It’s Not Always What You Think

I recently lunched with a friend whom I haven’t spent in any quality time with in awhile and we caught ourselves up on each others lives. “Life is what happens when your busy making other plans” right?  I asked her how things between her and her husband were going. They have a very long history and they have seen some rocky roads. But for the last five or six years they have seemed pretty rock solid.  My friend concurred that she and her husband  were doing well. However, she was getting a little tired of his constant golfing. 

I was cracking up. “Yes why does golfing have to take 5 hours”? I asked.

“I know righ?”  She responded 

I looked at her with thoughtfulness and said, “I remember a day not to long ago on facebook when he said the sweetest thing about how much he loves you and the kids and how special he was to have you all.  That was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen a man say.  My wasbund would have never said anything like that about me. In fact he didn’t. I wish I had someone that romantic. ” 

She started laughing and said, “the only reason he put that on there was because he went golfing on Valentine’s Day”!   

Well shit! That wasn’t at all what I was expecting. But sadly, it made a whole lot more sense then his sweet romantic post to her.  I wish the post had been said with love and not out of some need for forgiveness. It was still sweet that he said it, but why can’t we all be more open about our love ?   Why can’t we all be more expressive?   Why aren’t we all writing sonnets or mushy posts about our love?  It’s sad when you realize things aren’t always what you think they are. 

Oh well, it was just another day in LoLa-Land


The Look

“you gave me the look last night” He said.

“What look?” I asked.

“Shut up. Don’t give me that.  We have both been in long relationships before, you know the look.” He responded.

I know the look he’s talking about. It’s the look you get when you start to have feelings for someone feelings that suggest you are more than just friends or a causal thing.

“I didn’t give you the look!” I argued.

He chucked and responds, “Yes, yes you did. You gave me the look like three times. Once you were even biting your lower lip, which was adorable.”

God this man throws me a curve ball all the time. He is so much like me. He sees the things that I see. Most men are never this observant.  Not only does he catch on to things I don’t expect him to, he will bring it up! Shocks me and pushes me off the souls of my feet.  (Wow is this how I make other people feel when I put them on the spot with my forwardness?)  I actually love that he is so aware.

He went on, “I know you know the look I’m talking about LoLa? The one you get when you have feelings for someone else.”

“Please don’t say it” was all I could think. “Please don’t say the LOVE look!”  I am not prepared to say that to him. I do love him as a friend but the “I love you” words have so much more meaning. I probably did give him the look. I do care for him, I may even already love him more than friends; but, I can’t go there right now.

“I know the look” I responded rather quickly, which made him give a little snort of acknowledgement.  He probably could sense by my quick response that I was uncomfortable.  Then I remembered a moment when he grabbed my face, looked me in the eyes deeply and then planted a pretty hot kiss on me.

“You know” I started

“Yes” he replied

I sucked in my breath and quietly said,

“You gave me the look too”.

It’s Easy To Tell

I had another first date recently that lied about his height, ANOTHER ONE!!  I had a friend tell me once or maybe it was in a movie that most men add 3″ to their height and they usually lie about their age too.  The age thing I’ve been done by as well.  (one guy said he was 45 and turned out to be damn close to his 58th birthday.) 

Why lie about something that is so painfully obvious when you meet a person. That’s like saying you have all your limbs and then when you meet the person it’s like “hey you didn’t tell me about the missing arm?” I mean it’s pretty obvious when a man says he’s 5’10 and your 5’6 and as you are walking around you are an inch to 2 inches taller than him. 

I am kind of fed up with it all, so as we walked and talked, I said, “so, you obviously lied about your height”?

“What”? He replied shocked. 

“I can’t remember the last time I was taller than 5’10” I responded. 

“Well your wearing heals”! He exclaims. 

I replied with, “I’m not wearing 5 inch heals” 

He looks down and then stammers for a minute and says, “yeah I guess I’ve shrunk as I’ve gotten older “. 

All I could think was, “really you shrunk like 3 inches already and your only 45?? And yet you seem to stand so straight?  Hummm sure, whatever”. Did he think I was stupid? If I didn’t like the guy I would have probably said my thoughts out loud and kept him on the hot seat a bit longer. But I liked this guy so I gave him a break. 

It’s really not that big of a deal for me how tall they are. But, I don’t like liars. So, hopefully the fact that he was dishonest about that doesn’t signify that he has an issue with being honest.   I need to work on my “bullshit meter” maybe have it repaired because all the relationships I’ve had since the divorce, the men have been liars (all of them). I don’t know maybe it’s a good thing when men lie about their height?  Because, now I know from the get go, without a doubt that they have no issue being dishonest instead of blindly thinking they will be truthful and their not. 

Just another fun date in LoLa-Land 

Have a Glass 

I always seem to have a random glass in my bathroom.  I don’t know why this is, I am the only one who lives here and I never, EVER use a glass that’s been sitting in my bathroom for days. 

It is always me that puts the glass on the counter. I am usually dumping last nights water out and leaving the glass there.  Eventually I will take it to the kitchen;  At least that is what I say myself. 

So far this all makes sense right?  Here’s where I become dumbfounded, the glass will stay empty on my counter, for I kid you not, like 4 weeks. I will never use it. I have have even broke two because I forget they were there and knocked them over.  But, knowing that I don’t use them and even break them, I still leave the glass where it is. I swear to god on the days I remember to finally take the glass to the kitchen,  it is usually, the very next day that I end up putting another glass back in the bathroom. (Why!!! I don’t know) then that glass will stay there for weeks. 

Is this a security thing? Or is this just pure laziness? 

Hello Cutie

Today was a special day.  Today we introduced  our newest relative into the family.  A new nephew has been born and I can’t tell you how fricken cute he is.  I held him for as long as I could and he was still all curled up from being all squashed  up in the womb. His feet still curled up into his legs, that were curled up into his butt.  It was just the sweetest moment being there with him. I guess you could say I was getting my baby fix in.

At one point my niece commented on the size of his pinky and then took a picture of her pinky next to his.  I was struck as I looked at the difference in size of the two of them, at just how small we are when we come into this earth. And just how quick we grow up.

As I held him I remembered holding my niece over a decade ago and watching her stand up under the kitchen table, to standing up under the table and smacking her head on the bottom of it. Now she would be like, ” why the hell would I go under the table”?

Looking at that perfect sweet little person. Full of only good intentions and hope.  I was awestruck again by how small and vulnerable we are when we come into this world. How do we manage to stay alive through it all?  Before I know it this sweet boy will be running around smacking me with a plastic bat and I will be yelling at my sibling to control the rug-rat!  Until then I will be gladly loving on this kid when ever I can.

To tired 

I’m to tired to write

I tried but I give up the fight

My fingers hurt and so does my head

All I want is to just just go to bed

It’s s very full day tomorrw 

I need to stay focused on rest

Trying to think is horriable

Don’t ask me to spellcheck this mess 

Good night and sleep tight 

Do You Always Doubt Yourself?

I was on a date the other night, another first date. I was excited to meet this man but apprehensive as well. I was not sure what to expect from him.  We had a great time laughing and making jokes talking about things, life etc. I was a very sweet man.

I was talking to my date at one point about my work and how sometimes I doubt myself. How  I constantly surprise myself with my own knowledge and what I can get done.  He Suddenly  brought up an earlier conversation, where he complimented me and I disagreed. My date suddenly turns to me and says, ” do you always doubt yourself?”

(I literally did a quick flash back to my youth and took a slow flash forward through  my life.  I see my ice skating lessons and how I never thought I could ever be good enough to be a success at it. Singing in all the choirs I sang in, I never had the confidence to try out for a solo. I doubt my work ability all the time.  I think, I am just not that beautiful.  I doubt that I’m a good friend. I doubt anyone could ever really be faithful (ouch!! Right?).  Do I also doubt anyone could ever really love me unconditionally? )

“Yes” I said.

“What is that?” He asked, “where does that come from”?

“Honestly, I don’t know? I’ve never actually realized that” I replied.

Since the date I have given this a lot of thought. I still have no idea where this doubt comes from. Most people see me as confident. I do whatever I want to do. I try new things all the time. I’m not afraid to “go get’em” so to speak. But, it’s true I always think, “you could have done a better job. Your not that good…” Even as I have succeeded in advancing in certain things, I can still abuse myself by reminding myself,I could be better. I need to work on this.

It’s another day of self realization in LoLa-Land

Hairs Between Friends 

My wasbund came over today to drop something off to me. We sat and talked for awhile and then I could feel from his energy that he wanted to get going. We walked out to the front yard and I asked him, ” where are you heading off to”?

” I’m going to see Karen” he replies.  Karen is his ex-girlfriend who recently broke his heart. I looked at him carefully and said, ” be careful honey. Watch your heart”. 

” I know LoLa, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine” he answered. 

That’s when I noticed it. Being four inches shorter than my wasbund I sometimes see things that he can not.  “Honey are you going home first, before you go on this date?” I ask him. 

“Wasn’t planning on it, why?” He asks me. 

“Well you got two small bushes coming out of each nostril. It’s not that sexy.” I responded. 

“Shit!!! I just had everything trimmed when I got my haircut a few days ago!” He exclaims. 

I had to laugh really hard About that one. I don’t know how many times while we were married that I had to either ignore the tree branches extending from his nose, or tell him to go to the bathroom and do a quick prune job.  He never stayed on top of it. After I stopped laughing, I said, “yeah ok! Don’t you realize by now that you are hairy as fuck! You should be doing the pruning everyday. Now go on up to my bathroom and get my little eyebrow scissors and take care of that mess before you turn your date off!”. 

And just like when we were married,  after he left, I found little nose hairs all along my sink basin and on my little scissors; Because the more things seem to change, the more they stay the same.    

Taking The Guard Down

I’m normally really good at reading people’s energies.  I can usually watch people for a few minutes and know what kind of mood they’re in, if they are sad or angry, and it allows me the foresight to know the best way to approach the person.  But, not with this new man I have met.

This “sweetheart” of a man, I’ve been seeing. (He has made it to date five), has my energy reader at a complete loss. If I think he’s mad about something he usually Isn’t  at all. If I think he’s uncomfortable and double check that all of his needs have been met for maximum comfortability, I usually find he was perfect to begin with.

I don’t know what this all means?  Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I could read my ex’s like a book and I always thought that was good.  I always thought that strong, knowing connection was a blessing. But, I also, usually knew when they were lying to me or angry with me and just not saying anything.  With  “the sweatheart” I simply can not tell.  Is it like Isabel and Edward, the characters from twilight?  Edward can read everyone’s minds but Isabel’s because she is his soul mate. (Ok seriously LoLa that was a leap! You just met the man and he now may be your soulmate. Suck it up lady!!)

With this man I have somehow very easily let my guard start to fall away. I have the all knowing tiny voice  in my head saying, “Lola keep your guard up!”  Which is why I haven’t let the wall collapse completely. But that voice is not new to me.  Since I’ve been single, that voice has been there all the time, reminding me to be safe.  But with him it’s quieter than its been in months. When I’m with the “Sweetheart” the voice is just a whisper, like a friendly reminder. As opposed to most men I’ve gone out with, where the voice is screaming at me from a blow horn. “ABORT. ABORT!! Step away from the Asshole!!”

This shoud be interesting. Maybe “my rock” is right to have her good feelings about this guy. Maybe he will stick around.

Here’s hoping for a little love in LoLa-Land

Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan