My Hearts My Gift

This year for Valentine’s Day I choose myself as my Valentine.  Sounds horribly narcissistic or depressing doesn’t it? It’s actually neither. This year for Valentine’s Day, I am making a promise to take care of my own heart for a change.  Instead of dedicating my heart and energy to another, I’m promising it to myself. I want to start focussing on my own well being.  What could I be doing that would be better for my heart? 

I’m constantly struggling with taking care of myself. Wether it is not working out enough, not eating right, drinking too much etc.  I’m making the conscience effort to make my heart my priority. I’m not getting any younger and more and more I find my body giving me issues.  All though they may be small now; I worry that they could get much worse if I don’t start caring for myself better. So, starting today I’m putting my work-outs and eating-right, back on the daily to do list. 

Beyond the physical aspect of caring for this vital organ of mine, is the mental and emotional aspects too. I’m dedicating this year to making my life less stressful. I don’t need a heart attack because I work so damn much. I want more moments like I had in Italy and less Like I have in January. Moments where I can’t see straight because I’m so stressed out, have got to go! To have painful  physical responses to my work and still be barely making it is really starting to piss me off! 

I want my heart to be open, so I can fall in-love when it finds me. At times in the past, I have been looking for love in all the wrong places. I haven’t looked for love in months and it’s been much calmer in my life. But, not looking for love and not being open to love are two different things. Even though I’m no longer looking for it, I still want to be both open and ready when love appears. I want all my baggage stored in tiny carry on bags up in the in my mental closet; Not, in wood trunks stacked beside me. It’s my hope, that I may be able to accept love without any history distorting my view or my emotions. 

Being open to love flows to my friendships as well as a lover. I no longer wish to spend my time with people who don’t really make an equal effort to be with me, as I do with them. I don’t want souls in my life who put me down or think it’s ok to tell me what they think I need to improve on. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like friends who are honest with me; but, not with regards to making themselves feel better.  I want my heart surround by friends who love and help me not judge or ridicule me.  

Who knows, Maybe my heart will start to feel better? I know it’s been through a lot already this year. Finding out about my ex’s infidelity, added another wood trunk to my stack of mental baggage; but, I’m trying like mad to set it on fire before it falls on me and squishes me. 

Happy Valentine’s Day to you all! I hope you all are taking care of your own hearts in what ever form that means for you. 


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Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan