The Zen In Me

The concussion and being out of sorts, not being able to enjoy even the smallest aspect of my life has really changed me in so many ways (Who knows for how long). I’ve been more focused on certain aspects of fear, that having the injury brought to me.  My fear of always being forgetful, always having headaches and not being able to enjoy things I really loved like loud music and movies.  I’ve been freaked out about not being able to do my skill and make a living. I’ve been twisted up a bit, that it was another man hurting me yet again, just in a different way (even though I know he didn’t mean to). The list goes on. I went into a black whole  physically, mentally and emotionally. I would think, “the sweatheart thought I was depressed months ago… ha! That was just moody or stress.  Now I’m depressed” 

Now that I’m back to normal (what Ever that is) and I’m out among the living again, my spirits are picking up.  The more time I spend outside and away from what was “the cave” of my home, the better I feel. I keep thinking of that one song, “let the sunshine in”. As I feel like I could sit outside and literally suck the Suns rays into my body for fuel. Of course it’s raining outside and we haven’t seen the sun in about a week. Even with the rain I Am just very Zen and happy when ever I’m outside.  

I stood in the cold and rain last night for 20 minutes waiting for my dinner date  (only to find later there are two doors in to the restaurant).  I wasn’t upset I was standing outside. I didn’t even care or feel scared that there was a homeless man sleeping just 10 feet away from me. Not once was I upset when I thought my date was late.  I could have stood there all night under the fog and in the drizzly rain. I probably could have been content to pop a squat next to the homeless man for awhile (I mean I was basically already in his bedroom).  

  I literally feel like laying on the earth.  Maybe not so much right now because it has been raining, but soon, I need to find myself a patch of grass (while we still have some somewhere) and lay down.  I crave the feel of the our planet under more than just my feet as much as I crave the sun and rain. I am at peace, and that is all there is it to it! I am just feeling completely Zen.  

Just another peaceful day in LoLa-Land 


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Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan