37 and Never Been Married 

“So tell me, why a good looking guy such as yourself is 37 and you’ve never been married?” I asked. 

“I don’t want to get divorced because it seems like a hellish thing to have to deal with.  I have my routine and I like to be alone. Woman who have been with me have wanted my constant attention.  They want to see me as soon as I’m off work and all weekend.  I like to play in my garage and work on my car. Usually they start to think I’m cheating on them and leave because their desperate for attention.” He replied. 

“Hmmmm yeah I know the type” I respond. 

“When I’m with you I will give you 100% of my attention and that will only make you want more and more of it when I’m away from you.” He kept going. (I’m noting that he’s starting to seem a bit cocky). 

Fast forward to our first date 

He shows up at my home 20 minutes late with no excuse of his tardiness. “What are you cooking for me?” He asks?
I had to laugh, as I realized, this man doesn’t know me at all.  “Look the sign in my kitchen is accurate, ‘I kiss better than I cook’. But, I haven’t cooked in weeks and I kind of feel like doing it.  I can try out my new apron!” I say excitedly, and jump up and go in the kitchen. 

“Sit at the bar, so we can talk.  Do you want something to dri..” I start to ask before I realized he was already head first in my fridge pulling out a beer. (Ok, help yourself).  After opening his beer he goes into my living room and plops himself down on my couch. Grabs the remote and turns on the Warriors game. (Really?! Isn’t he going to give me 100% of his attention?) 

“Are you going to watch the game or talk to me?” I ask. 

“I’m going to do both.” He dryly replies with out even looking at me. 

Irritated I got to my Prep work. I was working in silence listening to his game when suddenly he comes into my kitchen. 

“Are you going to use any bell peppers in the sauce?” He asked 

“I don’t have any” I answer 

“You know if you cut that onion another way you cry less?” He states (really asshole why don’t you come and cut the onion then? I think as I feel my irritation level rising) 

“Do you have any Balsamic?” He asks me. 

“I don’t think so? Why?” I answer. 

“Oh, too bad that would have been good in the sauce.” He answers. 

(Who’s making this pasta me or you? How the hell do you know what would make my sauce taste better when you haven’t even tasted it?) 

Then a commercial comes on with some famous woman who had an obvious boob job and he says, “oh thank god she got her tits done!  She had kids so you know those things were just all stretched out and saggy, with stretch marks and just hanging! That’s the worst kind of boobs! Small boobs that have been used for breast feeding just look nasty afterwards!” He spouts off. 

(I just kept thinking of my sister and how self conscience she is about her tits since breastfeeding. And how proud I am  of her for putting her kids health abover her vanity.   How she is beautiful no matter what shape her tits are now in. Fuck this guy). 

“What’s up with your texting?” I ask. As I had been highly irritated since meeting him by his shitting cell phone communication and at this point I’m ready to take him on. ( I was also desperate to change the subject before I said anything rude.) “You will ask me a question, I respond right away and then you reply to my response 5 hours later.  It’s kind of infuriating.” 

“Well i have my routine and I like to be alone. Woman who have been with me have wanted my constant attention.  But I hate the phone. Usually my ex’s start to think I’m cheating on them and leave because their desperate and need to know where I am at all times and when i don’t respond they think I’m doing bad things but I never am. I don’t like to be attached to my phone” he answered 

(“Interesting” is what I was thinking as I knew I had heard that well rehearsed monologue of his before. While noting he had checked his phone twice already since he had been over.  This man REALLY has no idea who I am. He must think I’m a stupid blonde. )

“Maybe they start to feel insecure because you start a conversation and then just leave people hanging and then your just MIA. It leaves a lot up for interpretation”  I state. 

“Yeah well they need to just deal with it because this is how I roll” he replies. 

(Who the hell does this guy think he is? Tupac?)

As we ate my meal he made two comments about “gays” while lowering his voice.  As if saying “Gay” was a bad word. (Again I’ve mentioned my opportunity to have had  a bucket list trip to Italy, to him and not once did he ask me about it. If he had, he would have found out about my GAYS and how I would NEVER tolerate a partner who would ever be judging them or anyone else for their sexual preference. (“This guys a real peach” is all I keep thinking.)

While enjoying drinks on the couch after dinner (that he didn’t even clean up his plate from or offer to help me clean in anyway) he made some comment about how we all evolve from dark skin.  (Don’t ask me how this shit came up). “What? Is that some anthropological theory or..?” I start to ask and he inturpts me. 

“Well yeah, there’s a theory we all came from Africa and through evolution we have lightened up through the years and our hair and eyes have gotten lighter in the process” he replies. 

(Now granted I am already on edge with this guy and ready for him to leave. So, my ability to subjectively ask him more questions regarding his comment without judging him are very low.) 

“I’m not sure your explaining yourself correctly. Because that sounded a lot like Hitlers view on the perfect Person being pale skinned with blonde hair and blue eyes.  And because of their physical traits that they are some how better than someone who’s darker skinned?!” I reply with obvious irritation in my voice. 

(This is when he was supposed to correct my misinterpretation of his statement but instead…) 

“Well yeah kind of. According to this theory he was right” he answers instead.

(Are you fucking kidding me! That’s like saying that I’m more evolved then half my Creole elders, and all their years of life lessons, just because I have blonde hair!!! This guy is a Moron!!! No wonder he has never been married!! Woman are to smart to put up with any of that shit! Anyone who thinks someone’s bodily traits makes them more evolved was skipped over during the evolution of the brain development and it still thinking like an ape!  I sat in silence and waited for him to start beating on his chest.) 

“So, do you want to go Upstairs… ” he says to me lowering his voice to, what I assume is his sexy bedroom voice. 

“No I’m tired, you should probably go” I reply irritated. 

I was already up and half way to my front door as I was answering him. 

“Ok well, we still on for Saturday?” He asks me, as he heads through my door. 

“I don’t know? Why don’t you text me and I’ll respond when I have time.” I calmly replied and then I shut my door, locked it and turned off my porch light, before he even had my screen door closed. 

Just another (fantastic) date in LoLa-Land 

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Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan