Saying “When”

One of my best friends is losing her mother. She has cancer that has metastasized to her liver and bones.  She is 68 years old and very frail At this stage. She is in quite a bit of pain and staying in the hospital until the doctors can regulate her pain. Then after June 9th when the law is passed she plans on “dying with dignity”. 

I have known this woman since I was 14 or 15 years old. I would walk in her home with my BFF and her mom would be right there offering us cookies and milk or fresh made bread. She would always want a hug and kiss from my friend and my girlfriend would do what all teenagers do, cringe and pull away. She would always want to join in on our discussions and see how her daughters day was. 

I thought of her mom as  June Clever. She stayed home all day.  So, it seemed her job was maintaining the home and making sure the kids were fed and happy.  She seemed completely content doing that job too. Sometimes I felt a bit of sadness from her as she would seem to be Desperately holding onto her children’s youths. As much as I know she wanted them to have great lives she didn’t want them to grow up and leave her.  She was night and day from how my own mother was (don’t get me wrong I have a great mom but she had to work a lot), so being pampered and cared for in her way was always such a treat for me. 

I’ve stopped in the hospital and visited her the last few days and we have had some amazing conversations. I love talking to dying people (does that sound horrible?) because they are just real! There is no need for bullshit. And I can be my blunt self and they don’t care because they have moved passed being offended by stupid things. People who are dying chose their concerns and worries and they simply have no time for stupidity. Talking with the dying feels like talking to angels, they are more aware of what’s really going on and not caught up in the superficial humanous of life. 

I asked her what her lesson was she learned this life, as we both believe in reincarnation and our lives are for a purpose.  She said, “live your life graciously”. I thought that was funny she said that,because this woman has never been anything but gracious to me my entire life. She has always put others before herself and with a smile, as she has always been happy to do it. 

When I told my boss  what she said about living a gracious life, my boss said, “I died for a few minutes once and was light with no worries or concerns and then this loud male voice said to me ‘it’s not about you. It’s about how you effect others. You have the power to break someone’s day or makes someone’s day!”  (I loved that she shared this with me) All I could think was, “if that’s all it’s about then my friends mom had never done anything but try and make my day!” And I will always love her for that!  

I am so sad she is leaving this life.  I am going to miss her energy and love. The earth will be missing a good soul when she dies, but it will be heavens gain. I’m so thankful she has the opportunity to let herself go before she gets much worse. Her pain is so horrible and not necessary. I am thankful for this new law that is allowing her to call her own death! It’s about time! For years we have been putting our dying pets out of their misery. Yet, we have tortured our dying family and friends by making them suffer endlessly until their bodies just give out, all because they couldn’t decide they’re own death! 

As sad as I am to see her go I am beyond happy she is able to say “when”.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan