Being Single Day #2

For my first act of single hood I had an adult conversation with Big Red and we said goodbye.  What I really wanted was closure and a hug.  I wanted to hug him before I saw him, I missed him so bad.  Then when I saw him I was filled with disgust and anger and I wanted to keep driving.  The heart is so complicated.  I hate being filled with both love and disgust for another human being.  Especially one who is so close to me.

I am a mixed bag right now, of relief and sadness   I miss him so very much and yet I enjoy being able to just be.  I wish him only the best and i don’t know why?  I feel more sorry for him then I do mad.  For me this was another costly learning experience   Do I regret it?  (That question is giving me pause)  I regret what could have been.  If we had just waited.. If we had just been ready.  I know I wasn’t ready.  I know he wasn’t ready!  But, the damage is done.  Even if we both figured it out and took our time that we needed, I don’t think I could ever trust him. 😦

So, I start my new adventure a bit damaged and a bit worse for wear than I was when he came into my life.  On the flip side, I am proud of myself for seeing the signs that I so willingly chose to ignore with the drunk.  This time I knew to brace myself.  This time I am not going to drown myself  in sadness.  This time I will leave with my heart only broken in two rather than a million pieces.  What I need to remember is not to be jaded about love.  I am still hopeful that there is a REAL partner out there who is perfect for me.  I just hope we are both ready when we meet.

Wish me luck

It’s just another day in Single LoLa-Land


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Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan