Get In Line

Get in line if you want some
We can’t control the wait
We need order to get things done
No need to get irate

Get in line behind everyone else
They were all here first
No need for you to become jealous
You’ll soon have fluids for your thirst

Get in line for that exciting ride
Hold your breath as you watch it go
Cutting in line, we will not abide
Of course this is what you already know

Get in line after the one he likes more
His interests for her may very a tad
You’ll be next when he drops her on the floor
Make sure he doesn’t make you sad

Get in line for the doctors time
Your appointment means nothing to them
Waiting an hour for them is just fine
In the end it’s your good health that you win

Get in line behind the things they hold more dear
It’s not you who overflows their cup
Your place in their lives won’t be clear
And things just won’t line up

Get in line for those pearly gates
This is not a one stop buffet
We won’t tolerate any feelings of hate
Your destiny was not pre made

Get in line for anything you might desire
Time and energy will be your cost
Follow the directive to get what you require
Without the line we would all be lost

You changed

You change every time I see you
It’s like looking into the sky each time and never knowing what to expect
Your curves are never quite the same the earth around you seems to move.
I watch you speed over the silent ground and it makes me want to touch you
Seeing you again my first love, takes me back to my younger self

Not fearing your wrath at all
I flew to you like I had never seen you before
I was to young to know of your dangers
We played for hours you and I
You twisted my hair and my heart with your fierce power
You flirted with my senses knowing you could easily tare me apart.

I long for you to play with me once more
I want to melt into the eternal bliss that I have when I am with you
I would stay with you forever if I could
Lounging about in the sun with only your touch and the salty fog to comfort me

You change each time I see you, first love
Yet so much of you stays the same
You have always been to strong for me
You have always been beautiful
You have always been there

I hope to always be near you like a baby to it’s mothers breast
My heart beats to your rhythm
My feet always take me your direction
My soul will always be yours to devour
As I will always go the distance to see you again

I love you

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I’m a Believer

The title of this just made me laugh because apart from Aliens and Ghosts I don’t believe in much. I have stood against most organized religions all of my life and yes I mean all. I remember at 8 years old arguing with my best friends catholic mother that there could be a heaven and not a hell. As I get older, I fall more and more inline with Buddhist beliefs and now I am branching out into different forms medicine.
Having just recently been subscribed PROZAC by my family doctor to cure sever PMS (pre menstral Syndrom). I decided that I was proud I was damn near 40 and still not on some daily prescription for some ailment or another. And the Idiotic ness of taking a anti depressant every day because I cry to much and can’t think straight for 2 or 3 days seems, well… Idiotic! (Sorry Doc, but really?)
So, I started doing acupuncture to hopefully help my aching back from the two weeks of bloating and the two days of severe mood swings. I have been going now for almost a month and since I started I have had very little to no physical pain. My bloating was minimal this moon cycle and I was able to realize that I wasn’t thinking rationally on the days I was suffering from PMS. There were no thoughts of slapping anyone or visions of me throttling my boss. I didn’t even shed one tear, much less use an entire box of Kleenex because my friend cancelled dinner! Acupuncture is fricken amazing! I feel so good when I leave acupuncture and that feeling stays with me internally for hours to days. As soon as they place the needles I crash out like a dog whose been chasing kids all day. I sleep for almost an hour listening to the sounds of trickling water and tree frogs. Then just as quickly as I fell asleep, I wake up and I am ready to go.
I would recommend it to anyone for almost anything! I really do feel like it is a one stop FIX-ALL.
Oh well just another day in LoLa-Land

Performance night

Acrobats take your places
Audience please take your seat
As we put on new faces
That melts off in the spot lights heat

We have designed for you an escape
A kaleidoscope of visual beauty
It will force your mouth to fall agape
As you marvel at the sights you’ll see

We will move in ways you could never imagine
We will delight you with a promise of more
We will invoke in your hearts a since of passion
As we cascade from the ceiling to the floor

Our job is simple in its pursuit
It is nothing more than to astound you
It’s simplicity is just a rouse to
As the difficulties plaque even those who do

Our movements as fluid as they seem
Are made from years of training
To be able to fly without using wings
Is quite nearly an impossible thing

With our beautiful extravagant costumes
And our special built in set
We will charge to get you out of your rooms
Hoping you’ll have no regrets

As we swing above your heads
Dropping glitter from above
It will look as if a couple had wed
All you need then is some love

We will vibrate you from your feet down to your core
Our sounds will take you to places long ago
The urge to jump with us will make your heart sore
When the show is over you wont want to go.

Hard Times or Hardly Working?

I’m not rich by any means. But I also don’t consider myself poor. I have enough to get me by, so I am thankful. When I was in between homes I was lucky to have ample wonderful friends and family to help me out and I know lots of people don’t have that kind of safety net. But I worked hard to make a home for myself as most of us do. I am thankful I was able to call on my personal abilities to survive and never had to beg for money from strangers or even my friends and family. Because of this, I understand that people have struggles and things can get really rough, but I have a hard time trusting all the people that stand on corners with signs asking for money.
I try to trust that prople are being honest but lately, I don’t trust that if I gave someone my money they would infant, spend it on food or rent. Especially considering I have seen on several occasions men wearing ratty clothes and looking dirty, jump into nicer cars then mine, after standing on such a corner, being given money all day. It disgusts me that some people do this for a living and can actually make more money than me. It’s because of this distrust that I never give my money away.
I will however drive out of my way or take time out of my day, to pick up food somewhere for someone who may be asking for money, because the idea of people starving to death, especially in my own neighborhood is very disturbing. I don’t expect anything for doing this for people, except maybe a “Thank You”. And yet it is amazing to me just how many of the people I buy food for, are NOT appreciative. They almost seem irritated that I am not handing them a wad of cash.
Once a friend of mine and I made about 30 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, bagged them up and drove around town handing them out to people who were searching through trash and or standing on corners. I was dismayed to find so many people who had no interest at all in our sandwiches, all they wanted was money. Some would be standing there with a sign asking for “food or money” and still turn down the sandwich and ask us for money? I heard once that if a child is really hungry than they will eat what ever you give them and that is why you should never make special meals just for picky kids. Wouldn’t the same be true for us adults? If we are truly hungry wouldn’t any edible item be a wonderful treat? I wondered if they were worried our food was bad or if we had some how poisoned our sandwiches in some of evil plot to rid the town of the local homeless population. I could see where they would maybe be hesitant to try something homemade. I mean all us Americans grew up tricker treating and being told by our parents to NOT eat the home made candy because it could have strychnine or razor blades in it; I understand where that deep seeded paranoia comes from. Because of that I started buying foods from stores and restaurants. Now I look for homeless people if I have leftovers from a meal out, so I can give it to them.
I guess I am finding it harder and harder to help a stranger out and I find that frustrating. I worry that the people who panhandle for no reason, than that it’s easier than getting a job, are destroying the faith that the rest of us should have that our helpful donations are actually going to someone who deserves it and would really appreciate it. Will we all become so jaded that we suspect everyone is lying and so therefor no good deeds are done or have we already become this jaded? I hate that people who really need help and who are working hard to make it, are the ones missing out.
Sometime people can really disappoint me and I hate that.

Blackbirds Feast

It looked as though a layer of black lace had been placed over the earth
Pockets of the unearthed ground popped out from under its coverage

The lace rippled in the wind even though there was none
It lifted itself from its resting place in a haunting display of darkness

A million thumping sounds could be heard across the valley
The fluttering of wings as the blackbirds Scavenged for their prey

If you listened hard enough you could hear the soil screaming
Trapped under the cloak of their shade longing for the suns sultry touch

The life within it just recently exposed from the mowing
Petrified by the prickling feeling of the blackness that now towers above

The weight of one bird is not enough to stop a blade of grass from rising again
But the weight of so many bony claws was more than any blade can bare

How long would these onyx predators stay in this forsaken place
How far had they flown to be here

Their many beaks plowed into the dirt with hopes of finding a fresh meal
As the worms tried desperately to funnel deeper into the hard earth

Just as suddenly as they arrived the layer of black lace lifted from the earth
Scattering like the ants whose home had just need destroyed

They rose like ashes in a wind storm swaying like boats in a choppy sea
Gliding to any nearby branch they could find

The blackbirds caws could be heard for miles around
A symphony of pain and frustration, As the earth was able to breath once more
And the trees suddenly stood still from their waited arms

Happy Anniversary To Me

Dear WordPress friends

To all my friends, followers and to all the people who just check into my blog from time to time, I want to thank you for your time and attention.  I have been writing as FunnygirlLoLa for three years exactly now.  It never occurred to me when I started writing that anyone would actually be interested in what I had to say.  To me this was a way for me to keep my sanity and to express myself in words. I wrote all the time when I was younger.  I wrote a number of journals, books of poems and of course papers for teachers in school.  When I was done with college I placed all my journals, poetry and even books to read in a drawer and locked it.  I was done!  I was so tired of writing and reading, I didn’t care when or if I would ever partake of those pleasures again.  I think this feeling came from the fact that they were not pleasurable for me anymore.  Always reading countless books, texts and papers for school and then reporting on what I read,  was so boring to me.  School took my love of reading a writing from me.

I guess I needed 20 years!  20 years to pick up a pen and paper.  20 years to read a book for fun.  I am happy that I have rediscovered my joy for these things.  I am even happier that so many of you appreciate what I may have to say.

I do want to apologize for my terrible spelling and grammar.  I was not hooked on phonics!  I was nine when my teachers discovered I could still NOT read.  I was in the “challenged” (or in other words STUPID) classes for years.  My parents didn’t know at the time that I was dealing with more than lack of attention.  They had no clue i could not hear most of what teachers were saying to me or that I had a learning disability.  I struggled with school all the way through college.  Nothing ever came easy to me, unlike my brothers who could skip all classes, and all the homework assignments, come in on test day and get an A on the exam.  I was at every class, doing all the homework and still had a hard time passing tests.  Yet, I was still my families first college graduate and I graduated with honors, no less.   I may not be the best at spelling or forming sentences but that does not mean that I don’t have something important to say.

My goal in life, is to write for a living and to love it,  wouldn’t that be amazing?  What if this woman who could barley read and who still has a hard time identifying a sentence actually was able to make a living at writing?  I wish you all the ability to do what it is you love for a living.  I wish you all luck and please, wish me luck as well.  Please keep reading and commenting, I appreciate all of your feed back.

Sincerely

LoLa

Haunted

When I first moved into my new place I thought for sure it was haunted. At the time I was dating a man who would get premonitions of the future. It was one of his premonitions that I feel made me fall even harder for him ( but that’s a different story). I asked him if he saw any premonitions that he thought might come from the ghost in my closet and he never felt or saw anything. But I knew that my home had a unsettled soul living in it.
You see almost every time I opened the closet door in the master bedroom I would see a dead man hanging from the back of it. It got to the point after a few months of this, that I would flinch every time I would open my closet door because I would be so scared I would see him again. I would tell you what he was wearing or what he looked like, if I had ever grown relaxed with this vision. But as it was, I would see the man, looking out towards me, his head dipped down to one side, a noose placed securely around his neck, cutting off his oxygen. All I know is I would be so over come with fear and sadness, I would close my eyes and turn away. Whenever I turned back to try and get a better look at him, he would be gone.
I tried everything to get rid of the ghost. I tried blessed tea leaves, saging and nothing worked. I called a friend of mine who’s mom is psychic and I asked her for some guidance. She told me she felt there was no spirit attached to the house. Still he kept hanging amongst my unused clothes.
At some point my boyfriend and I broke up and he moved far away. Before he left he had become more and more angry with me over things that he was imagining in his head. My love for him was always evident to me but he could never accept it. His anger would effect his daily thoughts and his own demons that plagued his heart started to consume him.
When he finally left my ghost left with him. I have had no vision of any type since then. I have had no weird feeling like there is anyone else living here but me. I never worry about what I will see when I open my closet door anymore and now I wonder why. I have thought about this many times and the only plausible thing that makes any sense to me is that the dead man I kept seeing in my closet was not in fact dead at all. I feel now that I was never actually being haunted by a unsettled spirit. But, that I actually was getting my ex lovers premonitions instead of him and the man hanging in the back of my closet was in fact him. I truly believe that if he had stayed with me, If he had stayed here in this place he would have ended up hanging himself in my closet and I would have found him.
I know my home is peaceful now that he is gone and I hope that my ex has found peace with in himself. As for me I think he will be the last man I chose to be with who has a psychic ability like that, because I was grossly ill prepared for his visions.

You’re Still On Your First Marriage

I remember about a decade ago when I was at my cousin’s wedding. I sat at a table with my husband, five of my uncles and some of their wives. As we enjoyed our meal,  we discussed marriage and my uncles all made offhanded jokes about it. All of them seemed a  bit disgusted towards the sanctity of marriage and (their comments were not positive). Suddenly one of my uncles turned to me and said “OH sorry guys” as he turned his attention to my husband and I, ” I should be more appreciative of marriage around you two”. Then he turns to his brothers smirks a says,  as he turns back to me, “Your still on your first marriage” and all my uncles cracked up.

I remember being really bothered by his statement.  I then realized as I looked at them all, that all five of my uncles were currently on their second marriages.  I then wondered if they were all just jaded because their first marriages didn’t pan out as planned?  Or were they aware of something that I was in fact not?  I looked at my husband who I had been with for over a decade already and I wondered when we had sex last.   I had barely spoken to him all day and the love that radiated the banquet room from the newlyweds, still had not penetrated our obvious detachment from one another.   At the time I had no thoughts of divorce. I couldn’t imagine a life without him in it.  As bored as I may have been at the time with us, there was nothing in me that even realized that I was unhappy.

Now, I am divorced and I understand what I had feared I was missing back then, and which my uncles knew.  The statement still makes me wonder,”You’re still on your first marriage”.   Why do more second marriages last longer than first marriages?  Why do we even give it another go?  Why do we keep trying the things that obviously just don’t seem to work?  Why is it that it is so hard for marriages and specifically first marriages to succeed?  I wonder if it comes down to our need to procreate? Or is it all about just fulfilling that need to be married?  You know, that  magical “HAPPILY EVER AFTER” that is instilled in all of us with every Disney story we watched?  I had a huge drive to JUST be married.  Like some how my life would begin when I had a ring on my finger.   I found a great guy,  who I was really comfortable with.  I  fought like hell to make sure he wanted me around for ever, but when forever came, life was still the same.  Nothing really changed, maybe my address, my last name, my weight.  But, this mystical life of joy and married bliss never really came.  I found myself wondering at some point, “this is it?  Now what?”

At this point I don’t know if I will ever get married again.  I really don’t feel the need.  I love someone and I want to wake up in his arms every morning; but do I need to marry him?  No!  Here is where I wonder where the differences in first in second marriages reside…  If I did get married again, I would make sure he really was ALL of the things on my “Perfect Man” list and  I would not compromise.  I would marry for NO other reason then the fact that I WAS COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH HIM!  I would not marry him because he was beautiful and I would have beautiful children with him.  I would not marry him because he could support me or because I expect something to be magically perfect when I did.  I would marry for love, already blissful and with no urge to change anything at all.  It’s actually a very freeing and wonderfully exciting thought.  And maybe it’s that lack of expectation or magic that we are aware is just bullshit, that makes us chose better partners the second time around?  Or maybe it’s just because we are choosing are partners for the right reasons the second time around?

Why would my uncle assume that I would Marry again?  Is that another thing that I am not aware of?

Hormones suck!

I am having hormone issues galore! They are making me so crazy my doctor tried to prescribe me Prozac yesterday. I asked her, “why would I take the “happy” pill everyday when I am only quick to be emotional one week a month? (which by the way I have studied Prozac in school and I know in some cases they can cause people to go off the deep end). She said “fine then take them when you feel emotional”. Of course she knew my next statement would be, “but I don’t know when I am being emotional until its passed and I look back at the events that took place and how I handled them” Aaaahhhhhh!!

Ok, so these pesky internal mechanisms we call hormones are irritating my brain waves, which are in turn causing emotional and physical stress and my only recourse is to treat the outcome on my body and not the pesky mechanisms? Would it make more sense to just make my hormones regular so I’m not needing a happy pill to counteract my crazy?

My chiropractor suggested I try acupuncture. She said it would help my physical pain and could help even out my hormones. My doctor disagreed, she said acupuncture will not effect hormones enough. She then prescribed me a birth-control pill even though I can’t have children. (Is this just more chemicals to bring into my body? Or are these just hormones? I don’t know) I hated being on the pill when I was younger. My husband hated being around me one week a month. So will that really effect anything? Are they just going to let me know I will only be a basket case for this particular time frame?
All I know is lately when my moon cycle starts to come calling I am unable to handle the simplest tasks. I am weepy and so very offended by the smallest negative statement. I cry at the drop of the hat. I wake in the middle of the night stressing about ANYTHING IMAGINABLE. I physically ache in my back and stomach from cramps. My legs will throb and I will be so bloated I will joke with my man that I am pregnant with his child. (Ok maybe that’s not funny).
All I know is I am really embarrassed by my emotional wellness. I am ashamed that it has effected my work and my coworkers work environment; yet I don’t want to discuss it with any of them because I don’t want to be coined as “the emotional one” or as the “drama queen” (as my boss referred to me this week).

I don’t know what I am going to do? But, I think maybe I will try the acupuncture. Maybe that will be the fix all for everything and I can just go back to being normal crazy me. Maybe my doctor just thinks I should be on Prozac in general? LoL
I don’t know but I do know its been another crazy week in Lola-Land and its only Wednesday.

Previous Older Entries

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan