All I Seem To Know

Ground is unsteady

Moon is bright

My heart is heavy

I think of you tonight

My nerves are shot

This body is numb

Temperatures are hot

My fears say “RUN”

I’m holding on tight

I’m not letting go

I know this is right

It’s all I seem to know


Left Field

You came out of left field baby
Coming from no where to drive me crazy

I am loving everything about you
I tried to resist, if you only knew

When we’re together all I see are your eyes
Causing a dampness in between my thighs

I loved the way you came on to me
Your feeling for me were easy to see

I like your humor, I like your smile
I love your willing to go the extra mile

I love the size of you, your frame, your height
I love that I fit in your nooks just right

You came out of no where as an unexpected guest
You decided you needed me, made me your conquest

I’m intoxicated by you, I’m hopeful and scared
I feel like my dreams have come true, that’s pretty rare.

I’ll wait for you baby as you line up your ducks.
I won’t have to wait long with a bit of luck

I’m still not quite sure what to make of us
I see you in my future and that’s all I trust

Bring it on left fielder take all of me if you like
Your love for me surprises me and also feels right

Checking Her Out

What is it that makes a man stare at another woman when he is with HIS woman? Why is it that they have to seriously eyeball any kind of piece of ass  that walks across their path?  This is something that I have found disrespectful since I was a kid and I would watch my dad do it to random woman.  I would wonder what mom would feel like if she knew what a scammer her husband was when she was not around. Now I am a woman, who dates men and this disrespectful act, of scamming on woman in front of me is still something I come across and it is STILL something that bugs the crap out of me.

I understand that men are visual and that is how they get off.  Even though I understand it, it STILL pisses me off!  Don’t get me wrong I understand that we all notice other people.  We all acknowledge when we see someone who is really beautiful, I am not talking about that.  I am talking about the, “almost get in a car accident because there is some large breasted, long black curly hair sporting, short skirt wearing, 18 years or up woman on the side of the street” kind of guy.  It feels so disrespectful to me when they literally have to stop walking to take a better look.  I also love (she says sarcastically) when they lose their train of thought!  Really?  What were you saying?  Did you even remember the story you were just telling?   I want to say, “come on she wasn’t that hot!”

The funny thing is, I have watched porn with lovers and it doesnt bother me when they look at porn.  I understand that we all  need to fantasize about other people.  I think it is the act of openly acknowledging the beauty of another real Life woman in a seductive manner is what it is.  These woman are not in magazines or videos, they are attainable.  They are right there in front of you and your man.  Them flirting with the woman could actually lead to something, if she were to notice and respond.  Maybe it’s because it can feel almost threatening to a relationship?  I don’t know?  I just know it is rude and makes me fume.

Not all men are a womanizer like this  (ok maybe that was a bit low but I’m getting all worked up now so I’m going with it).   I have actually been with men (not all at once) that  saw me.  They made me feel like I was the only one in the room.   It was sexy as hell and made me all that more interested in them.  Maybe I’m insecure, (though I doubt it),  maybe I’m missing something, maybe not?  All I really know is it pisses me off and it even bugs me when I see a man check me out when he is with a woman.  I end up  feeling bad for their lady.   It someone were to argue with me that this is how men operate,  that this is what men do.  It’s an “innate quality” blah, blah, blah, I would probably ask them about the men that don’t gawk at other woman while they are entering another woman?  What about the men who see no one but you (Which Hello, is super HOT!).  What about them?


Jealousy is a green eyed bugger
It’s hold on you is like no other

It comes on fast and takes you all in
It doesn’t care who is its next victim

It will grow on you like a weed
It will encompass all your dreams

Take your heart and twist it up
Start to spill your very full cup

Your emotions become clouded your joys hard to reach
You think you are fine but it will even effect your speech

You’ll forget about the closeness the love and the feelings
This is a war and jealousy is doing the killing

It’s like a fast acting drug that changes your life
It takes all your hope and turns it to strife

Your can try to escape it you can run if you want
You can hope that it will miss you as your heart starts to wrought

Try to wiggle free of jealousies strong hold
Or you may be left all alone when your old

Interesting Finds

This is the incomplete list of random things I came across while I was packing up my life. It’s incomplete because these are only the ones I can remember.

1- the lid to my door stopper was found in my work-out clothes.
Along with my painting outfit (still covered in paint ).

2- A container of BAYER that I took from my Nana’s house just after she died in 1996. They expired 06/97

3- “what’s this? Oops, oh I forgot I had that bedside toy….”

4- I found a book on how to teach babies sign language but I have no babies.

5- 10 Unused diaries – “That could take me awhile”

6- A STROBE LIGHT!!!!! – Woop, Woop!

7- The Birkenstocks – 3 pairs all black, don’t ask.

8-A brown leather Murse – in case you don’t know a murse is a “Mans Purse”

9- Milli Vanilli Cassette Tape “Blame it on the Rain woa oa oa..”

10- I think I found my first pair of G-string panties my sister bought for me when I was in highschool. The Undies I wrote this about.

11- ????

They Can Come True

You dreamed a dream all those years ago
You said it changed your view
You had a premonition and let it go
There was no way it could come true

Things have changed and time has passed
All obstacles making it impossible are gone
Your chance is here, it’s time at last
Could making your dream come true, be wrong

You must take that leap
Throw caution to the wind
Go for what you seek
It’s your dreams you may just win

Most fairy tales don’t come true
Most loves don’t last forever
These are the lies we wish we knew
Before we make the endeavor

You can never tell which way to go
You can never be sure which path to take
But if you never try, you’ll never know
it’s just your future may be at stake

You can never win if you don’t try
You will never know the truth
Whats meant to be can’t be denied
Your destiny your only proof

Are You My friend?

Are you my Friend? He wonders
As he starts to think of her once more
Even though he said good-bye to her
So many times before.

Are you my friend? he asks
Just two months after walking away
She is sick of his pathetic Masks
That he puts on to get her to stay

Are you my friend? he wants to know
He just realized he needed her
When she held on tight, he let her go
A pain she alone endured

Are you my friend?
The question rakes her mind
He’s got a hold on all of her nerve ends
leaving her blind

Are you my friend? a simple text?
Is he reaching out for a reason?
All she keeps thinking is “What’s Next?
His mood changes before the seasons.

Are you my friend? He implores
As she ignores his expected call
She is sick of him showing her the door
Because of some stupid little flaws.

Are you my friend? She scoffs!
Who the hell does he think he is?
It was him that told her to fuck off
Instead of helping her maintain the bliss

Are you my friend? he wonders.
Waiting to see what she is going to do
Are you my friend? Her heart flutters
“no” she realizes, she hates him; but, loved him once too

Exercise Wear

I don’t exercise for anyone but myself. I don’t usually take a shower before I work out. I never put on makeup and I usually don’t even give a shit about what I’m wearing either. Hell people around me are lucky if they get me with my teeth brushed.
I see those woman who look all perfect when they are working out. I see them in the gym or walking around the lakes, their makeup is perfect, their hair has not one strand out of place. Sometimes you even see them dressed to perfection in their matching work-out bra, headband, and outfit and all I can think is, really?
I’m usually sweating my ass off with mismatched clothes from highschool on. I usually have an assortment of colors I’m sporting either from the dried paint I’ve spelt over the years on my work out clothes or because I literally got dressed in the dark and I just don’t give a shit. I wear no make up and I’m lucky if I was able to sweep ALL my hair up in a ponytail before I left the house, usually I’ll have a couple of stragglers hanging around my neck.
I never pay attention to these woman who look perfect when they start working out. I figure the men are giving them enough of that already. But I always wonder if they start to look bad at any point? Do their boobs hurt from being jostled around in a push-up bra rather than a workout bra for thirty minutes? Do they sweat off all their perfect make up and have streaks of color running down their face? Does their ass crack ever start to sweat and leave them with a “I wet my pants look”? Because that is what I would look and feel like if I worked out all “dolled up” like they do.
Normally when I’m done working out I look like someone has put me in the spin cycle of the washing machine and all I need is to be hung up to dry. But, I’m not working out to meet men. I’m not worried about making an impression or trying to even get anyone’s attention. In fact when I’m working out I wish I was invisible. This is usually because I take so little effort in my appearance that I wish no one could see me at all; but, this is just me….

So Much To Do

I am completely overwhelmed by the sheer volume of crap I still need to pack. Every single room is just about 30% done. I am supposed to be able to move in 16 days and I won’t be able to pack for half of that time.
I am spinning, all I see are boxes, all around me just boxes.  At the same time that I am traumatized by the sheer chaos of all the boxes I realize that I don’t think I have enough? I don’t know where to put all the boxes when I fill them up? People still live here that aren’t moving. I am trying really hard not to make it an inconvenience for all of them amd it is proving to me more and more impossible.
Don’t even get me started on the garage. I have no idea what to say about that room. I wish I could have someone help me but no one but me and my wasband, know what is going,  and what is staying.  So, I am all on my own with this one.
Wish me luck!

Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan