I’ve never been the kind of person who looks down when they walk. Maybe that is why I am always stepping In it.

Finding Joy

I need to find my joy in life. You know, that one thing that makes you excited to live each day. I need to stop relying on the men in my life or my family and friends to fill the void I have within me. I need to see where my true hearts desire resides and DO THAT!

How does one go about finding their joy? I have always been in awe of the people who have known from an early age what they want to do this life; How lucky to be so aware of their joy. All they have had to do it figure out how to make it a reality and time is in their favor.
Now don’t get me wrong I am not throwing in the towel on my capturing what it is I really want to do and doing it, before my time runs out. When I was in college the class was split between the 20 something year olds like me and the 50 something year olds, working on their new found joy. I know what we as humans are capable of if we just set our minds to it.

( Get to the point LoLa) I guess what I am trying to say in this random post is that I find myself at the crossroads again and I have no idea which way to go. But unlike choosing a new job, ( which I did and I love) or finding a new home, (which I love even more) this should be an enjoyable experience instead if a nuisance. I need to remember this as I set forth in finding my Joy. I need to let go of the life I was happily living and had no desire of letting go of and throw open the door to trying some new things. If I don’t try, I will never know, right? Joy comes to me all the time in all ways. But I guess what I really need is to figure out my calling for this life and master in it. Wish this girl luck. I will try and keep you posted.

We Are Right Here

You are not alone my love
You don’t need to feel abandoned
You are not that single white dove
Fighting for peace on this planet

You may only see yourself in that mirror
So beautiful and shy
Let your background become clearer
See what resides behind

There is love for you everywhere
It surrounds you in warmth and glows
There are people who hold you with care
And would do anything to eliminate your woes

Take comfort in this family of yours
Hold on tight to our support
Reach for us when you feel off course
Let our love be your ships port

You may feel like your lost at sea
As if the only person you can count on is you
But, the truth is a sweeter reality
Our love for you is unyielding and true.

No matter how hard you may try to push us away
No matter how far you may travel
We will always have a soft bed for you to lay
When your life feels like it will unravel

You may not feel us in every moment
Our feelings for you may seem unclear
Please my love, hear this sweet atonement
What ever happens “We Are Right Here”

You will always be loved by many
With a hand to hold where ever you are
Our love for you is a beautiful symphony
And You my sweet are the star

Ear holding shoulders

I have been so tense and stressed out lately, that my shoulders have been acting as my neck. I almost look like a beheaded person, with my talking head just sitting on a table, the table that is my very tense shoulders. I was just starting to feel like I had some bearings at my new job and they go and throw a new client at me.

Don’t get me wrong I am always up for a challenge, but; I also need to feel confident in my work before I jump into something new. I guess I feel like the appropriate level of confidence has not yet been attained and I am right back to where I was two weeks ago, feeling ungrounded.

Nothing like a constant change-up in the job to keep my stomach upset and make my hair go gray. I am trying so hard to stay in the moment and not let the constant worry of other peoples finances effect my personal time or my body. Yet it is usually the worries, that I have forgotten to make a payment for a client ( which 99% of the time I have made the payment) or trying to recall if my payroll taxes were submitted, that wake me up in the most ungodly hour of the early morning.

I am an OX by Chinese New Years Standards. The Ox is said to be dependable, strong and a very hard worker. I never played sports in school because I always had an after school job. I see where some peoples passion lies in their hobbies, mine seems to lie within my work. Work is what drives me. But, how do I work enough and yet know when to stop and do something else? I want to keep growing personally not just at work.

I worry this new job does not support personal growth enough. The constant push to be more and more productive, makes me wonder when it will all stop? There is something to be said for having a happy mind, body and spirit, as much as I love to work, my body and spirit are being set aside and I don’t like that. I also don’t like not knowing where my neck is. I’m hoping I’ll be able to relax my shoulders soon and maybe, find my neck again
Hummmm just another day in LoLa-Land

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan