The Curse Lives On

I have a curse on me and I don’t know who gave it to me or why. But, it has been observed, by me, since I was in college that all of my ex boyfriends seemed to have similar fates shortly after we broke up. My ex boyfriends would always turn in one of two directions. They would either 1, get married shortly after we dated, Or they would 2, come out of the closet. Laugh if you want, go ahead, but it is so true!

My 7th grade boyfriend, “came out” in college. My junior high boyfriend married the next chick because he knocked her up. My high school boyfriend married the woman he met after we broke up. (They got engaged 6 months after he and I broke off our three year relationship.) My college sweetheart is gay. Then I got married, and all my gays told me my husband was gay. But, 20 years later and the man has proven to be straight.

I wondered when I was married, “if we break up will he marry right away for decide he is gay?” And yet he some how seems unscathed by my curse. Though I think he would have married his first two girlfriends he has had since the divorce, if
he could have. Some how, the man Still remains single and straight.

I am happy to report that this curse of mine is still true! I have been in three long term relationships since my divorce, The Drunk, Big Red and Management. Right now I can honestly say, 1 is gay and 2 are married. I say happy to report, because I’m glad that my ex’s seem to easily find love. I’m also happy they eventually come out of the closet and are true to themselves. I want them to be happy, even when I think their disgusting assholes. Just because the idea of seeing one or two of them makes me sick, doesn’t mean I don’t want the best for them. Is that weird? Do you understand?

I wonder why this is though, am I truly cursed? Or is it me? If it is me that makes these two outcomes happen, then what is it I’m doing and is it a good thing? I know I’m honest to fault sometimes, would that matter at all? Apart from me screaming at one of them, ” your gay!!! Just admit it!” I’m moody, I know that. I wonder if they find sweet, docile woman that love to cook, and think, ” oh thank god!!! Merry me! Merry me please!” Because they are so different from me.
I don’t know the answer. But, I’m thinking to break this curse I need to date only already married or gay men and see what happens? When we break up would they suddenly become divorced and straight? Or what if I dated a lesbian? Would she suddenly decide she wants a man?

Just another cursed day in LoLa~Land.

2014 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 8,500 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 3 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Lingerie

I think you liked your Christmas present
I wrapped it up special just for you.
It took awhile to find what you think pleasant
So I could act like it was easy to do

It took going to three stores at Christmas time
Rubbing elbows with strangers galore
It took me hours to get just the right find
Shopping in those crowds is something I abhor

Lavender is not easy to find in the winter
You couldn’t ask for something black?
When I was done my foot had a splinter
And I had a painful ache in my back

Your eyes said it all when I walked in the door
They scoured my body from head to toe
Making your growling sound, asking for more
I did a spin so you could get a good show

Your hands had to feel me instantly
As you delighted in my every angle
“Did you get this just for me baby?”
“You look like a beautiful Christmas Angel?”

There was just enough cotton and lace
All designed to entice your need to explore
Knowing the set would make your heart race
Your reaction was just what I was hoping for

I stood exposed wearing your favorite color
I was extremely happy you seemed pleased
I wanted to do something special for my lover
What’s wrong with a little holiday tease?

Green with Gimmies

On this very merry Christmas I find myself faced with the “Gimmies”. I have a number of girlfriends who are all in different stages of being in relationships, and they are all being spoiled by their men. One of my girlfriends has been married for 15 years, one is a newlywed, one is engaged and one has been dating a man for just over a month. And every single one of them either got diamonds, coach purses, Louboutin’s or all of the before mentioned for Christmas.

I have been green with the Gimmies, I have been so jealous. I would love to be spoiled for a change. Just once I would love to date a man who had more money than me and is maybe even romantic. I have always been with men who have either little, to no money, or they have a hard time making “ends meat”. I usually hear something like, ” I don’t have a lot of money babe, so is it ok if we don’t exchange gifts this year” ? Or, “I couldn’t afford much so here is some slippers.” My girl friends have been given cars and all expenses paid vacations. One of my friends this Christmas alone, got a pair of 1 carrot diamond earrings and a ring ( not a wedding ring). I’ve only ever been given extraordinary trips from my gays; Which is wonderful but there is never any romantic nights. I had a man actually not even give me a gift for my birthday because when he asked me what I wanted I said ” you don’t have to get me anything.” I never thought he would believe me.

Just once I would like to date a man who has more money than me. It would be so nice to not have to worry about a dinner making it so he can’t afford his rent. It would be amazing to have someone buy several things for me instead of just one. But even nicer, would be if they were really expensive name brand things. I don’t have even own one Coach purse, compared to my friends and their multiple color options of coach bags.

This is not like me. I don’t really need or want expensive items. But, for some reason this year has been really difficult, maybe it’s because I’m single. Maybe it’s because one of my single ladies Isn’t single suddenly, and being pampered like crazy. She’s like ” cinder- fuckin-rella”, because of how amazing her new boyfriend is. I wondered if these perfect men really existed until she met him, And I’m so happy for her. She deserves love and affection. She deserves some spoiling. But, I guess deep down I feel like I deserve some too. Just once I would like to know what it feels like not to worry about my boyfriends finances along with my own. Just once I would like to be Cinderella.

Merry Materialistic Christmas. 😉

Did you Fuck Him?

I recently went out with a bunch of my 40 something year old friends. Three of us were single one has been happily married for 20 years. I told the ladies about another crazy “online dating” date I had recently. I told them about his extremely bad breath and complete rudeness towards the staff and other patrons at the restaurant where we were, and how I couldn’t wait to get away from him.

When I finished recanting my story one of my friends turned to me and said, “did you fuck him?”
“What?!” I asked her shocked.
“Did you fuck him?” She asked again matter of factly.
“Um did you hear what I said? The guy was a total dick! I couldn’t wait to leave! Why would you ask me that?” I asked her almost irritated.

Then another friend piped in, “LoLa don’t you fuck them still?” She asked me.

At this point I was offended, as I’m wondering to myself. “Do they think I’m a slut”?

“Of course I didn’t fuck him! Why would you think I’d do that?” I asked obviously irritated now.

Both my single friends seemed amused and giggled. Both of them have been single a lot longer than me. The married girl looked as confused as me. One of the single ladies states, ” I always fuck the ones I don’t like” she said.
As my other single friend stood next to her, nodding her head up and down.

“Why! Why the hell would you sleep with someone you don’t like?” I asked shocked but relieved I wasn’t viewed as a slut.

“Why not!” She responded. (As my other still friend stood there shaking her head In a agreement), “I mean, who cares? You will probably never see them again and you may have some fun, right?!”

“Yep!” The other single lady agrees.

I stood there with an open mouth and a shocked expression, finally I asked the other obvious question “what do you do when you do like them?”

The single lady who asked me in the first place says quickly, “oh well those you don’t fuck. Those are the ones you just kiss and flirt with. That way they ask you out again.”

Again, the other single stood next to her agreeing with everything she was hearing.
I was just shocked. All these years I’ve been doing it wrong. Or am I?

“LoLa, you don’t fuck them?” She asks me.

“NO!!” I almost screech, “Well first of all, I never have sex on the first date. That is a rule i have. And I have this rule because I don’t like to ‘fuck strangers’. If I like the guy enough to go out again, (which had only been once since going on this online dating website). Then it’s all up in the air after that and just depends on the situation. I made my wasbund wait 3 months.”
“LoLa you were like 16 when you met your ex that doesn’t count.” She replies

“I was 19, Thank you! And I know we are beyond that now, but still I wouldn’t want to sleep with someone I don’t like. I don’t understand that at all. If I don’t like someone then I by no means want them touching me, much less sharing bodily fluids with me! What the hell?” I looked at them with an expression of ‘what’s the deal?’ With my arms open as if to say, ‘somebody help me here’ and they both looked at me and shrugged.

Oh well, to each their own right? I couldn’t do it. I guess I don’t Fuck. I have sex or make love. I’ve always been the relationship girl, so; the idea of having intercourse with a man I don’t like sounds like torture to me. Especially if you follow the belief that you will forever be connected, in a spiritual way to anyone who enters your vagina. It’s an interesting philosophy, I am not sure where I stand on it. But, it should at least give you
‘food for thought’ right?

( oh and all I gotta say again is, WEAR CONDOMS!)

Just another sexual discussion in LoLa-Land

I’m Ready For 2014 To Be Over

Looking back through my year and taking stock of everything that’s happened to me, I realize now that 2014 has literally been one of the hardest years of my life. This year has been up there with that you’re my sister died, and the year I got divorced, as far as the level of pain I had to endure. I started the year in a job that I loved very much, but had some really bad things going on that made it miserable to be at. I was with a man who was completely and utterly in love with who I thought I would be spending rest my life with. And my family was healthy or so I thought.

Throughout this year I’ve got a new job which has had its own bumps and bruises along the way. My boyfriend is now my ex-boyfriend and the pain of not having him in my life anymore has been extraordinary. My family has seen some of the most amazing painful moments and some of them I’m not sure we will ever be able to get over. Less important Yet still very sad for me, is, i was invited on a trip of a lifetime “a bucket list item”, that I wasn’t able to go on because, of our family crisis and the new job. And knowing that I had to give that up bums me out unimaginably so.

I feel like I’ve aged more this year than I ever have before. I feel like I have more gray hairs, more lines on my face and bigger bags under my eyes. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get rid of any of them. I can’t tell you how much I look forward to 2015. I’ve got to hope that it can only get better then this year, right? In 2015 I’m praying for happiness, lots and lots of happiness and health for me and my loved ones. It would be great if I could also meet a soul mate and make enough money to not worry about money.

An opportunity for another “bucket list” trip would be amazing as well. Wish me luck.

The Waiting Game

Recently I discovered a lump in my vagina, that scared the shit out of me. I have extremely sensitive skin and I get bizarre rashes, boils and ingrown hairs, like crazy because of it. I am not able to use most lotions, body washes, bubble baths, soaps or even laundry detergents, unless they are all natural or scent free and hypoallergenic. Because of these skin issues, I don’t usually panic over random bumps, but two factors caused me to worry.
One the lump was in my vagina and hurting me. Normal skin irritations don’t bug me that much. Two a fairly recent ex lover told me he now has a horrible case of genital herpes. He knew who gave it to him, but didn’t know when (great right? Not!)

I was at the doctors office almost immediately. The doctor had her concerns about what she saw, to the extent that she did a biopsy. There’s nothing great about the feeling of having a piece of your vagina sliced off. I was looking for something to grip on the exam room wall, as she was slicing into me, but all I could find was the blood pressure wrap. And I didn’t want to grab that because with the pain she was causing me I was likely to wrap it around her neck. I told her that since she had her concerns and I had my worries, that she should just do a full PAP and blood panel. “We might as well test me for everything” I said.

When leaving the hospital three hours later after seeing the doctor, getting a blood draw, getting a prescription and meeting with oncology. My vagina hurt as I walked to my car and I was faced with the fact, that in less than four days I would know if I had herpes, HIV, HPV, syphilis, gonorrhea or cancer; I was kind of a mess.

It’s been a draining couple of days! I haven’t been sleeping good at all. I haven’t been able to have any sex and I have been stuck in a place of constant panic. I was not worried when my ex lover told me he had herpes because I always made him use condoms, but hearing the Dr say it could be herpes, I was actually pissed! I hate condoms, They suck! They can totally kill the mood. I am very protective of myself because I have lost a loved one to STD side effects, but to get a disease after being so diligent, made me feel like asking for a refund. I wanted to yell, “ok Karma, I want a Do-over on all the times I used condoms. I want to replay all those sexual experiences without the annoying rubber!” And at the same time I was scared to death I had some sort of cancer eating away at my vagina and what would that be like to cure?

Today my tests came in (early) and I am completely disease free, I have no cancer and all of my platelets are in the mid range of normal, right where they should be. I am by all accounts a physically healthy ( I say physically and not mentally because the jury is still out on that one) 41 year old woman. I can feel the tightness in my chest disappearing and I am so incredibly grateful that I’m healthy. I take back all the negative things I said about condoms and I will continue to protect myself because I am now proof that they work in protecting you.

As for the lump, since the doctor loped it off, it has been gone. (LoL). I’m healing nicely and will probably be back to normal In a day or two. Crises averted and lesson learned, wear condoms people, they really do work!

Get Going Now

Did you just say this conversation is over?
But you forgot to ask me how I felt
I will tell you how I feel right now dear lover
Your not the only one who can snap the belt

I don’t like the way you decide if and when we talk
I don’t like to feel as though my needs aren’t as important as yours
I don’t like how you are always ahead of me when we walk
Or that you don’t bother to open any of my doors

Don’t ask me to make you food anymore
It’s not something I ever want to do
I’ve told you countless times before
I have no interest in serving you

Stop over analyzing my schedule, it’s not yours to keep
My calendar shouldn’t have to incorporate your feelings
It’s none of your concern when I eat or when I sleep
All of your constant worrying has got me
reeling

You stress out over pretty much everything
There’s no way for you to ever adapt
You won’t even go to hear a band sing
Plans must wait until your done with your nap

You have never given me a compliment
I’m not entirely sure your even attracted to me
Sometimes you treat me like I’m incompetent
Or I’m blind and somehow I need you to see

I have been just fine for over 40 years
I have made quite the life for myself
Let me make myself perfectly clear
I think it’s time to move on to someone else

Get Going Now

Dialogue Between Lovers

He said, “I am Encapsulated by your ass”
I replied, “I know”
He sighed, ” I just want to get a big grasp”
“And never let it go”

“What kind of tantric spell do you have me under, LoLa” he asked
I replied, “I don’t know what you mean”?
Pulling me to him, I felt like I’d never escape his grasp
He held me so tight I nearly burst at the seems

“I think your in some kind of heat”, I say
“My body can’t be all that you desire”
“Baby you are all I can think about during the day”
He smiles, “your what fuels my fire!”

“You are killing me with your sexy talk” I comment
“I’m not sure what to think about it all”
“Honey I’m here forever not just this moment”
He sighs “I’m in this for the long hall”

“It’s not just your looks that get me spinning”
He says, “I love your crazy personality too”
“I want to know all of you, what your thinking
What you like to eat, what you like to do”

“I can’t wait to get to know you better” he confessed
“I’m hoping you feel the same for me?”
All I could think is, ” I must be blessed!”
“I can’t remember a time I’ve been this happy”

The Plan

I was talking to the wasbund the other day and he was really upset. You see he just recently was dumped like a hot potatoe by his girlfriend of six months. She literally left him for another man. My poor wasbund has been sad and depressed for weeks, but on this day he seemed particularly upset.

“What’s up babe?” I asked him sensing his melancholy seemed worse.

“She’s bringing him to the Christmas party!” He replies dryly.

“WHAT!!” I screech.

Now I need to fill you all in on the backstory here, they work together. He works for a company full time and she is a contractor who comes in maybe once a month. So they are both invited to the company Christmas party. This company has really amazing Christmas parties. (I know this, because I went to two of them when he was still my husband.)

“It’s only been like two weeks and you will be there! What is she thinking?” I continue to rant. “That is so messed up, and so very thoughtless!”

“I’m not going ” he replies sadly

“WHAT!” I scream into the phone again. “This is YOUR company Christmas party! You put up with that places bullshit for more than 40 hours a week. She should either not come, or at the very LEAST, not bring her new man to rub in your face.!”

“Exactly, which is why I’m not going. I can’t be around that. I can’t see her with another man LoLa!” He says irritated.

” Fuck that!!” I replied, ” your going to go and your gonna have your own hot date!! I’m going to get you a date! If I can’t find you a hot girl to flirt with you as your date, I will rent you one!”

He started laughing

“I don’t know why your laughing. I am serious as a fucking Heart attack. That is some messed up shit! You won’t be missing your party and we’re going to make sure she feels bad for leaving you!”

“Whatever LoLa” and he chuckled me away

The next day I contacted a friend who is beautiful and single. She is this petite sexy blonde, who weighs maybe 80lbs, and the men all love her and want to put her in their pocket. I told her about my wasbund, and the BS that his ex was pulling, and without any hesitation she said, “what time and where?”

I’m going over to her house before their date to help her pick out something sexy but classy to wear. This pho-date may not relieve any of my wasbund pain; But, It will certainly allow him to have a fun night. My friend is already planning the moves she will place on him and he is fully aware it is all for show. I’m not into tricking people or being a liar, because I believe in Karma, but sometimes you have to “use fire to fight fire”.

This is me standing up for my loved ones.

Previous Older Entries

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan