Diary of a Work-aholic

Tomorrow will be the 19th day straight in a row that I have had to work. During the week I have been pulling 10 hour days and about 5 on the weekends. I am supposed to go on a vacation soon and I am sitting here contemplating bring my computer and some paperwork with me.
Why? Why do I see my vacation time as a chance to get some solid work done? Why can I not relax and just enjoy myself? I know myself well enough to know that if I feel restless at any point during my time away, I will wish I had my work. I will start the mental mind fuck that I like to put myself through. Telling myself how stupid I was to leave home without my papers and then I will feel the guilt, from the overwhelming feeling like, “I’m wasting my time”. This feeling will weigh on me causing me to beat myself up internally. All the while, my man and family, will wonder why I am so detached or think I am upset about something.
At the same time, I am well aware that there is nothing wasteful about taking time for myself. I know how important it is to travel. Honestly, I have so many things I love to do with my spare time. I don’t get bored. I have so many things I want to do, but; I don’t have time to do. So why, when I have “free” time, do I always fill it with work? Knowing this, knowing that I could get to do so many things I love, knowing I will have ample time to be free, why am I worried about work during a vacation?

It’s just another busy day in LoLa-Land

Quiet New Year

I’ve been silent a lot so far this year and I apologize for that. I have been very busy with work and find I am too spent, to put to words, the funny commentary and interesting stories that make up my life. There are plenty of poems and stories I have started and never finished because they do not meet my suddenly, strict censorship of my work. I wonder where that comes from? I started this blog to clear my head. I know I have mis-spellings. I know I have run-on and incomplete sentences. So, why now, after all these years is that suddenly an issue for me? Enough of an issue, that even this post has sat unfinished for days.

My mind has been cluttered. This is my busiest season and I chose now to start a new path within the same field and took a new job. As I train someone to replace me at my old job, train at my new job and still handle my own business’s busy season, I have been too stressed to finish anything of the personal nature. This change in work has affected every other aspect of my life. Financially I am taking a big hit for a few months. Physically I have been so busy working out gets pushed to the back of the line and cooking is simply a luxury I don’t have. Health wise, I am doing ok, now that I found a new acupuncture clinic but I was worried for awhile. My love and my libido have been put in the guest room and are allowed out during temporary moments of forced relaxation. My joy level is on hold until I fully vacate my old life and accept my new one. However, from what I have encountered thus far I feel like it’s going to be a good fit for me.

I guess this is me checking in. I will try to write more next month as I plan to be far more relaxed. Until then, I wish all my lovely followers a wonderful January 2014.

It’s just a very busy day in LoLa-Land

Kindling

Hello fire you can call me straw
I am the fat kid with their back against the wall
I have no bucket of skills from which to draw
Hitting rock bottom is never a long fall

Hello straw you can call me fire
I am the one always taking out the trash
Always two seconds short of getting it in under the wire.
I will always be the one who appears about to crash

Hello fire you can call me water
I’m the nerd who eats lunch in the library
Waiting to blaze as things start to get hotter
This behaved woman will never make history

Hello water you can call me sun
I am the balloon that always floats away
I am always the butt of people’s puns
The uncomfortable one with nothing to say

Hello sun you call me kindling
Standing to close to the flame
Always waiting for the happy ending
But always expecting it to rain

Handle With Care

If you could see their insides
And hold them in the light
You would see the abundant scars
Realizing they’ve had quite the fight

You could see the internal traumas
Encased inside the silent heart
To you it may seem of sadness
But to others they’d call it art

Put aside the outward appearance
Take note of any small disease
Just consider what you’re looking at
Is so much more than what you see

Get a better look under a microscope
Capture a shot from every side
The heart that you are gazing at
Once had a life and then it died

With every beat it did a job
Of keeping a loved one alive
With every passing blood cell
That person was able to strive

This may have been your love
It could have been your mother
It may have been your neighbor
Who helped defend your brother

It might have been made of passion
A famous author, singer or physician
Or someone with special abilities
Saving lives with perfect intuition

Please stop for a moment of wonder
To rejoice in this perfect gift
Someone’s life has just ended
Their family left to drift

Appreciate its tender nature
Be amazed at it’s long lasting career
Without the heart we would all be lost
So please handle it with care

January 1st 2014

I saw the most beautiful thing today in the most unlikely place. I had just pulled off the freeway and was waiting on the off ramp to turn onto the main road. When I noticed for the first time, (even though I have both driven and walked past this corner many times before) a cluster of leafless oaks haunting the landscape before me.
There was a bright orange and red beaming light from the sun shining through the different tree branches from behind. The sun caused the trees to appear black and stern. They stood so proud and ominous, it was breathtaking.
It seemed to me like something you would see on a calendar page or the as a full wall mural on a airport wall. It made my trip home an incredible experience.
Thank you Mother Nature. Welcome 2014.

2013 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 7,900 times in 2013. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 7 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan