We Are All Alone

The morning I left New York for Florida, my trips final destination. I was cruising in the backseat of the cab,  looking at as much as I could take in when I saw it;  I saw this little handwritten sign, on a binder piece of paper, Taped to the side of a mailbox that said, “WE ARE ALL ALONE”. 

I was instantly struck with sadness for this person who wrote the note. It felt to me like a desperate cry out.  I know from the pain I’ve had this year, what it feels like to be alone and lonely . And I thought to myself “I know that I’m alone but, I hope I don’t feel loneliness again”.  I felt like, having just been on this amazing trip, with two people who obviously love me very much, that there is no way that I’d actually ever be truly alone. I don’t think they would ever let me feel that way? (Nor my parents, who are still alive and well). Then I saw some new cool thing and my mind went elsewhere. 

When I got to the airport they had the news on in the terminal and the anchors were discussing the tragedies of the Oregan shootings that had just occurred the day before in a high school  and how horrific it was. The anchor woman asked the obvious ” why do people think that killing and or even worse killing children, is somehow proving a point? what’s wrong with people and why do they do this stuff it’s crazy!!” I sat in complete sadness yet again and shook my head in agreement with her outrage.  When her coanchor responded with, “well the neighbors reported him as, quite the loaner and said, that he was always alone and that he seemed like a really lonely guy “. (I love how repetitive the News can be sometimes don’t you?) 

But there it was again, being alone and loneliness. Was it loneliness that made him kill innocent people that day? I’ve felt loneliness take me to a sad vulnerable place within myself before, but never did I wish to harm another. Is loneliness the undoing of our society? We all have all these connections that we never had before with the Internet. You would think we woukd feel less alone then we ever have through-out time.  With Facebook I have more friends then I ever imagined I could have and yet using the Internet is a individual act.   Ultimately we are alone when we use it and we use the computer a lot.  What happens when we wake up and realize, “my entire life is virtual”!  Does having a million friends online actually make is feel more or less alone?

But, why two signs about about being alone in less than an hour? What is it I am meant to know by this? What more do I need to know about loneliness that I don’t already know? It sucks you into a dark hole and only you can crawl out of it. Friends and family can help, but you have to be willing to acknowledge their love.  Are the signs to help me realize, that? “yes we are all alone, we come in this world alone and we leave this world alone”.  But, we can choose to except loneliness or not. Just like we can choose to be alone or not.  Was I meant to see these two signs at this moment so as to remind me of how blessed and loved I am? ( if so, it worked). 

But, let us not confuse being alone and loneliness as the same thing. Being alone can be wonderful. Quiet, peaceful, self-healing and Exactly what one needs for clarity.  I think being alone is good for your soul.  But loneliness is another story.  Being alone is a physical state where as being lonely is a mental state.  The mental state seems to me to be more about fear than anything else. So, many people stay in relationships or living situations that don’t make them happy, all because of the fear of lonliness. However, Both the  physical state and the mental state of being alone can be easily changed by making a single phone call to a loved one or by going Out and striking up a conversation with someone you have never met.  

I guess what I am learning from all of this and about myself is that “I am not lonely but I am often Alone” and that’s fine by me because I know I’m loved even when I’m by myself. 

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Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan