You’re In My 4am Thoughts 

A “friend” sent me this in a text, “your in my 4am thoughts”. I thought to myself,  “maybe he was Horney”  and when I asked him,  he just chuckled and said, “sometimes that’s the case. But, that’s not what I was referring to this time”. It was an incredibly sweet thing for me to hear.  Isn’t that all we really want? Is to be in someone’s thoughts?  I am so thankful and appreciative that he thinks of me. He is one of the kindest men I have ever met; yet sadly, I do not think of him at 4am.  

I don’t say this to be mean at all, I’m just being honest. I think he’s a great guy and I wish him all the best. I enjoy his friendship and his company but I have just never found a place in my heart for him, other than friendship.  He’s not the guy for me no matter how much he wants me to be his girl.  Him thinking of me almost saddens me.  I would love to be in-love With this man, but I’m not.  Why is it so hard to find someone who has mutual feelings about you? 

 Twice this week I have needed Someone’s help and no one has been there for me. It was both emotionally jarring, aswell as a eye opener. The universe reminding me yet again, “you are all alone”.  But then again, I’m not really alone.  I have this amazing friend who I am sure would stop everything to help me.  He would probably swoop in and fix everything. And that is why I specifically did not call him. If I had it would have felt like I was just using him. I would not want to raise his hopes that my calling on him for help, is some sort of sign that I want him more than I need him. 

I wish I had someone I thought of at 4am. When the time comes, I hope that the person I think of, thinks of me. It’s taken me over a year to learn to trust again.  I’ve learned this year that there are actually some good decent men out in the world.  Now it’s all on me to know him when I see him. 

Who do you think of in your late night or early morning hours? Do they know you think of them? 


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Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan