A lovely Evening

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I went to see my first love with my love tonight. I wanted to see the sunset. While we were there we had a very sweet short conversation. It went like this.

“Where do you want to go?” He asked me with a sheepish grin.
“I don’t know? Where ever you want to go” I replied.

“Where do you want to go?” I asked him in return.
To which he looked at me and with the sweetest eyes answered, “I’m not going anywhere. I’m just going to wait for you”.

And that is exactly what he did. He waited with me and watched the sun go down. It was one of the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen too.

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I Have a Dirty Mind

Here is example 356 of my dirty mind-

My boyfriend came to my work last week and built a filtration system for our production department. I went into production today to see how it was all working. My co-worker was using it for the first time. She was coding boards with a very bad smelling glue.

I asked, “How is it working?”

Coworker- ‘Do you smell anything?”

me, “nope”

she smiles and says, “no i smell nothing either! Your man did good! Your going to have to reward him tonight.”

i rolled my eyes and giggled, “I’m going to have to do that thing he likes so much?”

To which she replies with a huge laugh and says, “No, no LoLa! I meant tell him he did a ‘great job!'”

“OH…. ok” i say and turn bright red.

She was still laughing as I walked out the production room.

Color Me Happy

I don’t draw. I did pottery in college because I hate to draw. But I love to color. I love putting colors together to make something bright. I love taking ugly white rooms and turning them into something that I think is far more beautiful by adding some color to the wall. So, I color. I have been coloring for about three years with a certain style and color pencils. Here is some of my latest projects.

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I have been working so hard lately and all I have wanted to do is just color or paint. It brings me peace. It takes all my worries and stresses and it pushes them into the back of my mind. All I have time to think about is what color I am going to use next.

Lost Friendship

I thought we were friends you and I
I thought you would always be in my life

I thought you loved me like this
Like my soul is one you’d miss

I called on you through out the years
You held me and even wiped my tears

I have been there for you in hard times
We talked, we cried we discussed the signs

Now you don’t call, you don’t text
Your reaction to my contacts have me perplexed

What was it that made you turn away
What was it I did? What did I say?

You don’t look me in the eye anymore
You don’t say goodbye before walking out the door.

It saddens me to see our friendship like this
Like you barely know me and I’m easily dismissed

I want you to know I am still here for you if you need anything
But I will be waiting for you to come to me if you want something

I love you dear friend but this dismissal hurts me
I’ll be here waiting for you to offer up an olive tree.

If no tree is offered. If no apology is in sight
Then the least you can do is too tell me why?

New Reactions

I’ve been noticing a certain spontaneous physical reaction that I get ever since ” the drunk ” and I broke up. When ever I am with someone or even talking to someone on the phone and they start to get really worked up about something; If they have a lot of negative energy around the subject or what ever they may be saying to me is followed with some angst, I physically start to get scared. I actually start to get an elevated heart rate. My breathing becomes more intense. I will start to focus on taking long deep breaths. I start to depend on the oxygen for strength.
I know why this happens to me now. I know what it was that happened that made me suddenly start being scared by people who are upset. I am not sure if its a bad or good thing yet. I know I don’t like the way I feel. I don’t like that I suddenly feel insecure. But I do like that I’m aware of this obvious reaction to my uncomfortableness. It’s not always apparent to me when I’m affected by something. I rather like having a response that allows me to see my true feelings in those intense moments? It’s pretty cool knowing how my body or how my true souls feeling about a situation with out having to walk away and process it first.
All I know is that I need to leave the situation as soon as possible, so I do.

Gravity

Sara Bareiles -Gravity

“Gravity”

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

[CHORUS]

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down
You’re on to me, on to me, and all over…
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

This song has just to pretty not to post
( Don’t read more than that into me reposting it)

You Are Early

You were never in the plans for  right now
You are early

I wanted to spread my beautiful wings
Open them till the smallest feathers were exposed

I wanted to soar to the highest peaks
With only the music of the wind to hear

I wanted to play the games that the kids play
Be bitter about the irritation of another bad date

I wanted to climb the ladders of the business world
Enjoying the glory’s of being myself in that gray world

I wanted to run the races for music, breasts and cancer
Make love all day and all night with no regard

I wanted to feel the oceans salty mist on my face
Take the time with my first love that I never seem to get

I wanted to do these things alone
Accomplishing  new-found adventures and joys

You are early my love
My Plan for us started when I was done with all of this

But, here you are in my life
Sucking in my moods and taking it in stride

You seem to work your magic over me
And I love it

Bring your chaos my love and your drama too
As early you are I can’t wait for you to mess up my plans

I will do all that I had planed to do
I will just plan to do them with you

Grateful Dead concert part 3

My friend and I walked up to the back door away from all the crowds, but still surrounded by a dozen or so, groupies.  The bouncers were shooing everyone away from the door.  My friend  had to talk fast to explain who she was and why we were there. She told him her uncle worked for Drummer and he was expecting us. The roadie looked at us both up and down. It was obvious we were not your typical “dead heads”.
“Wait here” he said and then walked through the door and shut it closed behind him. She and I stood there for what felt like forever. We started to wonder if we would ever make it in? We had no idea how we would get back to her mom? We had no cell phones because this was in the 80’s.  We had no money and we had no address except for our homes (which was an hour away) that we could even go to.   Finally the door flew open and the roadie waived us in. I took in the biggest breath of relief.
When we got inside it was like the back of any other auditorium, just on a much larger scale. The bouncer led us a long white corridor and up a half-dozen black wood steps. We were then in a dark hall of some sort surrounded by a black wall on the left of us  and makeshift black wall of  curtained off rooms to the right. He walked us to the last curtained room at the end of this dark space and told us to wait.

I sat down on one of the three or four chairs in the room. While I nervously waited to see what could possibly happen next.  As I waited,  I pushed the toe of my shoes into the plush of the Oriental rug that made up the entire floor of my new world. There was some shirts and jackets hanging up and some chests that I didn’t dare open, as well as several pairs of drumsticks.   It was fairly dark and somewhere very close someone was listening to some really loud music. It was so loud the seat that I was sitting on was vibrating from the base.
Suddenly, my friends uncle came through the curtain and gave us both hugs. I can’t tell you how relieved I was to see him. Up until this point I still wasn’t sure if I was going to be murdered? Or if they were having me wait in that dark room before the sold me off as a Virgin sacrifice. (I was really into romance novels at that time).   Uncle Bill handed us both a laminated pass and said, “Whatever you do, DON’T LOSE THESE! Don’t wear them where people can see them. These can get you anywhere you want to go.” He looked at me and smirked. I’m sure he could smell my vulnerability.
“Have you seen it yet?” he asked
As I barely squeaked out an answer, “Seen what?” my friend responded for me, “we have just been in here waiting for you.”
He smiles at her, takes a step back and says, “Well go look.”
My friend walks out of the room and off my new favorite floor covering and starts to head around the black wall that made up the left hand side of our hall way. I didn’t want her going anywhere without me and I was just as curious as to what she was looking at, so; of course I willing followed.

What I saw when I finally came around the wall of black was something I have never in all my life thought I would ever see and I doubt I will ever see anything like it again. It was a sea of Tye-dye swaying from left to right in a very non jarring motion. It was a haze cloud of (what I now know is Pot) strange smelling smoke surrounding everyone like it was part of some unified aura that everyone shared. It was the Oakland auditorium in all of its glory.  The space was enourmous.  Rows upon rows of people wearing wonderful bright colors lined every inch.  I saw bodies moving from a few feet away to what seemed like miles up into the sky.  Out of the Darkness of the nose bleed sections I saw the flames from lighters being used to smoke more pot.   My little 13-year-old innocent body stood, small and awestruck on the stage, set to house the Grateful Dead.   The black wall that we had walked along to get on to the stage turned out to be their speakers, so tall and fat that they formed what was the backdrop of their stage. More plush Oriental rugs covered the entire stage. Layering on top of each other in some places so that each performer had ample cushion for their aging feet. I could see microphone that Jerry Garcia would be using and was mer inches from one of the drum sets. The entire place was full. I saw no empty seat anywhere and no one seemed to mind that the band was late starting their first set.
Suddenly people started showing up all over the stage and Uncle Bill told us it was time to go.  “Go  find yourselves a seat and enjoy the show!”

Friday Night

It’s Friday Night Again

I’m still all alone

When will this drought end

My mind is not my own

 

All I think about is the rain

Wishing for some company

experiencing no refrain

Let the waters shower me

 

It’s Friday night once more

I’m still waiting for a call

No man is knocking at the door

Nor pressing me against the wall

 

I will keep hoping  for winter

I will keep wanting for some touch

I will imagine something sinister

I will dream of things I like so much

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’re Not

You’re not the fire that scares me
feverishly running from your heat
Your not the mild calm of a day at sea
Waves barely lapping at my feet

You’re not the storm that invades my world
Thrashing everything I know upside down
Your not as strong as a mighty sword
Taking down all that may be around

Yet, the nature of your soul excites
Electrical sparks ripple down my spine
Grasping for oxygen as you come into sight
When we touch, my worries subside

You’re the rainbow that suddenly appears
Breaking way to a multitude of colors in my sky
You try your best to diminish my fears
You want me to spread my wings and fly

You’re the hope that brings me smiles
Saying I’m the sunshine in your day
You’re the peace in all my trials
Always knowing just what to say

You’re the slight breeze blowing my hair
Helping me silently to just get up the hill
You’re the strong arms helping me with care
Theres no doubt in my mind how you feel

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan