Honesty or stupidity

I was recently asked out by a man via email. The only picture he had seen of me was from LinkedIn and that was how he contacted me.
He said, ” hi LoLa would you ever want to go to the wince country with me?”

His LinkedIn message came with a photo of him but it was hard to see. I My response was, “I would be willing to go to the wine country with you if I could get to know you better first”. So, we start emailing and I quickly realize that I am asking him all the questions and he is asking me nothing. Then when I ask him what he wanted to do in the wine country? He suddenly said he didn’t know and I should plan something. (Really?)

Then, the man wants me to email him more pictures of myself, his excuse being, “if and when we go out I can recognize you.” I kept ignoring the request for more photos because I already was finding myself bored. Finally I said to him, “why do you want another picture so bad? Are you worried I’m a dog?”
He replied “LoLa, I just wanted to make sure you are not overweighted (that’s something which pushes me back in a date), so just wanted to avoid such a bad experience.”
Well if you have been a subscriber for awhile you know this did not go over well at all.
After several hours, I sent him this response.
” I’m sorry for the tardiness of my response but it needed some thought. I appreciate your honesty for two reasons. 1- I hate when people lie. I would rather know the truth then to find out later. 2- because you have allowed me the opportunity to realize how very little interest I have in meeting you.

To eliminate any potential female partners based on their weight is extremely narrow minded because I know a lot of us ( yes I said us, as I am overweight) who are smarter, funnier and more down to earth then a lot of slender woman who have been able to get away with just their good looks, their entire lives. I have not always been able to bat my eyelashes to get out of a situation or into one.

See, by your question alone, you have dismissed any promise of any date with me. I would never be comfortable with you, knowing you were repelled by the sight of me. So, you will never know how smart, extremely witty and fun I am. Due to your bigotry, you would never appreciate my hourglass figure or the fact that despite my weight I am extremely healthy and active, Because all you would see is fat?

But, again I’m happy for your candor and honesty. I admit that took some balls or you are just extremely stupid? But, another truth about me, is that I don’t go out with narrow minded bigots. So, regarding your first question, I think I’ll pass on that date.
LoLa”

I may have gone a little overboard with my response but I’m pretty disgusted by this guys view point. I am so glad I have a filtering process because i would probably have ended up wanting to have a friend call me with a fake emergency, so I could leave early, if we had gone out.

I wonder was this guy really honest or really stupid? Because it’s obvious to me he is narrow minded and since one of my favorite expressions is, “minds are like parachutes, they only work when they are open”, I’m thinking “please don’t ever email me again”.

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Good Deed In LoLa-land

Years ago in college I was good friends with this guy Tommy. Now Tommy was this really hippy, peace loving, long haired, Birkenstocks kind of guy. He was very peaceful and I swear to god rainbows would follow him. Tommy and I had a little crush going between us but both of us were in other relationships so we let it rest. But, because Tommy had a little crush on me he could never say “no”to me.
So, when I asked him one day, “Thomas can I wear your hat?”
The hat was this really cool old school grey wool snap cap that was lined with silk, and looked good worn backwards or frontwards.
“Yes you can wear my hat” he replied, ” but only you, and you have to give it back because it was my grandpas and it’s all I have left of him. ”

It became a regular thing for he and I. Tommy would come to school wearing the cap and I would in turn take it from him and wear it all day. Some how, some way. I ended up with the cap. We graduated and he moved away and I still had his grandpas cap.

For decades I have felt bad about having inadvertently stolen this man last remaining heirloom from his dead gramps!! I took care of it and loved it for 20 years. For 20 years my ex hubby and I took turns wearing it. It kept my hair dry on many a rainy days. It was also perfect for those bad hair days. But, I never felt right having it.

One day Tommy and I discovered each other on Facebook. He’s married now with a wife and New baby and lives about 6 hours away from me. It was his birthday last week, so I cleaned up his hat and mailed it back to him. I let him know in a note how bad I felt for having ended up with it and how loved it was.

He emailed me yesterday and thanked me for his hat. He said, he couldn’t stop smiling. He was so shocked I still had it after all these years and how wonderful it was to have it back again.

I love making people happy because damn. it just makes me feel happy and then everyone is happy!

It was a good day in LoLa-Land

Why Sing Alone?

Tonight I did something I haven’t done in over 20 years. Today I sang in a chorus and poorly I might add. The group has been singing together for years and are only four weeks away from a show. They are all pretty well versed in their sound and their music… I was so lost.

Never before have I been involved with such a large chorus of just woman. The chorus I belonged to in college was both men and woman and we were about the same size in members. The college choral group has always been the best group I’ve ever been in. (Of course it’s easy to sound amazing when you have opera singers in your choir with you.)
When listening to this chorus I missed the depth that the men’s base tone can being to the harmony of a song.

They also do choreography and props. I’ve never danced while I sang for a audience. It was, “always wear the same clothes and stand still. Pay attention to the director and don’t pass out of heat exhaustion, from being under those hot lights”. It looks fun, but at the same time, feels so cheesy to me; but who am I to judge.

At several times during the night I had 80 woman singing directly to me. Performing their soon to be ready show that they so urgently were selling tickets to. Normally I think people would be uncomfortable in this situation, having 80 sets of eyes staring directly at you while they sang their hearts out, it’s a lot to take in. But, I just smiled and kept my eyes moving, wandering from face to face.

I was handed a book of their songs and told to get on the risers and sing about an hour into the practice. I had already sang for a placement woman who deemed me a baritone, which I think is first alto, when you have a male/ female group. Can I tell you how bad I was? It was not pretty. I have lost significant hearing in my right ear and I’ve always learned my parts by sound. I was all over the map tonight and I was trying so hard not to effect the other singers.

It took me back though, it was 3rd grade suddenly. I remember being 8 years old and taking the long walk to the music teachers office. So scared she was going to make me do something painful, like sing in front of her! I took a huge breath when I walked inside and was horrified to see a bunch of kids I knew all lined up to try out. I was mortified as I watched each kid sing twinkle twinkle little star. When it was my turn I was petrified and I sang it so softly she had to lean in towards me just to hear me. That feeling of “oh my god get me the fuck out of here” was just way to familiar tonight. But, familiar in a good way. I forgot how much I love to sing. But, damn I love to sing even more when I really, really know my stuff.

Now all I have to do is try out. I have to sing “oh Danny Boy”. OY!

Just another day in LoLa-Land

Another Free Association

Ok if you didn’t see the first one. This is a 2 min free association. I write whatever comes to my mind not paying attention to what I’m saying. I start writing what ever comes to mind and stop in exactly two minutes.

Ready Go …

This is a new day for you.
This is a new life.
Plan what you want but don’t be held down by those plans.
Don’t let them stop you from what your true hearts dream is and do that instead.
Go with your instinct and go with your heart. You will find the peace and happiness you so desire when you start to pursue those dreams.

Life is what you make of it and you can make the most of it when you follow your inner voice.
Don’t live in fear of what could be or what might happen, JUST DO IT!!

Walk on the edge of life if that what you want. Take a…

Stop. Times up.

Ben Harper

Recently went and saw Ben Harper play at a near by venue. When I was married my ex and I listened to Ben’s music quite often on the weekends during chore day. His music is so poetic and so telling. His message is clear with each song. He preaches against racism and inequality. Like Bob Marley and John Lennon he speaks of change and loving each other.
I received his concert tickets as a birthday gift from the parental units and I was excited to go but had no one to go with me. I finally Asked and old friend if he’d like to go and he said yes. This man has been my friend since college and has always told me like it is. We have never been romantic in any way and I always have a blast when I’m with him. We are very similar in that we both love crowds and are always up to try something new.
While at the concert, unbeknownst to us, my old friends wallet fell out of his pocket. He had no clue it was missing until he arrived home. He texted me on his way back to the venue the next day to let me know of his pursuit and what was going on.
I felt so Bad for him. It can be so bad to lose your wallet, your identity can be stolen, your credit cards can be maxed out and your cash stolen (and he had a lot on him). But, for the last 10 years or so when I have left my garage door open, left my purse somewhere or left my iPod hanging out of my car door, no one has stolen from me. All of my possessions have either been right where I left them or someone has called me to return them. It was my hope for him that he would find the same good fortune, especially considering where we were. We were listening to a man leave his heart on the stage begging us to be good people. Hopefully the spirit passed beyond just me, because I know I felt it.
I told my friend, ” to many people in this area believe in karma! I would have turned it in or contacted you to return it. I wish you good karma”. About 20 minutes later he texted me back,
“Got it!!! There is good karma!”
I asked, “was your money there too?”
“EVERYTHING!!” He replied.
“I love this town.” I answered
I’m not sure if Ben had anything to do with my fellow neighbors honesty or if it’s just the wonderful place I live. I don’t know maybe most places are like this and we are just all so Conditioned by the horrors we see in the press, we assume the worst in everyone? Maybe it was Mr. Harper and his truth telling lyrics and poetic stances that made this anonymous person do the right thing? All I know is I was happy that my friend who pitched in and took me to a concert and treated me to a birthday dinner, did not lose his wallet or have to deal with the consequences of that.

Another great day in LoLa- Land

Woman’s Temple

I Went to woman’s temple tonight. It was primarily a place for a few woman to gather in a place of love in sisterhood and come from a place of the heart. We did lots of breathing, touching and deep talking and I feel so inspired by it. I feel like going out dancing or playing with someone’s hair.
We really didn’t talk much. But when we did speak our words had purpose and truth behind them and we tried to speak from out hearts. The only thing I really said to anyone was what I wanted. Then we had to describe what we saw in the other woman that were there.
I was a bit awestruck by what the woman said they saw in me. They said they saw a sensual, sexy, powerful, caring, woman who eluded sunshine and brought people together. They said I was the glue.
I was shocked! My ex called me his sunshine all the time. My family has always told me I’m beautiful no matter what size. But, hearing people who love you compliment you like that is very different from having strangers say it. You pretty much don’t believe your loved ones, at least I never do. I always feel like “they have to say this because their family”. But, these woman had nothing to gain from lying to me or saying something that wasn’t real for them.
I was awe struck by the other woman’s wants because to me, being on the outside, they seem to elude all of the traits and abilities they so desired and wanted. We all had many wants but we all shared the same desire for intimacy, in what ever form that came to us.
The truth of the matter is I know I will never be able to see and fully appreciate an intimate relationship, until I learn to appreciate the intimacy of being by myself. Until I enjoy the peacefulness of being alone and acknowledge that all I really need is within me not outside me, I will never be truly open to experiencing life honestly with someone else.

The Clicking of the Clock

Sitting in the hospital room
Bright lights and beeping sounds elude me
But the clicking of that damn clock remind me how long he’s been asleep.
With each second that passes his chances of waking minimize.
I want to stop that damn clock.

The Clock at the finish line keeps rounding up to the next minute
As I’m counting the seconds when I don’t have to push anymore. I will soon be able to stop and breath. It reminds me with each second that passes the progressing clock changes my time.
With each click of the second hand, my success rate lessens, as my run takes longer.

I clock in each day at work
Clocking in and out for lunch
Just working my time until I can clock out for the day. Watching as those long minutes click slowly away.

Deadlines at work have me watching the clock. Reminding me that the project must be done in 5 hours, 30minutes and 10 seconds, 9 seconds, 8, 7, 6… The pressure builds as each seconds pass and I wish it to stop.

The daylight clock warns me of the passing hours. As the sun rises telling me it’s time to rise with it. The hours pass and the suns setting reminds me it is now time for bed, even when I’m not tired. But, if I don’t sleep now I will have less time to sleep.

The Train schedule is based on the schedule. The train depot clock keeps everything running right on time. Wether I am there or not, it will not matter because the train will leave when that clicking clock tells it to.

My Cell phone clock chirps at me all the time reminding me of my future appointments. Notifying me that I have 15 minutes to get where ever I need to be. Ruling my days activities.

The scoreboard clock tells us how much longer the game will last. Counting down the impending deadline that sounds the end if the game. The clicking of that second hand warning the players they only have so long to make that final amazing play.

The Clock of time spreads over my face like a road map. Aging me with wrinkles and sun spots as the hours turn to days and days into weeks. As my body starts to ache just from waking up, I realize my time is dwindling.

The clicking clock rules my world and keeps me spinning with it. With each passing second I am forced to live within it’s demands. The time line of life that runs off that changing clock.
That damn clicking of the clock determines my life’s next move.

Don’t Let The Fear Stop You

What an amazing weekend I have had. (And can I tell you how happy I am it’s only Sunday morning and I have all day to recuperate from it). I have gone to two different parties this weekend at two different places I have never been, filled with people I have never met, with only the friends I came with for a comfort zone.

I have met and made friends with so many people I can’t even come close to remembering all of their names. Let’s see if I can take a shot at it quickly, “Lisa, Tim, Pauly, Josh, Patty, Jessie, Ken, Mike, Art, 2 Kelly’s, 2 Joes, Lauren, Trevor, Levi, Erica, Elizabeth, John and I’m finishing with Bob”, because even though there was about 6 more I can’t remember their names.

When I left work Friday my co worker asked me if I was nervous about my impending night. ” no why would I be nervous?” I asked.
She replied “I could never just go to a party in a strange town with a bunch of strangers. I would be scared to death and not talk to anyone!”

Of course, I know that fear, she’s talking about. Once you get away from trying new things and you just go home every night to be with your man or your family, the idea of going clubbing or out to some random social event where you are not in your comfort zone is very scary.

I said, “ah honey I used to be you. In my house with my hubby every night getting fat watching NCIS and eating Ben and Jerry’s by the pint. But, if you go out with a big group it makes it far easier to feel comfortable because you have so many people you know to talk to; you can actually go all evening without talking to someone new”.

She replied, “I couldn’t do it even then. I would just hold myself up in some corner, while waiting and wishing for it to be over.”

All I could think, was how sad that image was. I’m so thankful I broke through my fear all those years ago. I have had so very many wonderful experiences with my friends and have made so very many new friends just getting out there. Nothing makes me feel more alive then meeting new people. I feel their energy and it revitalizes me ( extrovert to the core here).

This weekend brought me to two totally new environments that I plan to visit again, because I felt so at home in them. It also brought me music, amazing musicians that played for us for free. I listened to a 50’s hop band, a country singer, old rock group and a amazing soloist. I feel blessed to have been able to hear their delightful melodies for free. As I am well aware of how much nicer the parties were, just having the sounds they were making wafting through the crowd.

I’m feeling very thankful today. I’m feeling very blessed to have had the invitations given to me to be apart of so much fun and entertainment. I feel fuller now from having spent time with so many wonderful people and getting to feel so many new energies. I don’t ever want to stay scared in my house again. I don’t want to ever be that girl that to afraid to try new things. I am thankful I dragged two of my girlfriends out with me to last night festivities and that on more than one occasion they both turned to me and thanked me for dragging them along because they had the “best night ever!!” (Their words) I felt like a proud mama and I was so much happier with my evening, just seeing them so happy.

Here’s to just going for it! Here’s to yet another exciting weekend in LoLa-Land.

It Is A New Day

It’s the start of something new
A fresh day with no mistakes
It’s time to change the things I do
I’m gonna give it whatever it takes

Like a New Years resolution
I’m stepping up to some change
It’s the natural evolution
A new way of being will be arraigned

I’m going to spread my wings and fly again
But this time I’m flying alone
No longer going to be waiting for something to begin
I’m going to start this adventure on my own

The strength can be found inside of me
The power I need to forage on
I will glide in the weathers natural wind speed
Until all my energy is gone

I will soar to the highest tips of all the tallest peaks
I will brake and dive toward the beautiful valleys
I will see only that which true visionaries seek
No longer be stuck by the fears that bind me

It’s a new day today one untouched by all
A promise I intend to keep for myself
I will straddle my fears again when they come to call
I will love my life for me and no one else

It’s a rebirth of sorts if you will
It’s a hunger growing with in me
I’m not scared of what’s unclear
Because soon I know I’ll see

It’s a new day for me and for anyone else who dares
The eclipse that has been forming around my soul
Will be ripped away by my journey through the air
This is my new mantra, this is my new goal

It is a new day

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan