She Don’t Love You

I was taking a walk the other day while listening to my Pandora as I traveled. I typically listen to the same few stations. I call them chick stations or chick music. Because they are all female singers, usually more folk then anything else.  I figured out long ago I like to listen to music I can sing too. 

Suddenly a country song came on, which I thought odd because even though I do like country, I typically don’t chose to listen to it and none of my folk chicks ever play country on their radio. But, hey stranger things have happened right?  As I walked I was a captive listener to the words of this song (because I had no other choice) and I suddenly wondered, “was this written about me”?  

It’s not a happy song at all, in fact it’s just like most other country Songs.  It tells you a sad story. But, this one is of a broken woman and how she handles being broken. Here is it by Eric Paslay “She Don’t Love You

It made me think of all the men I have dated these last few years. It Specifically made me think of the men who wanted me to be their girlfriend.  I thought of all the times I heard from a man, who I felt was like a  stranger to me, “I think I’m falling in love with you and I want to be in a relationship with you”.  And all I thought to myself was, “you don’t even know me”. 

Don’t get me wrong, it was never my intentions to lead anyone on or to misguide anyone. I tell everyone I date that I am dating other men. Yet, there always seems to be someone who gets a bit too attached. (I’ve been guilty of this in my life aswell but not for a long time). Some men have just wanted more from me then I have had to give. 

The song makes me sad to listen to and yet at the same time I get a strong feeling of just “knowing and accepting”.  It almost feels like confirmation for me. Yes I am bruised and I have been broken. Trust is not my strong suit and I am very used to the leaving. Through my accepting and affirmation of Mr Paslays words, still bring little comfort to the men who have found themselves falling for me in the past. Because no matter how much of their hearts they would lay on the line for me I would still not pick them up. And as much as I have tried to be honest and forthright with my male friends before hand it has still not stopped some of them from getting hurt.  

I guess I wish they could hear this song and realize that is not them. They are not missing any great attribute or lacking in anything. The only thing missing is inside of me. And no matter how much I may have cared for them or loved them in my own way I could never pretend to be, “all in” with regards to a relationship when pieces of me were not there to give. They always saw me as distant and uncaring and I always felt to myself, “I’m sorry you are just not right for me”.  When in reality it was likely me who was not right for them because I knew they would never get all of me and that wouldn’t be fair to them or to us.  

The lesson today in LoLa-Land Is “you can’t give away something you don’t have”. 


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Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan