Incapacitated By My Own Thoughts

I woke up this morning at the ungodly hour of 2:47 am. I was sweating like crazy.  The hair that laid captured under my neck was wet from perspiration, as was the sheet underneath me. My first thought was, “is this a hot flash from menopause? Am I already in that stage”?

Then I quickly noted that my heart was racing; we’re talking  off the chart, record speeds.  My breath was quick and short and all I could feel  within, was fear! Complete and utter fear was causing my throat to close up.  My chest felt like someone had just kicked me in the heart.  I realized I was officially freaking out. 

Then it became  pep talk time, here comes my internal conversation with myself. “ok Lola your tripping.  What’s going on? Whatever you were dreaming about is causing you to go into a straight up panic attack! Breath girl! Just breath! Clear your head”!

I laid there, in the same spot on my soaked sheets, and I closed my eyes, and only thought of the act of breathing. In and out, that’s all I thought about, just breath.  That’s all I remember, I woke up a few hours later.  I wish  I could say I remembered what had me all freaked out, but all I cared about at that time was calming myself down before I gave myself a heart attack.  

There is nothing wrong in my life. I am healthy  and my family is healthy. There are strong roofs over everyone’s heads.  I have enough money. I have enough food. I am free. What else really matters?  

What possible thoughts would have me incapacitated like that? I wish I knew because I wouldn’t think about that anymore or I would sink into it to get to the bottom of the fear. I will be honest the feeling of fear still resides currently  within me, like a really low voice in my head telling me not to do something. I just hope I figure it out soon because waking up like that sucked!

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Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan