The Waiting Game

Recently I discovered a lump in my vagina, that scared the shit out of me. I have extremely sensitive skin and I get bizarre rashes, boils and ingrown hairs, like crazy because of it. I am not able to use most lotions, body washes, bubble baths, soaps or even laundry detergents, unless they are all natural or scent free and hypoallergenic. Because of these skin issues, I don’t usually panic over random bumps, but two factors caused me to worry.
One the lump was in my vagina and hurting me. Normal skin irritations don’t bug me that much. Two a fairly recent ex lover told me he now has a horrible case of genital herpes. He knew who gave it to him, but didn’t know when (great right? Not!)

I was at the doctors office almost immediately. The doctor had her concerns about what she saw, to the extent that she did a biopsy. There’s nothing great about the feeling of having a piece of your vagina sliced off. I was looking for something to grip on the exam room wall, as she was slicing into me, but all I could find was the blood pressure wrap. And I didn’t want to grab that because with the pain she was causing me I was likely to wrap it around her neck. I told her that since she had her concerns and I had my worries, that she should just do a full PAP and blood panel. “We might as well test me for everything” I said.

When leaving the hospital three hours later after seeing the doctor, getting a blood draw, getting a prescription and meeting with oncology. My vagina hurt as I walked to my car and I was faced with the fact, that in less than four days I would know if I had herpes, HIV, HPV, syphilis, gonorrhea or cancer; I was kind of a mess.

It’s been a draining couple of days! I haven’t been sleeping good at all. I haven’t been able to have any sex and I have been stuck in a place of constant panic. I was not worried when my ex lover told me he had herpes because I always made him use condoms, but hearing the Dr say it could be herpes, I was actually pissed! I hate condoms, They suck! They can totally kill the mood. I am very protective of myself because I have lost a loved one to STD side effects, but to get a disease after being so diligent, made me feel like asking for a refund. I wanted to yell, “ok Karma, I want a Do-over on all the times I used condoms. I want to replay all those sexual experiences without the annoying rubber!” And at the same time I was scared to death I had some sort of cancer eating away at my vagina and what would that be like to cure?

Today my tests came in (early) and I am completely disease free, I have no cancer and all of my platelets are in the mid range of normal, right where they should be. I am by all accounts a physically healthy ( I say physically and not mentally because the jury is still out on that one) 41 year old woman. I can feel the tightness in my chest disappearing and I am so incredibly grateful that I’m healthy. I take back all the negative things I said about condoms and I will continue to protect myself because I am now proof that they work in protecting you.

As for the lump, since the doctor loped it off, it has been gone. (LoL). I’m healing nicely and will probably be back to normal In a day or two. Crises averted and lesson learned, wear condoms people, they really do work!

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Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan