Another Crazy Saturday 

This weekend had me spending lots of time with friends.  Saturday night I was with some of my coworkers from my day job.  My girlfriend, Cat, from work was in such a sad state after breaking up with her boyfriend. She had been walking around the office like Eeyore, with this huge cloud over her head. I had to do something to cheer her up and get her to stop calling him.  So I told her I was taking her out to get drunk Saturday night.  Soon it became us going to our other coworker,  Jakes house.  He happens to live a few blocks away from downtown in a small neighboring town.

These two coworkers of mine have partied together many times but this was my first with both of them.  At first I felt a bit like a third wheel but I still was having a great time getting to know them both better. We sat on his front porch, some of us drinking, Some of us smoking, just “shooting the shit” (that’s southern for “talking”), while watching the sun go down.  Once we all had a good buzz going we walked to downtown.  We ended up going to three different bars making sure my devestated coworker had two beers at each. (I also kept forcing food in her). 

We left the third bar shortly After discovering the tall beautiful man who was buying me drinks and coming on to me, for almost an hour, was in fact staying at the local Sheraton because his girlfriend kicked him out two days prior.  At this point my devestated coworker had a half dozen or more drinks In her 120lb body and wanted to go to another bar. Jake and I looked at each other and both said “no”. Both of us being 20 years her senior, we could tell she was about to blow or tank. 

The short walk home became quite adventurous. Cat says to us, “I wanna run!” And starts to run back to Jakes house. But, Jake being drunk and me being buzzed and in heals, we were against that move. So, Cat took off running and all I said to Jake was, “I really hope she stops at the corner”.  Which she did, thankfully so Jake and I were able to catch up to her. (This happened again the next block). Finally we make it to Jakes block and Cat was draped on a telephone pole.  So, he grabs her arms and we all begin to walk the short two house distance to his porch when suddenly she passes out. Not expecting her sudden drop, Jake, who was caught off guard by her entire body weight being added to his arm, tried to stop her from falling and in doing so ended up falling on top of her. 

So, here I am, standing next to this drunk couple laying on the ground half in the street and half on the sidewalk, thinking to myself, “this is not good”. I had just watched the entire thing happen in like slow motion and couldn’t do anything to help because I was holding Jakes Pizza. (Ok maybe I was more then buzzed). A car stops and a woman asked if we were ok? At this point Jake was getting up. I put the pizza down and we both grab one of Cats arms and walk / Drag her dead weight to the suddenly Very Long distance to his house. 

We throw her into Jakes bed and walk away.  Suddenly Cat comes out of her comma and springs up to standing and says, “I wanna run!”. She then proceeds to start to run and gets as far as the living room where she literally stops suddenly And then (did a cartoon move) looked up and  passes out again, she does a spin on her heal and then her entire body  fell to the right.  Thankfully the couch was to the right and she just landed perfectly into it.  I took off her shoes and Jake got her a pillow and blanket. 

This was when I realized I may have an issue because the couch was where i was going to sleep.  Now the only free sleeping surface is in bed with Jake!  So, I drank some more alcohol, while Jake and I worked out a deal on the front porch. I would sleep in his bed next to him and he would not touch me. We then discovered we like opposite sides of the bed, and all was good in the world again. 

I went to bed first and laid there forever uncomfortable and wishing he would turn his very loud music down. Finally I got up, took off the very tight jeans I had on, wished I had worn my granny panties and not my g-string, put some toilet paper in my ears to cut the sound of the music.  I slipped back into bed and did a small prayer to my angels that Jake wouldn’t pull back the covers really far and see my ass or accidentally brush me while I’m sleeping and feel skin. 

It took me about an hour to go to sleep and it was maybe only two hours after that jake woke me up coming to bed. Then only two hours  after that he woke me up and for a minute I was in full Panic mode because I thought for sure I was married again. This was when Jake suddenly rolled over towards me.  His entire body was now pressed up against mine (he was still dressed thank god) and he throws  his right arm over my head. Jake is not a small man.  His  arm felt like it weighed 50lbs. And at that exact same moments starts snoring like a lumberjack right in my ear.   At first I was traumatized. I wondered if the last five years had just been a dream. Had I never actually gotten divorced?!   Then I realized where I was. 

I laid there like that for awhile, trying to find Rhythm in his snores. But, then poor Jake started laying some increadably stinky wet sounding farts and I knew right then at that very early 3:15am hour that I was sober enough to drive. I slid out from under Jakes arm and off the side of the bed, grabbed my jeans and ran to the bathroom.  I woke Cat enough to ascertain that she did not want to go home right then (I don’t blame her) and would have her sister come get her; so, I left. It wasn’t until I was driving home at 4 am Sunday morning that I rembered the pizza box I left siting on the sidewalk two doors from Jakes home. 

Just another crazy day in LoLa-land 


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Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan