New Years Resolution Accomplished

31 days ago I set myself on a truly psychotic mission. After blogging for over four years I have never been able to post every single day of a month. So, instead of promising to lose weight or read more as my New Years resolution, this year I opted to try And blog every single day for a month.

Today is the last day of that month. And this is obviously the last post (unless of course I keep writing). What really struck me about my determination, is I could have picked a shorter month like February but instead I picked one of the longer months. I would also think it would make more sense to pick a month like April, when I am no where near having to do all of the end of the year bookkeeping and tax reporting, that’s necessary in my line of work. You would think I wouldn’t put the extra pressure on myself during my busy season; But I did.

I know I wanted to get it Over with. I don’t like “things” looming over me. I also wanted to keep trying until I did it, even if it took all year. So, I was giving myself 12 months to get it done. Some of the days it felt a bit like a task and it hovered above me, In my little floating thought bubble. The quote in the bubble said, ” don’t forget to take time to write something semi-interesting or witty, in your blog, oh, and before midnight!” When I felt stress around blogging I wouldn’t write. I would walk away because that was never what I want blogging to be about. And also because it won’t flow easily from me, if I’m not in the right mood. Trying to write posts kept me up past 11:30 on a few occasions. Some days I could have wrote three posts. I guess, you could say I’m surprised I was able to follow through with my goal . I am proud of myself for doing what I said I wanted to do, accomplishing it early and under severe work deadlines just makes it even better.

Here’s to you all finding yours.

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Morning Radio

I was on the morning radio show the other day. The two DJs that have a morning talk show were posing a question they needed people to call in to respond. The question was “do you like morning sex or not”? The female DJ loves morning sex but she’s a morning person. The mail DJ said he has a hard time getting up for morning sex (no pun intended), but he is not a morning person.

I had to call in because I feel very strongly on this. Here is what the radio listeners heard,

“Good morning what’s your name and did you want to weigh in on the sex versus no sex in the morning question”?

“Hi I’m LoLa and yes I’m all in, I love morning sex, in fact I have a name for it I call it breafast. Breafast, is breakfast without the K”.

(The DJ’s are cracking up)

He asks me, “so do you get breafast regularly”?

(I chuckle) “well unfortunately I’m single right now. so, I haven’t had breafast in quite some time. But I’m definitely a morning person just like your co-host there. I get up most mornings really early to work out, so getting up to have breafast is no big deal at all and it starts my day off just right”!

The female DJ “I was single for three years sweetheart, I remember what that feels like”.

He interrupts her, “so you must be buying AA’s like crazy right now hu”?

(The female Dj is cracking up)

I quickly respond, “I shop at Costco regularly”!

Laughing he says, “can you carry all that to the car?”

We are all cracking up. Then the female DJ interjects, “she’s probably asking for some cute guy to help her ‘yes young stud you can help me out to my car’ and then they don’t see him again at Costco”.

(At this point we are all laughing really hard)

So I quickly respond, “yeah I’m looking at getting stock with Duracell”.

Both DJ’s start dying laughing

“Well thanks for calling in LoLa. We hope you get some breafast this week”! He says. (My time is up)

“Thanks you guys, you too. Remember, Breafast is the most important meal of the day!”

(Their both cracking up again).

“Bye”! And with that I hang up.

(I would love to be a radio host! I think I missed my calling.)

The Generational Theory

I’ve noticed something through my years, a phenomenon if you will. I have a few theory’s about it but, I could be way off, either way, I thought I’d share.

My mother is very serious. She is a serious, no nonsense kind of woman. She is very smart, driven and she doesn’t take stupid behavior well. She is not a silly person or carefree. She is fun, I’m not saying she’s not fun to be around, she is. But, she holds a certain serious decorum about herself, a standard which is high. She keeps a lot of things close to her chest and doesn’t share a lot of personal things with people.

Whereas my sister and I are both very crazy and carefree. We are very whimsical, almost to a fault, sometimes. We by no means have the level of seriousness that she has for herself. We are also both, far more free and open about EVERYTHING we are thinking and feeling, almost to a fault. We are constantly putting are feet in our mouths and apologizing for what we said. We love walking on the edge of life. We live within the box of normal by bouncing off the sides. Whereas, our mom stays dead center of normal.

Well now my sister is herself a mother of a daughter and I see the difference in my niece then her. My niece is very much like our mother. She is a pretty serious kid and tends to be embarrassed by my sister frequently. She thinks my sister is a great mom but, she does not always lead by the best example. My niece is very, very private. My niece tends to look at at my sister shocked a lot and sometimes I think my niece is more parental than my sister is, or I would be.

I think this is due to one of two things. One theory, is that deep down we all desperately do not want to be end up like our parent. We all just want to be unique, be our own people. So, we go out of our way to become everything our parents are not. Or there is my second theory, and that is, maybe we fill in where are parents fall short and there for, those characters we feel our parents are lacking become some of our main personality traits. Ex- if a parent is not a joker the kid will become the court jester. Either theory, would cause a person to be the opposite of their parent. As usual I think it’s different for everyone.

I don’t know,you decide or maybe even pose an entire different theory.

LoLa

Gate Keeper Meet The Grim Reaper

I live in a very close proximity to a shopping center, unfortunately. My condominium complex has been fighting with the grocery store complex about their really late night deliveries. There are to be no semi-truck deliveries from 10pm to 7am, there’s even a sign! But, they never lock the gate that is meant to keep trucks from loading and unloading in the back. Often times we are woken in the middle of the night to the beep, beep, beeping of the trucks backing in.

Yesterday, the complex manager asked me if there was any way to get proof that they are not locking the gate. Apparently, the store managers told the police official in charge of our case that they always lock the gate. Which I found odd considering when I complained to the store manager, one night at 3am she said, “we can’t lock the gate because Other stores in this complex have late night deliveries”. So, I have been asked to see if the gates are locked after 10.

Last night I stayed dressed until 10:30 then armed with my cell phone, for videoing, I walked out of our gated complex and down the street to the stores. Of course, as I suspected, at 10:35 pm the gates were not closed. I took the Video showing as much, and then I proceeded to walk back home, thinking about my multiple pad locks at home and how I’ve always joked I was just going to lock the damn gate myself with my own lock.

I was about half way home when I heard the noise. It surprised me because apart from the stray car here and there, I thought I was alone. I saw him on the other side of the street walking the same direction as me and staring at me. He had the same pace as I did and remained just about a foot behind me, but on the other side of the road. He was a tall man with a baseball hat, jeans and coat on and that’s all I could make out in the darkness. I had my icky feeling I get when my spirit guides say I’m in danger. So, I quickened my speed and started walking in double time. I gave this speed about 20 feet and then looked back across the street to make sure, 1- he was still on his side and 2- he was now further behind me since I started to walk faster.

He was still across the street. And he was still watching me but he was also still almost beside me. He had obviously sped up his gate to and had not fallen behind like he should have. I think he knew I was aware of this fact because he started to walk even faster And got to the corner and hit the crosswalk button before I got near it, and now he was walking across to my side. I almost ran to my complex gate and I was shaking like crazy as I tried to get the damn key on the lock so
I could get in.

I wanted to look back to see where the man was but I also didn’t want to waste anytime with that. (That’s what they do in horror movies and they always get killed). Finally I got the key in, turned the knob and opened the gate. Once on the other side of the security gate I turned and shut the door tight behind me and saw the man almost running the remainder of the road to my side.

For one second I experienced a moment of relaxation and an almost winning feeling like, “in your face asshole! Come get me now! Haha I’m safe and you can’t get me”. But, then I noticed the damn gate that lets cars in was open! When I looked back at the man, I saw him looking back at me from also noticing the other gate was wide open and he quickened his step again.

I let go of the gate I was still holding onto as this entire process happened in about 40 seconds and I ran like the wind. I sprinted past five houses until I found my door and I luckily did not stumble with my key this time. I was able to unlock my door and get inside and lock it again before he got to me. I quickly turned my porch light off and waited by the window to see if he showed up. It was about 30 seconds later he quickly walked by my front room window, but he kept on walking.

I could be freaking out for no reason. This man may have lived in the complex with me and may have just forgotten his key. He may be the nicest man in the world and I just put myself through all this fear for no reason. But, that’s not what my gut was saying. My gut said, “RUN!!!!!!”, so I did! I don’t like how he matched my speed while I was walking or that he was watching me like I was his prey. My gut has kept me out of trouble several times in my life and I don’t really want to test it to see if it’s right. (Where’s sexy fireman when you need him?)

Just another mellow night in LoLa-Land

The Eclipse of The Sun

Sexy fireman came to see me today. If you happen to have read my earlier post you would have seen I was hungover from the previous nights events and he and I were going on a bike ride together. He showed up about 10:30 AM and left at 11:30 PM, and I was hung over and tell about 1 PM. We had a really great day. We went on a bike ride, had some lunch, looked at a gallery, then we rode back to my house and drove out to the coast where we had a romantic seaside dinner and then watch the sunset on the beach. it was extremely romantic, and I had a wonderful time.

At one point we were driving to the beach he motioned to something with his arm and I was struck by the sheer volume of his bicep. I said “you don’t even need to flex to make those impressive” and he laughed. “your arms are the same size as my thighs and there is no fat in there anywhere is there?” I asked.
He chuckles, “no, no fat”.
I laughed and thought about my ex boyfriend and how we would make fun of men Who would purposefully flex their biceps while pointing to things just to try and impress women.
Noticing I was off in thought sexy fireman said, “what are you thinking about”?
I told him about how my ex and I used to make fun of those kind of pompous men, who felt the need to show off what they did or didn’t have to woman, by pointing to something with their arms in a 90° angle, so that they could flex their biceps and look all impressive just pointing and how silly that is. Then I looked at his extremely large (no need to flex bicep clad arms ) and said, ” you just don’t even need to do that do you”?
He chuckled again, ” you mean like this”?
And as he says, “which way is the beach”? He did the point and flex movement. Suddenly, I couldn’t see his entire face or even his side of the car. The sun that had been blinding me as it shone through his driver side window, was suddenly completely eclipsed from his mammoth arms.
I became completely stupefied right then and there. I could not hear a word he was saying. I think I even forgot where I was and what my name was. Suddenly, The sun came back and I was brought back to reality. That’s when I realized that he was laughing, “did you hear me ” he asked?
” what”? I replied almost breathless.
He chucked some more, “was that what you’re talking about”? He asked.
I was confused, “what, what were we talking about”? I stuttered.
“The flexing of the arm while pointing, LoLa did that work for you? Is that what you’re talking about”? He asked looking at me confused, until he saw my dreamy look as I was still gazing at his Popeye arms and wondering how long I had to wait to feel them wrapped around me? Or if he could just throw me over his shoulder and carry me down to the beach?
“JB! ( this is his Nic name for me, it stands for juicy Butt. Lmao)” he seemed amused as he tried to bring me out of my pornographic trance, “JB, are you feeling ok?” He asked as he smirked, knowing full well what I was thinking about.
“Oh yes. Yes I am wonderful” I replied joyfully.

I really like the fact that we are both so extremely attracted to one another. It is a win win relationship.

The older I get

The older I get the less I like alcohol. It does not treat me nice the next day at all! I can’t sleep well if I’ve had too much to drink and then I wake up with an upset tummy and spend about 30 minutes in the bathroom. And then I drag my butt around the house all day wishing I felt better. And wondering if that one night of drunken debauchery was really worth losing the entire next day to pain? I don’t know how some people do it? I don’t know how alcoholics do it? How do they wake up every morning feeling like this and wanting another drink?

The sexy fire man is on his way over to go on a bike ride with me and I just want to lay my head on the nice cold tile next to my toilet. I’m going to try and act like I feel fine and pretend the throbbing I feel in my right frontal lobe is just my heart beat.

Wish me luck.

Some People You Just Can’t replace

I am lucky enough to have half a dozen friends I have known since junior high school. These six people mean the world to me. Through the years, some of them, have moved and some have stayed. Emily is in Virginia now, Johnny in New York, Karen is in Oregon. But, Kelley, Shawna and Crystal, still live near me. I love these people so much that all of them, but Emile, who couldn’t make the trip, were in my wedding.

Recently I came to the acceptance that Crystal is leaving. She and her mother are moving to Florida. FLORIDA!!! Why must she go so far away!!! It’s practically kiddy corner to NorCal. Only old people move to Florida! ( can you tell I’m having a problem with her leaving?)

Like the rest of the five ( except Johnny where his parents hated me for bringing down his geography grade in 7 th grade), Crystals family is an extension of my own. Her mom is my mom, her bratty little sister ( who is in her late 20’s and is still a brat) is like my bratty little sister. I have multiples sets of moms and dads. In fact if you were to look at my phone directory you would see about 10 moms and 10 dad numbers listed. So, it’s not just her that’s leaving me, it’s the entire family.

When my ex and I were separating, I didn’t want to sleep in our bed anymore ( or rather not in bed with my ex). Crystal and her mom put me up in their guest room. They gave me a key and told me to come and go whenever I needed to. They opened their home and their hearts to me and basically helped usher me through a very hard time in my life.

It was perfect they were the ones to take me in because for decades Crystals home has always been my refuge from the storm. It’s always been the place I go when I’m sad, or I don’t want to be alone. They don’t even have to be there for me to feel comfortable or hang out. I used to go over all the time, let myself in, jump on the computer and listen the sound of the waterfall trickling into Koi pond, in the backyard.

I’m devastated their leaving. It almost feels like my family is packing up our childhood home and leaving and I’m not invited. (This isn’t true they told me I could come; But, my life is pretty set here.) Where will I go when I just need a hug? What will I do when I can’t stand another moment alone? Who will I call when I’m in an emergency and need some help. Crystal has always been that person for me. Men have come and gone but she has always been there. And even though I know she will still be there and we will likely speak more than we do now. It’s more than that. The safety net of their presence will be gone. I won’t smell her and moms Marlboro’s, hear them yelling at the dogs to shut up, or laugh at their really bad tv shows.

I can already feel me missing them and their not even gone yet. Some people just can’t be replaced! They are irreplaceable, I love them they are my family.

My Date With The Big Bang Theory

last night I ended up on a date with a man who seemed like Sheldon, Leonard, Raj, and Howard from the Big Bang Theory, all wrapped into one interesting character. He dressed like Howard (but with less color), with his tight shirt tucked into his pants and had it buttoned all the way to the collar. He had some really dark braces on, that were obviously helping some really crooked and brown teeth, (ok I can get over braces but his teeth were brown!). He had a weird balding thing happening, with tuffs of white hair coming out from the top of his head. His nose was very large at the end and he had a lisp when he spoke. He was hunched over the entire time we talked, which made me think he was looking at my boobs, because he was only 5’9, it couldn’t be that he was too tall.

Like Leonard I could tell he was nervous because he was very fidgety with his coffee cup and he would give this little “huhu” chuckle/giggle after he would say something he thought was funny. But if I said something funny he would just give me a blank smile. (I think this is when he was thinking to himself, “ok try to impress her with your certificates or your community service.”).

Just like Sheldon from are beloved Big Bang Boys, this man had to tell me about EVERY single one of his certifications, awards, and abilities. He discussed his military background at length, because “he is trained for battle”! (I kept thinking, “ok Howard and of course your an astronaut!”). He told me all about his community service “calling” of being a paid math teacher for a charter school. (Sorry what? Just because you hated it does not make it community service. It may have been more like community service for the kids who had to put up with his ass). By the end of the night I knew he was a well trained and sought after choral singer. That he has many lessons and experiences regarding his catholic background and he so incredibly smart that there is not ONE SINGLE MATH PROBLEM THAT HE CAN NOT SOLVE!!! (I’m thinking, is this a fact? If so why are you not in the CIA or NASA like Howard?)

This guy reminded me of Raj when he started talking to me about the woman he is actually in love with and had been for decades but can’t have. “His kissing friend” he called her. (It’s great that I can get men to open up to me but do they really think i can’t feel how they care for someone else when they do?) I could feel his sadness and utter loneliness at this point. I could tell how desperately he wanted me to like him. Even though I was trying really hard to see past his looks I at least have to see a certain something in his eyes, and I couldn’t even see that.

I felt bad and very awkward when it was time to leave. I did not want that weird “can I kiss her” part that happens at the end of a date, but sure enough, it did. He grabbed me up for a hug and I did the one arm, with a pat, pat, on the back (which I swear we all learned on Seinfeld means, “just friends”). I then turned to leave and he grabbed my hand and pulled me back. When I turned to look at him, he had his face jetted out right in front of mine, with his eyes closed and his lips were pressed together in fishy Fashon. I dropped the quickest peck on his lips, dropped his hand and practically ran to the car.

I think this man now knows that I do books for several clients around town, I had a hard time with Math in college and that I used to sing for a choir as well. That is all he heard about me and that was not from him asking it was from me interjecting into his diatribe about himself. I told him before the date that I like chivalry in my men. But, when I got there 5 mins early he was already seated and drinking coffee. He did not rise to meet me, he did not come to the line and wait with me for the 10 mins it took, he did not pay, he did not offer to clean up the table he sat at where a mess resided on my side, and he did not rise when I came back to the table after I got my drink. The only thing he did that would be considered chivalry, was when he walked me to my car. But, I don’t think that counts because he just wanted a kiss. Nope, nope, nope.

Next!

Harassment

It’s time now.
It’s time you best be on your way
Go on some how
Our relationship came and went in a day

It was a quick friendship
It spun it’s course from beginning to end
Then sailed away on a ship
Before it was ever really able to begin

We fizzled so fast
I’ve had manicures last longer than us
Your now in the past
We ended so quick, I don’t get all the fuss.

Why are you here
Why do you keep knocking on my door
I thought I was clear
I don’t want you coming around anymore

What’s with the notes
What’s with your junior high drama
Is this some sort of hoax
I think Your still searching for your mama

Go on with your sad words
I don’t need the excessive bipolar text
You’re acting quite absurd
Don’t you think it’s time to give it a rest

I have had enough with it all
Why keep emailing, and calling on the phone
Harassment is what this is called
Get on, with your getting on, leave me alone.

So Much More Than Juicy

I was texting with the sexy fireman today, As he hung out in his firehouse 2+ hours away. He started our conversation with “how are you Ms Juicy ass”? Because he is very happy with my larger than normal backside. I had to laugh that he keeps calling me ” juicy ass” because I have never actually owned a pair of anything with the word JUICY on the butt.
I told the sexy fireman my joke about this. I said, “They don’t make the juicy pants in my size, because the fact that my ass is juicy is obvious, I don’t need to advertise.”
He said, LMAO

This got us started on this hysterical rant. I said, the butt to my pants should say, “I GOT THIS”
He replies, or “do I need to say it?”
I added, “IT JUST IS”
He laughed and said, “you already know!”
I was cracking up. I put, ” ___________ ”
“Enough said!”
He was sending LoL’s and I had to go there, so as usual I said it.
Lastly, ” dude where’s my car?”
We were both dying laughing. It was so wonderful to laugh to tears, it’s been awhile. I loved the “tit for tat” that I was having with him. It’s also nice that he really, really likes my ass. Bonus!

Previous Older Entries

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan