You’re Depressed So I’m Out Of Here!

“I’m so confused. I’m The only guy that cares about your feelings And I’m the one you feel hurt by? I think you have stuff going on, depression or other stuff? And the stuff your into and are doing right now is just not for me. So, I just stay away!”

One of my good friends sent this to me after I texted him, “your absence is hurting my feelings, why haven’t you called me back”?  I almost had to start laughing at his response. I’m not “in-to” anything! I’m not depressed either! I’m stressed and all I’m “in-to” is piles of work!

The last time I saw him or talked to him, was when we had gone to a party together with some of my friends.  People who I  hadn’t seen in awhile and he was so rude to all of them. He wouldn’t talk to anybody and wouldn’t even sit down. He wanted to go after an hour. Meanwhile,  I kept getting pulled into deep conversations with friends I hadn’t talked to in moons.  So, I think for the first time ever since we’ve known each other, I was not able to give him 100% of my attention. Maybe he felt left out? I don’t know? I tried to involve him in our conversations but he just ignored everyone. (Does any of this Make sense as to why he would think I’m depressed or on something???  No, not to me either!) 

None of it makes sense to me. And of course He won’t elaborate either.  I think I had three HardMikes over a 6 hour period that night, so I wouldn’t say I have a drinking problem. I can’t figure out where he got these ideas about my wellbeing? But, here’s what I do find interesting, as much as he seems to “care” for me (and tells me as much), “I’m the only guy who cares about you” he also thinks I’m depressed and he’s choosing this time to stay away from me.?!

That’s so caring! Really? If I think my friends have a problem  with depression I get closer to them, to try and pull them out of it. I don’t walk away because, “it’s not my thing…” What the Fuck is that? That’s not care, that’s abandonment.  Other than this text, my friend refuses to give me anymore reasoning behind his absence and refuses to tell me what he thinks I’m, “in-to”. Leaving me unable to defend myself except to say, “I’m not in-to anything and I’m not depressed.” (Of course it’s hard to prove this to someone when they won’t respond to you.) 

Normally I would chase him down and fight with him until I was sure that he realized he was wrong. But, I just don’t have the energy anymore to chase anyone. If someone can walk away from me that easily, without even a good reason or a reason they can follow up with some facts, then as far as I know, they never really cared about me in the first place and I don’t need to be surrounded by more people who don’t care about me. 

Just another departure from someone I thought loved me here in LoLa-Land. (I’m getting used this move.)


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Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan