Never Assume The Worst

Sexy Fireman came back to visit me yesterday.  I hadn’t seen him since the day he gave me the concussion. In the past two weeks there have been times he has not been on my good list. I know, it was an accident but there were a couple of days things got ugly.  Days when I was so distraught by my seemingly, dimming future I wouldn’t even respond to his messages.  I wasn’t trying to be rude; I was feeing  vulnerable and alone, wondering if I was going to be able to cope with life.  

Since I’m unable to work still, SF said he would come and take me to our favorite place (the beach) so I could get out of the house.  I have been cooped up inside for so long I have no idea what day it is anymore. As excited as I was to go to the coast, I was a bit apprehensive to see SF.  One because deep voices tend to hurt my head and I was worried he would be killing me by just talking. The second one was because I had asked him for help financially and he said he would bring me a couple hundred dollars, which made me feel very awkward. 

I hated to have to ask him for help.   It goes against everything my Mama ever taught me, which was, “make your own money and marry a man for love”.  I’m not sure I’ve ever depended on a man for money? Even my daddy (who has money), has never been one to just give me some when I’ve needed it. My entire life I think I’ve called him 3 times looking for some money and the only time he gave me any (apart from birthdays and Christmas) was when I got married (and I think that was only because my mom gave me money).  In fact the other two times when I asked for financial assistance he would almost laugh at me and then ask me a million questions like,  “why don’t you have money? Maybe your not working enough? why can’t you handle your own shit?”  By the end of the conversation I was usually embarrassed and wishing I had just called the bank or a loanshark. 

SF walked in my door (I stayed in a room with vaulted ceilings even though he was on strict orders to keep my feet on the ground) and within minutes handed me an envelope. I was embarrassed I was taking money from him, yet; I was relieved too. This injury has made paying bills impossible and as sad and embarrassing as it is for me, I needed some money to pay the rent. “Thank you SF! how much is in here?” I asked him curiously (because the envelope felt pretty thick) SF just had this huge smile and said,”you should count it”. 

I pulled out this huge wad of $100 bills and started counting. When I got done counting I just stood there frozen.  I went into shock. SF paid me for all of my doctor bills and some of my lost wages. In my mind I was hoping he would come through with half of what I was out financially.  Yet, when I was done counting he had given me well over half. I looked at him and he was just grinning from ear to ear. I just started to cry. 

Swooping me up in a hug he was so confused. “I’m sorry I wanted to give you as much as I could” he said sounding worried, “Are these good tears?” He asked so confused. “I know your a proud woman LoLa. I know how hard it must have been to ask me for help and I have felt so bad I hurt you. I never wanted any of this for you. I want to make sure that all you have to worry about is healing.  I don’t want you to be unconvinced any more than you already have been. So, if helping you out with money relieves your stress than that’s what I’m going to do!”

Of course they were tears of joy! I was in shock! Complete and utter shock because I was just hoping he’d come up with half of what I was out, but; only expected a couple hundred dollars. It was one of the rare times in my life I’ve been happily surprised.  I took the money without hesitation because in all honesty, I needed it.  We drove straight over to the bank. As we drove, I kept thinking how blessed I am that this man, who isn’t even my boyfriend or someone I would even refer to as a close friend, would come through for me in this way. And it made him so happy to do it too. He was so giddy and excited to be able to help me. It made him feel better. Maybe that’s another reason I didn’t worry about accepting it. I knew how bad he felt about it all and finally he found a way to help me. Not only did he solve my problem he solved his. 

I’m disappointed in myself though. I’m disappointed for ever having doubted him.  He promised he would make sure I would be ok but I didn’t believe him. I feel bad for not believing in his word.  He has never been anything but honest and sincere with me. This is just a reminder that I need to have more faith in others and not assume the worst. 

Just another hard lesson learned in LoLa-Land

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Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan