more important like the environment or peace.  I don’t know what my life is going to look like in the end.  But, I am OK with the idea of loving the one I am with as long as I am happy.  

Random Thoughts for a Tuesday night.


Me Now

I’m on my way now
everything is changing
I can see the future some how
The past is fading

I see me somewhere new
I feel the sun on me
I know what I need to do
All obstacles I can see

I will no longer live half a life
Sleeping away my years
I will no longer be someones wife
I’ll let go of what was dear

It’s a new life for me from now on
I am going to make it count
I will no longer be waiting for the dawn
what’s gone are all my doubts

Be sad for me if you want
Try to fix me somehow
I am getting what I sought
It’s all working out for me now

Could I be a Playboy?

Today my co-worker turned to me and said, “I could totally see you as a Playboy Bunny!”  I almost died laughing.  If I had been sitting on a chair I would have fallen off of it.  I was like, “YAH!  OK!  Dude, my dad ‘reads’ that”.  I was cracking up about just the idea of it.  We would need to get the wide-angle lens and use it on the horizontal if the photographer wanted a close up of my butt.  Or the photographer would have to get the panoramic lens out and shoot the frame at a vertical if he want to get all of my sagging breasts in the picture!   But, as scary as these thoughts were to me the next ones were scarier.

I drove home just after this conversation and I found myself in a  foggy day dream if you will.  Where I have suddenly become one of Heff’s girlfriends in my mind and I’m like Bridget living in the mansion.  I have use of the grotto and the chefs.  I can’t imagine anything nicer.  And then I think about Heff… he’s a little old for me (no offense Heff).  I am really bad at sharing; especially when it’s a man.  If I love you and you love me… I’m not sharing.  And I really hate little dogs!  And they seem to have a shit load of little dogs at the mansion.  So, these issues for me are already rolling around in the back of my head as some sort of “Early Warning deterrent”. 

 All the while I am imagining me doing the slip and slide naked, or swimming in the grotto naked.  And as hard as I tried to imagine my face on Bridget’s body I always get to where my boobs are supposed be and they aren’t perfect… they just AREN’T there!  They have fallen somewhere around my belly button.  Where I hoped to see Bridget’s beautiful butt I see my  Stark-White-Full-moon of an ass is blinding all with the suns reflection and this is when I woke up!  Anyway, it was an interesting drive home and I got a few good laughs.

Just another day in my life…. and no I will not post pictures.

Adele’s – “I’ll be Waiting”

I love listening to Adele.  No matter what stage of being “In Love” I may be in, her music always seems to resonate within me somewhere.  Regarding some time (whether current or in the past) in my life.   This morning on my way to the gym I was belting-it out to her song, “I’ll be Waiting”.   As I listened I realized that the song which normally doesn’t speak to me at all.  Because it is about changing for someone else.  For some reason was speaking volumes to me today.  But, not because of some romantic love affair I am having  or because of one I am getting over.  I see the song as having everything to do with me.  I dedicate this song to me.

I’ll Be Waiting by Adele

Hold me closer one more time,
Say that you love me in your last goodbye,
Please forgive me for my sins,
Yes, I swam dirty waters,
But you pushed me in,
I’ve seen your face under every sky,
Over every border and on every line,
You know my heart more than I do,
We were the greatest, me and you,

But we had time against us,
Miles between us,
The heavens cried,
I know I left you speechless,
But now the sky has cleared and it’s blue,
And I see my future in you,

I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,
I’ll put my hands up,
I’ll do everything different,
I’ll be better to you,
I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,
I’ll put my hands up,
I’ll be somebody different,
I’ll be better to you,

Let me stay here for just one more night,
Build your world around me,
And pull me to the light,
So I can tell you that I was wrong,
I was a child then, but now I’m willing to learn,

But we had time against us,
Miles between us,
The heavens cried,

I know I left you speechless,
But now the sky has cleared and it’s blue,
And I see my future in you,

I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,
I’ll put my hands up,
I’ll do everything different,
I’ll be better to you,
I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,
I’ll put my hands up,
I’ll be somebody different,
I’ll be better to you,

Time against us,
Miles between us,
Heavens cried,
I know I left you speechless,
Time against us,
Miles between us,
Heavens cried,
I know I left you speechless,
I know I left you speechless,
I’ll be waiting,

I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,
I’ll put my hands up,
I’ll do everything different,
I’ll be better to you,
I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,
I’ll put my hands up,
I’ll be somebody different,
I’ll be better to you.


I need….

I need some time on my own
I need to be in my own home

I need some peace, I need some quiet
I need to leave, enough of this riot

I need my music to listen too, I need my song
I can’t remember being alone it’s been so long

I need my pillow, I need my bed
I need to work out thoughts in my head

I need to focus just on me
I need everyone to leave me be

I need to react without any shame
I need to have only me to blame

I need to think, I need to cry
I need to let go without explaining why

I need to feel, I need to see
I need some time, please leave me be

Valentine’s Day

What is the deal with Valentine’s Day anyway?  I hear it all started because of Hallmark Cards.”One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.”  Others have been known to refer to Valentine’s Day as a Pagan festival.  You can go with what ever belief  you want to on this one as far as I am concerned.

Here is what I know about Valentine’s Day.  I know it SUCKS!!! It truly is one of the worst special days…. when you don’t have someone you are in love with.  It is amazingly awkward, if you have just started dating someone.  Leaving the two of you feeling like you should be saying or doing more for one another.  Yet, at the same time, you are unwilling to go that extra step towards love.  Because, as special as the day may be, is a mass celebration of love “Just the right time” to first express just how deeply you may care for someone else?   What if you aren’t there yet?  What if you really like someone a lot…. but, the love just isn’t there?  What do you do then?  Do you pat the friend on the back, “Hey there friend HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!  Did you have a good one?”  Or do you just not do or say anything at all and pretend that it is just “Tuesday”?

Valentine’s Day is only good for one type of person, the happily committed relationship person.  How many people do you know are in this category?  I think of the unlucky souls who have no one  at all.  Who I assume would view this day as yet another reminder of what they don’t have.  A reminder of their pain, it’s like torture, does anyone needs to be reminded of their loneliness.   So, what do we do?   We don’t want all the single people in the world to blow their brains out from sadness all do to a history lesson in religious folklore, or do to the sales and marketing of a folded piece of paper?  I started my day off by sending all of my special friends the typical, “Happy Valentine’s Day beautiful!” text.   All in hopes that the text would help them stay out of the V-Day funk.  As well as letting them know that they are beautiful.  But, what about all the delivered flowers and candy that people at their work will be getting and not them?  How do we stop the joy of others from furthering singles drop into the abyss of loneliness?   Maybe we should implement the “optional Paid Leave” Act.  One where workers can take a paid day off to avoid the depression that will undoubtably consume them as they feel all the love that others have for one another.

I don’t know, just a thought.

Dear friends

It was good to see you again friends
I have been missing you all to know end

It’s been months since I have seen some of you
I have no idea why you may be blue

I want to sit in peace with you one by one
I want to talk to you about all you’ve done

Have you tell me about the good and the bad
Tell me about the fun times you have had

Where have you gone, what have you seen
It’s been so long it’s hard to believe

How are the kids what are they doing
How is the man now where is he working

Do you like your new job are you getting paid
How is the love life are you getting laid

Call me sometime let’s go out for a drink
Tell me all your woes, tell me what you think

I love you all and I miss you so
Of course this is something you all know

She’s Sick

Where once you saw a healthy woman
Who was eager to live and glad for some lovin

Sat a frail aging Grandma to weak to hold her cup
It was as if she decided to simply give up

Just yesterday she was active, playful, alive
Now she can barely hold in food that help her thrive

The dark silky hair she used to attend too
Is suddenly gray and kept short like a mans do

Her skin, which was golden from tanning all day
Had an “old TV” look, it’s a weird shade of gray

She’d shake as she reached for a plump green grape
We went dancing just months ago, she came home with a date

She’s always the life of the party, getting to know everyone there
Now she can hardly smile and she is obviously to tired to care

She can barely stand up on her own or move
What’s wrong with her the Dr’s haven’t a clue

She waits for an answer from morning til night
as her hunger for life slips out of her eyes

She will do her best just to stay alive
If she can just figure out what she needs to survive



If I hold on tighter will it help
If I was the magnet would you know my force
Pinned to my hard being
Would you try to flip
To push away from me like a child wanting down
I can hold on tighter if you want

Curl myself around you
Grasping at you
begging you not to go


It is cold without you
It is quiet
Take these loving arms
Keep them around you


I want you here
in my space, my bed, my arms
When are you coming back
It will be lonely while you are gone


If you have to go, come back soon
Give me a smile each morning
Think of me once each afternoon
When the sun goes down dream of me
I will be doing the same for you

He broke up with you…..why?

I have had some of the most crazy break ups and fights with men.  I know that the male species thinks that woman can be irrational and dramatic.  But, I would like to point out some examples of men being well…. irrational and dramatic.  Here are some situations that have actually happened to me.

1- Once I had a guy I was seeing tell me to, “fuck off” and broke up with me because I cleaned my friends  house (Who I was living with part time) and not his.

2- Once I left a note for a man in his kitchen.  It said,” I am down at the dock and I would love to make out with you as the sun sets over the water. Grab a beer and come on down. xoxxo” He never came down. Finally I walked the 30 feet to the house only to have him rage at me that he had a long day and how he doesn’t appreciate being told what to do in his own home. 

3- One time I was texting with a lover and a friend of mine texted me with a 911.  The lover  proceeded to text me during the hour I was on the phone trying to get my friend to stop crying.  When I finally got off the line with her and checked my messages I saw that he had wanted to come see me.  He had asked if he could come kidnap me.  Then I got the, “Never mind” and  “Good night” .  I responded right away as soon as I read the texts, telling him how sorry I was.  He texted back an hour later with,   Be well”  and “he never wanted to see me again.”

4- I took a quilt home with me once from my boyfriend’s house because I accidentally spilled something on it and I wanted to have it cleaned.  When he found out I took it, he broke up with me.  I dropped it off clean the next day. 

5- I was hanging with some friends one night.  A nice married couple that I have known forever.   At one point I had a weird moment with my friend’s husband and it felt like he was coming onto me.  It freaked me out and I texted my boyfriend at the time to tell him about it.  He suddenly stopped talking to me after that and then broke up with me the next day.

6- I was fighting with a boyfriend once about the amount of time we were spending together.  And after not seeing him for a week and talking to him on the phone for maybe 10 mins each night.  I asked him when I was going to see him again and he said “Which night do you want?”  (As if he had woman lined up outside or something).  Then later he asked me “What is our Status?” and I replied. “I thought you were my boyfriend but one night a week isn’t going to cut It.” he replied with, “Too much girly… take care. Your middle name should be I want more!”

7- On Easter one year the man I loved asked me to his families Easter celebration.  I was happy to spend time with him and his family.  The day before he called me and said, “My mom doesn’t want you to come.”  I was upset obviously and I didn’t really believe him.  Later that day, I dropped the Easter gifts for his family off to his mom’s house.  And she said, “Why can’t you come over on Easter?”  When I confronted the man I loved about why he would lie he replied.  “I didn’t want you there.”  And when I asked, “why would you not want to be with the person you love?  Why would you want to hurt them?  Why would you purposely want them spend a holiday alone?” he answered with, “Get used to it LoLa you will be spending a lot of holidays alone!”  (By the way I still have not spent a holiday alone)

8- The absolute best break up of all time was when during the throes of passion one night with a man who I had fallen completely in love with.  I had just had an amazing orgasm and said, “I love it so much more when we are making love,”  This man apparently thought I meant, “I like you so much more when we are having sex!”   As if to imply that I only wanted him for his orgasms or something, when really I was trying to acknowledge our connection while making love.  He stopped talking to me the next day.  And that night was the first time he had ever told me he loved me.

(Did I mention that all of these situations happened with the same man?  Who is more pathetic here, him for being a complete asshole, or me for putting up with it?)

Previous Older Entries

Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan