Like that… It is gone

Like a feather floating in the wind
Dancing to and fro
Not knowing where it’s story will end
It goes where the wind will blow

Much like the dew on a morning flower
So beautiful in it’s simplicity
It disappears within the passing hours
It’s no longer a wonder we can see

Hopes as tall as the tallest tree
That change colors with the seasons
It must shed away all of it’s leaves
Rebirth is always a good reason

Like an eyelash tethered to a babies eye
A sweet delicate place to be
Give that baby one good cry
That wisp of a hair becomes history

A bubble in water is just like this
Think of it made in any way
Once it floats up to the surface
All the air just fades away

It’s A Love that makes you warm inside
How could something wonderful be wrong
Letting one in, while leave nothing to hide
You found a soul you love and like that.. It is gone.

Why Must You

Why must you tease me the way you do
With your sensual words my fever ensues

Why must you delight me like this
No thought of a lingering kiss

Why must I be your toy for which to play
Your tied up participant for a day

Why must your directive be so ominous
Distracting me from certain bliss

Why is my body what you desire
your longing for me ignites my fire

When will I be able to penetrate your senses
Taking you to this place of suspensefulness

When will I be able to tease you in return
Causing parts of you to rise and churn

When will this desire for you pass
I’m hoping it won’t disappear to fast

Why must there be such space between us
Please lover just give me one touch

Intimacy

Intimacy is the presence I desire
A little kindness followed by some care
I don’t need anyone to lite my fire
I am not looking to become a pair

Maybe a few simple touches
Maybe some feeling behind the kiss
I will roll with the punches
If the knock-out includes all of this

Some humorous conversations
Some integrity and a little chivalry
Some unspoken admiration
Are some of the attributes that I seek

Good looking is always a bonus
Tall is a wonderful plus as well
For me if there is no closeness
I won’t easily fall under his spell

I prefer some intimacy more than anything else
Sexy looks that keep me winking
I prefer some thoughts of glee before we undress
So later I don’t ask, “what was I thinking?”

An independent sexy man who can hold his own
Someone who can have fun in any situation
No need to babysit anyone, I need a man who’s grown
Someone who doesn’t fear my silly flirtations

Someone to walk on the beach with me
Someone to sing along with would be nice too
Holding my hand is not a necessity
Intimacy during our time is all I ask of you

69 days of Single

Well I have been single for 69 days now and counting it’s been… interesting to say the least. I have had a lot of time questioning things, people, relationships. I Have been on several dates and I have met a couple of cool guys. Not to say they are all perfect or that any of them would be ones I could see myself aligning with for the long term. But that entire line of thinking goes against the very nature of my goal. I keep trying to find out where the boundaries from dating someone, to being in a relationship with someone lie? I wonder when it is or isn’t appropriate to text or call someone? What do I expect from these men? Why should I expect anything from them at all?

I do find that I am still looking for something more from each of my relationships with these men. And yet the fact that I consider them as relationships (whether as friends or as lovers) just because I have been on several dates with them, is again part of that old way of thinking. So, knowing this I try to chill and just let any of my issues I may be having go, because really, it isn’t their problem, right? I’m just some chick they’ve gone out with before.

At the same time I don’t want to be treated in a way where I myself feel as though my needs from the encounter I am in, have not been met at all. (And no I am not just talking about sex here people). But, then why should I have any needs at all when it comes to going on a date and meeting new people? Wouldn’t that mean I am still looking for them to fill something within myself? But, there has to be some kind of desire in bringing new people into your life right, If there isn’t then what’s the point in bringing them in? There has to be some lesson from each new person or experience, right? Or is this again me expecting too much from men?

I don’t know, but sometimes I feel as though I am walking a tight rope and the only collateral I have to put up are my emotions. (I’m not stupid this could end badly for me) I know I will not be giving away my funds like I did with my ex. I learned that lesson. I know I will not be giving away my heart, I have that thing under lock and key right now. (I pretty much hid the key and can’t remember where I put it at this point). Physically, I can hope that I only find myself in situations where I am willing to give myself out there and not have a piece taken from me. But, all in all, being single has been a happy experience for me. I look forward to seeing what tomorrow will bring me.
Just another day in Single LoLa-Land

River or Shadow

i swear I think I gave my dog River the wrong name. I should have named him “shadow” because that is all he does. He doesn’t play catch, He doesn’t bark, he doesn’t chase other dogs, he doesn’t even do tricks on command.

River does whatever I do. River goes wherever I go. He hates the ocean, I think it scares him. (Funny enough he loves the river. ) But one time I got to close to the water and the wave came all the way up to my butt. River got wet with me. Even though he could have easily gotten away from the wave.
River will whimper whenever I leave a room without him and he cannot come with me. I am told when I leave him behind he paces the floors and stares into corners. He whines and seems distraught until I return.
Coming home to him is an amazing delight. It’s a tip-tapping-stampedes of his paws on the wood floors begging for my attention. He cries out in joy almost and tries to jump onto me. I love the devotion river has for me. I just wish I could use the bathroom in peace sometimes.

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Maker Faire

Today I went to the Maker Faire. It was so cool and crazy. It was like Mad Max and the Thunder Dome meets Weird Science. I saw everything from light shows, robots, woman in pirate wear and like 30 people knitting at once. The idea of Maker Faire supports fresh new Innovative ideas on new concepts or better ways to do old concepts. They support anything that one could possibly think to make and the more energy Efficient the better.
They had people riding bikes to make the power needed to fuel a bands needs and so much more.
Here are some pictures I took while I was there.

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I would recommend that anyone who can get an opportunity to go to the Maker Faire should go. And if you have kids I would beg you to take them too. It is so cool and inspirational for all.

Gay date Vs. Straight Date

I spend a lot of time hanging with both straight and gay men and I have found there are many differences between the two when you hang out with them. Here are the ones I can think of:

1 gay men don’t want to see or feel a naked woman, they can even be repulsed by what a naked woman has to offer which is not normal for the straight men.

2 when you hang out with gay men they usually look better than you do. You can usually count on them being hotter than your straight date.

3 When you walk with gay men they really pay no concern about where you are. It’s like hanging with a girlfriend, they will usually walk ahead of you. Straight men walk with you and will sometimes even take your hand.

4 gay men will pull their chest away from yours when you hug them. Straight men will do the death grip arm of steel around your chest to obtain maximum feel.

5 A gay man will tell you if you have a buger hanging from your nose. Straight men will pretend they don’t see anything wrong but then will be quick to take the you home.

6. A polite straight man will hold the door open for you to walk through it. Most gay men will let it slam in your face, “because damn girl, didn’t you have that?”

7. If you ask a gay man “how do I look” he will look you up and down And either tell you what needs to be changed and or say something like “Girl if I was straight I would fuck ya”. A straight man will barely look at you with one eye and say “you look great! Lets go”

8. When you touch a gay man you usually get no more of a rush then petting your cat. When you touch a straight man you can get chills all the way down your back.

9. With gay men you never have to worry about “naked man insecurities”. If someone is giving you a hard time they either walk away and pretend its not happening or they flirt with the person just to piss them off or shut them up. You never have to worry about them beating the shit out of the person harassing you.

10. The biggest difference between hanging out with gay verses straight men is that you don’t need to worry about straight men being competition for you when it comes to meeting the cute guy at the end of the bar.

Opening The Bag

Draw strings hold tight to my little bag
Knots make up a protective layer
I pull at its strings to start a snag
Hoping to make a whole in this container

What’s inside is a mystery to me
A puzzle I am desperate to solve
I want to open it wide for all to see
But the task seems quite involved

I was told my time was clicking
I can see the sand pass through the glass
It’s like a bite I cant stop itching
I don’t want to wait to see if it will pass

This bag seems to be a mixed assortment
Of all my longings, hopes and joys
I want to be careful not to force it
The contents must not be destroyed

The bag must be handled carefully
Like the petals on a flower
I must unravel each knot patiently
With no attention to the passing hours

My goal is simple yet difficult at best
A journey to see what’s inside
It’s just my future that depends on this test
The outcome will be my prize

I will hold on tight to my little bag of self
I will treat it like a newborn baby
I will cherish it above everything else
Until I can open my bag with ease

Departed

Thoughts of you drift across my mind
As the memories of you start to fade
Things were so different before you died
That was some price you had to pay

Did you get all the answers you wanted
Were you relieved of all you feared
You were so young when you departed
Your time this life was so short dear

Where are you now
Who are you now
Are you alive again

I used to feel you hovering around me
I would hear your words of wisdom
You may not have been there to see
I didn’t need to see you to feel your love

I have forgotten the sound of your laughter
I have forgotten your sweet smell
I have forgotten the things that didn’t matter
As I forget the pain as well

Where are you now
Who are you now
Are you alive again

Well I be seeing you once more
Will you dance this game of life with me again
I feel the loss of you in my core
Well be joining up when my life ends

I miss you

Wiggen in the Catskills

My wonderful friend who Loves me enough to send me a ticket and bring me out to see him and his husband is also amazingly talented (just like his husband but in a different way). My dear friend can bang out some major hair in minutes. He works with both real hair and wigs for broadway, cinema and television. He amazes me with his skills and I am always first in line to be his test dummy or pose-able Barbie. We did a impromptu “wiggin out” photo shoot in NYC last time I was in town. This time we planned one in the Catskills. Here are some of the looks he gave me.

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Not only did he design and do up all of my looks, but he fixes the lighting and posed me too. The man is a genius and I am again so incredibly blessed to have him as a friend.
I hope you enjoyed them because we had a blast.

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Me and the amazing Johnny the Bum

Previous Older Entries

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan