The Baggage of Age

Another single friend of mine was over the other night and we started to discuss her many suitors and how none of them are ones that she takes seriously because of all of their baggage that they have. She expressed how she is unwilling to even open the door to her heart to let them in because she is always waiting for the other shoe to drop and waiting for their little ugly side to come to light.
Apparently a man she’s known for decades asked her if she trusted him and she was quick to tell him “hell no! I don’t trust any one”! She told him that at 40 years old with all that she has been through in life regarding men that trust is never just laid out for them on arrival.

It made me think of myself and my own trust issues. It made me think of when I was younger and I first started even being interested in the idea of love and sex. I would throw my heart open to any boy who would show me any interest. I would trust them completely and fall so hard so fast, every single time. The door to my heart was never closed. I would thrust it open for them and usher them in, while holding out a pair of slippers and a pipe to make them feel more at home. But now, much like my friend, after years of games, pain, lies and not quite getting all I wanted or needed, I never just throw the door open anymore. Now, if a man wants my love, he needs to knock on the door to my heart for awhile. Even if the knocking wakes my heart up I don’t just throw the door open. I may walk through it and shut it behind me or stand in it while it remains ajar. But it is never an easy thing to get me to open up.

Is this baggage that shuts us down a bad thing or a good thing? A heart is a terrible thing to just let anyone play with, yet I feel like the only time we can really be real with people is when we are coming from our hearts. But, speaking from the heart and acting on the hearts desires are different from leaving your heart open and letting someone in. But, can we have any kind of real loving wonderful relationships if we don’t fully open ourselves up? Because we have to remember that opening our hearts may bring us pain but it may also bring us a lot of wonderful.

Another therapy night with friends in LoLa-Land


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Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan