Maybe I Am Just Beautiful

I’m a strange duck when it comes to men. I put to much thought into what men are saying, I usually assume there is another meaning behind a lot of it. For example, if a man tells me he thinks I’m beautiful; I think he’s really saying, “can we have sex”? When a man says he wants to take me out sometime, I’m usually assuming he hopes the cost of dinner will at least get him a blow job. Yes, I always think there is motivation for sex when it comes to men.

Honestly because of this core belief of what I think, men are really wanting, I tend to disbelieve their compliments. In the past when a man has told me he thought I was beautiful or sexy, I have always responded with a polite “thank you” or a sarcastic “yeah sure”. While deep down abolishing their compliment in my mind with, “bullshit, bullshit, bullshit you just want to get laid”. For this reason, I have always put way more credence into compliments from women, then I do from men, because I don’t assume they want sex from me.

Lately, it seems all I hear is how beautiful I am and mostly from men. It’s been a few times a day, while out about during my day or online. Do I still think they are coming on to me? Yes. But, I guess it’s been said by so many different men recently that it’s finally starting to maybe seep in. “Hey I might actually be beautiful! Men may actually truly just think I’m beautiful and they may be telling me this without any agenda involved”? Its been a rather freeing experience. I don’t think I’ve ever allowed myself the privilege of just being thankful of a mans compliment.

Finding belief and appreciation in something so simple, Has really eased my mind. When before I would assume, “why is he lying to me”? And then becoming suspicious of what other lies he may be telling, all because, he told me I was the prettiest woman in the room. I think of all the time I have spent beating myself up internally, all of the mental abuse I have put myself through wondering why men can’t just be real. All the while, I was the one not being real. I was the one getting upset over my own psychological warfare and all over a simple sweet thing. Maybe now I can just accept men’s kind words with true acceptance. Thereby allowing myself a little less torture?

Just another thankful day in LoLa-Land

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Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan