Thankful For It All

As I headed out of my home that took me all morning to clean, I was thankful that as much of a pain in my ass it is to keep it up, at least I have it. I walked with my cloth grocery bags to the nearest store and I was so thankful I had them to provide me strong support for my future purchases. I was struck with the chill in the air but the beauty of the sunny day and I was thankful for my long sleeve shirt and sunglasses. As I rose my face into the sun and soaked in its heat I was thankful for it. Suddenly the most beautiful live version of Patti Griffith singing “hallelujah” came on my Pandora station and I was so thankful for its amazing sounds that distorted the ugly traffic flying by next to me. As I rounded the corner to the store and past yet another homeless person, an older gentlemen with no shoes. I was thankful once again for all I have including the ratty flip flops that barley protected the souls of my feet. I was thankful that I was able to buy my own groceries along with some for the man on the corner. But I was even more thankful for his gratitude.
Happy Belated Thanksgiving Everyone. I hope you are all able to find thanks in the little things in life.

I’m the cow

I drive by many beautiful things on the way to work. I pass sweeping hills of vineyards with hot air balloons hovering above. I am lucky enough to live in a vacation get away. However, I also drive past run down homes, homeless people and cow farms.
It’s the cow farm that caught my eye on this Particular day. I noticed how the cows were all marching single file into their pens for the night. There must have been about fifty dirty cows heading back in, and even the cows who were no where near the fenced-in path to their pens, were still lined up two at a time ready to fit in the narrow pathway. There was no farmer standing there directing them to ” line up”. There was no light flashing to notify them that it was their turn to go. How do they know to line up like most people do ( I’m not going to say all because I’ve been to Disneyland. There are some people who do not get the “waiting in line” concept)? Just as odd as the smart cows all perfectly aligned, was the one stubborn cow still laying in the mud, just to the left of ” the line”. She basked in the fading sun and relaxed as all of her friends and family members stood in the barely moving line. I actually laughed out loud when I saw her ( I don’t even know if this cow was male or female but I have made it A female cow in my mind) because all I could think is “that would so be me”.
I am that comfy cow still out sitting in the field. I’m the cow who ignores the disappearing sun or feeding time rituals. Its like when I am about to fly. I don’t care what aisle they are calling to load next. I don’t care if I’m first on the list. The last thing I want to do is stand in a line. I would rather wait until everyone has just about got into their seats and then I will board the plane. I am not trying to screw anything up by not waiting with my loading group, it’s just something I have always done. Even as a cow I think I would hate to look at my friends ass for an hour as I stood face to butt in line. Why not just relax and wait patiently for things to clear up.
Who knows maybe this cow was just being lazy? Maybe she was trying to protest what was for dinner and was trying to start a ” sit-in” or uproar. Maybe like in the “duck” series of books, she is the president of her farm and so she feels she is above waiting in line? I will never know because I don’t speak cow. But, it struck me as funny that the cows would have such a diplomatic way of working with one another like humans and yet, just like humans there’s always that one cow who is still hell bent on doing its on thing.

Just another day in LoLa-land

Big Boob Issues

My friend recently sent me a list of 12 bad things you deal with when you have big boobs. She felt I would be able to relate. The list consisted of these:
1- Big boobs suck because you may have stains you can’t see under your boob so you have no idea it’s there. (I don’t usually deal with this. I pretty much always have a stain on my clothes)
2- It sucks when you are at  a bar and how the bar counter will be right at boob level, so the only comfortable thing to do is to just lay those suckers on the bar. (I will admit I have done this. I can’t lie; I am embarrassed to admit it.)
3- How about being on a plane with turbulence and have them shaking all over. (Ok this happens to me all the time and I kind of like it. Hee hee I find it kind of a turn on. LoL)
4- It’s always a possibility someone will ask you if they can Motorboat you. (This really only happens with drunk young men which I have a normal response to. “Honey you would drown”, nobody else is that stupid.)
5. 6, & 7- seat belts, purse straps and suspenders- Do they go in between our boobs (that looks stupid), around the outsides (just pushes them together) or over the top of your boobs ( which make the straps seem huge).
8- Doing the dishes is never a dry experience. (That’s all that needs to be said)
9- objects are never safe if placed in front of large breasts. They had an example of a woman knocking over a glass of water with her boob. (I have actually accidentally started a copier with my breast before.)
10- How about ruffled shirts, they just make your boobs look even BIGGER! (Uh hu)
11- buying tank tops with built in bras. LMAO (like that could ever be enough support!)
12- Stairs and going down them quickly. (Honestly the idea of this makes me wince like when a man imagines getting hit in the balls).

The post made me laugh but also got me to thinking. There are still so very many other things that drive me crazy about having larger boobs. (Don’t get me wrong I am thankful for them but this is fun so, I’m going to keep going.)

I would like to add these:
13- Why just planes? Let’s add roller coasters and any activity regarding four wheels and off roading and even worse water sports, with only a bathing suit on. My chest always hurts when I get home, from all the jumping around.
14- What about the sweat. You can all pretend it doesn’t exist but I hate boob sweat. Yet wearing a bra all day and night is not my idea of fun, especially when the underwire starts to dig into my armpit.   So yah, I buy the tank tops with built in bras to lounge in, and yet they are never big enough in the boob area. So the elastic band shoots horizontally over the center of my tits and feels like I’m trying to cut them in half after an hour of wearing it.
15-My favorite one is when pregnant woman complain that they gained so much weight they can’t see their feet anymore because of their stomach. All I’m thinking is “honey I haven’t been able to see my feet since 10th grade. It’s always scary to just bend over to see what shoes you have on, because you never know if the weight of the ta-ta’s will allow you to get back up again”

I’m taking it with me

I’m taking it with me when I go
I’m taking all the love I’ve ever known

I’m taking the dreams and the wishes
I’m leaving behind a sink of dirty dishes

I’m taking my heartache and pain
I’m taking my memories of the rain

I’m taking a my goals and successes
There’s no need to pack any suitcases

I’m taking the sweetness and the joy
I’m leaving the game, no need to be coy

I’m taking my voice and its song
No note I sing will ever be wrong

I’m taking my laughter and will
As I fly out the window sill

I will take all my sorrows as a lesson
As you place me in a box to rest in

Story of good fortune

A friend of mine went to the local casino because it is the new big attraction around here. She had never been gambling before so she was excited to try her luck. She walked into the lush bright new casino with $140.00 in her pocket and hopes to leave with more.

She started at a slot machine. Having never gambled before she thought it would be an easy way to get her feet wet. She put $20.00 in and pushed a few buttons and before she knew it her $20.00 was just a memory and the devil of a machine was asking for more funds. Frustrated she got up to find a new machine.
She then sat down at one of the old school machines that have only three rolling bars and the big silver handle to pull. She figured this would be easier than the other one that ate all her money so quickly. She tried to read the directions that stated what pictures would be winners and started to play. She thought it was a penny machine, not realizing it was a $5.00 slots.
She pulled the handle and watched the spinning pictures go. When they stopped she couldn’t tell if she won or not. So she pulled the handle again. Again she was unsure if she won or lost but it still said she had credit in the machine so she pulled the lever again. Still there were no big whistles or lights; she was starting to become irritated. “Why couldn’t she win ANYTHING!?” She tried the lever one more time but this time it would not work. She thought to herself, “How the hell did I go through $20 in two pulls?” She was about to get up and find yet another machine when she read this weird small print scrolling past her on the screen, “you have won! Please wait for an attendant”.
She was so confused, “what did she win? Why did she have to have attendant? Was she in trouble? What did she do wrong? “. She turned to the strange man sitting next to her and said, “Do you know what’s wrong with this thing!”
He looked at her slots machine, grunts and irritated says, “Yah you won”.
“Really!? How much?” She asks him.
“You won ten thousand dollars” he responds blankly.
“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME”!!!! She squealed as she sat stunned.
“I have never gambled before in my life and I JUST WON $10,000 DOLLARS” declared my 50 (something) year old friend as the stranger grunted again.  Soon a crowd had formed around her as I am sure they waited for the presentation of her big cardboard check. Still stunned, this single mother of two college age children, living in subsidized housing, who is always struggling to make her monthly bills, turned to the crowd and said joyfully, “I bet you all wish you were me right now!”
I tell you this couldn’t have happened to a better person. It’s been a week and she is still on cloud nine. She has had a grin on her face for the entire week and has reveled in the realization that she CAN buy those nice pots and pans she has been coveting. She can buy the new fancy sewing machine she has been salivating over for years. For the first time,  in as long as she remembers, she can buy whatever her kids want and buy them easily. We went out to celebrate a friend’s birthday and as she sat the bar with me with her huge grin she turned to me and said, “I can buy everyone in here a drink if I want to!”
I am so happy for her joy and I know she will be wise about how she uses it.

How Did I Get Here

Every now and then I find myself somewhere and I start thinking, ” How did I get here”? Usually it’s when I find myself in a church or some stranger’s family event. Tonight I found myself asking that question in a bathroom.
It was one of my best friends birthday so we took her out to dinner and dancing. It was almost midnight and I was sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall of the women’s bathroom in the bar. All I could hear was what seemed like 20 woman talking at once ( I am sure it was more like 10). But they were all talking over each other and at each other. As I sat on my porcelain throne, my urine frozen in me (from fear I’m sure), I tried to relax enough to pee. At the same time I was listening to the multitudes of conversations that penetrated my normally solitary room and obliterated any hope of hearing the music that was shaking my boobs.
Some woman were going on and on about what they had on. Two were discussing a conversation one had earlier with a man, where she told him she thought he was lying and found the purple thong. Three girls were confronting another girl about how there was obviously something wrong with her and she kept denying that she was upset, as they just kept railroading her that she was upset. Then there was the girl on the phone talking to her friend about how her ex, “is here tonight with that skank bitch….” Oy vay” my head was swimming.
I was trying to focus on doing my business, as I tried to listen to all the drunken drama around me and also realizing this is the stall I got my first chick kiss in. All the while I myself am… Tipsy and all I can think is “how did I get here”?

Oh well, it’s just another night in LoLa-Land

One Cycle

Some of you men may not be aware of this but I am sure all of you woman are; It is a well know fact amongst us females that when we spend a lot of time with certain woman and we are not being influenced by birth control parameters , we will start to cycle at the same time. Well this has got me thinking about some pretty scary stuff.

What if there was no birth control? What if there was nothing a woman could take to some how alter the cycle for which she menstruated. Would all woman in the world, at some point, cycle at the exact same time?!? How horrifying would that be? If you are an avid reader of my blog you will know that I suffer from PMS and have tried to take many steps, apart from chemical warfare, to eliminate my PMS symptoms. I get the entire gamut of issues from excessive bloating, sadness, stress, anger, hunger, tired, bowel issues; hell, I even get extremely horny at times. Most of these symptoms can come on for no reason at all and I won’t even realize there’s and issue, only that I’m really sad.
What would the world be like for seven days if every woman in the world was to be dealing with these emotions at the exact same time? Men would have to hide in caves only praying that they are not discovered. Chocolate would have to be stored in bulk in all stores. Feminine products would need to be just left on door steps so as to avoid any mishaps. restaurants would need to double up on delivery staff for all the lazy, bloated woman who just have that “not so fresh feeling”. Tv channels would need to run countless streams of romantic comedies and tear jerkers.
I don’t know if society as a whole could handle such a event. So I pledge that beyond just being able to have population control, that we enlist a new law making birth control pills and any other menstrual cycle altering drug always available for woman around the world. For the love of all that is good and peaceful in this world I impore you all to join me in my cause.

THRIFT SHOP FEAT by MACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWIS

Today I’d like to do a shout out to another musical stand-out song. It’s a new one and I fricking love it. It incorporates so many of my favorite things: rap, a good beat, awesome rhymes, humor, bad language and the Goodwill. Ever since the divorce I have found a new found love for thrift stores. Because to be quite honest, I can afford them. I have found many great treasures and most of the clothes I wear that people comment on as being cute, are items I got at a thrift store.
So, here is my shout out to MACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWIS – THRIFT SHOP FEAT. WANZ (OFFICIAL VIDEO)
ByRyan Lewis452,670,211 views

Well done gentlemen. Thanks for the laugh and the funky beat to shake my ass to.

My Reality

I’m so pissed right now I could literally spit nails
I would love to scrape a chalk board with my finger nails

The little hairs all over my body are standing upright
Like someone shoved me in to water on a cold winter’s night

I have been grinding the back of my teeth for so long
My cheek hurt from the pressure that doesn’t normally belong

My shoulders are officially holding up both my ears
As the stress from my furry make me look a bit queer

My lips are so pursed I worry I’m causing facial lines
But that is the last thing I can think about at this time

My head is aching from the decisions I must make
I wish I had a drug problem so I could just hallucinate.

I want to climb in bed and hide from it all
Maybe just throw my body up against a wall

Let me scream at someone for just 20 minutes or so
Not to long just enough to let the whole neighborhood know

This behavior is not something that’s working for me
Take all excuses and shove them where the sun never sees

I’m praying for a better day tomorrow maybe even some clarity
If not, then I am going to need to make a big change to my reality

The Courtship

Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about “The Courtship” process.  I am a bit jaded these days about it, so you have to excuse the negativity.  I think that “the courtship” process is just False Advertising.   People are so into putting out their best foot on the first dates.  They are willing to only share the good things about themselves and treat you the way they think you may want them to.   It makes sense, I mean really, if a man took me out and told me on the first date that he beat his ex-wife and lost custody of his kid because he was a drunk, I am sure I would write him off right then and there.
But, is it beneficial for anyone to paint a perfect picture of WONDERFUL, when you are not?   Why treat a woman like a princess just to land her?  What are you going to do when you do land her?  Are you prepared to keep treating her that way?  Why look at a woman like she is the prettiest woman in the world and be so mystified that you see NO ONE but her, only to see everyone but her, when she decides she likes you too.  Why go out of your way to express your desire for someone if that desire is just a temporary side effect to the ache in your pants?
We woman fall for that extra special treatment, It’s like someone put us in the middle of a romantic comedy and we are the lead actress.  We see stars and moonbeams, we light up from the attention and the obvious feelings the man has for us.  We think to ourselves, “Oh wow!  Romance isn’t dead after all!”   Then we fall into these hopes, these dreams that this movie could in fact be our lives.  “ahh maybe he is the one.  Maybe he is the one who will always adore me.  Maybe he will be the one to do all those special things I thought would never come true”.  We dive, blinded by our own desires for this perfect life.  We dive into this film that is in fact a spoof on Romantic Comedies or some horror movie in disguise.
If one has no intention of acting in a relationship like one does on a first date, then why act that way at all?  Why paint a fake picture?  If you are not the kind of person who likes to hold your partners hand when you walk with them, then don’t do it during the courtship.  If you are the kind of person who thinks a woman should pay for part of the meal than ask her about that before you go out. Don’t. wait until you get to the restaurant and don’t do it just when you are getting to know the other person.  Let them know your intentions before they get used to a fake you.

There has to be some middle of the road.  There has to be a space between, where you are being yourself without maybe displaying your skeletons all at once and yet at the same time, being more yourself then some super amazing version of you that is only evident during holidays or when you see someone else you think is hot.

Previous Older Entries

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan