Second To Nothing

I am about to mix things up around here
I am sick of coming in second place
There’s a shift in my life which is clear
I’m sweeping the decks and making space

There will be no more excuses about forgotten dates
That only tells me I wasn’t important enough to remember
There will be no more “sorry but I was consoling another mate”
Like this is a dating game and I’m was the runner up contender

There will be no more “sorry we went with someone else for the position”
No more staring up at the men’s shoes through the cold glass ceiling
Being Second person for the job has been beating me into submission
I am done with the hypocrisy this is business there’s no hard feelings

This is the end of the line to my quiet acceptance
I will no longer be letting hurtful things go unheard
I’m tired of my life being second to my ambivalence
I will not tollerant what I find dismissive without saying a word

I will not resign myself to being second to nothing
I will not stand in fear of what’s to come
I’m spreading my wings and flying off to find something
Up is where I’m going and second is where I’m coming from


When I’m Down

I think I am a very lucky soul
Though I am no stranger to love and pain
All of which has taken its toll
But I still look for rainbows after the rain

I have surplus of love that surrounds me
A modest but happy and healthy life
My only wish is to always remain happy
I do what I can to avoid having strife

But times are not always easy
Life can sometimes cast a large shadow
Making us scared or making us queasy
The more we endure the more we grow

I may not feel so lucky without my friends
Without them caring for me when I’m down
I never worry about if our relationship will end
When another man leaves, they are around

These are the woman that check on me when I’m hurt
They hold my hair back when I am sick
They come over with food, wine and dessert
The bring me laughter when life seems horrific

Without my friends I think I’d be a mess
Without their smiling faces to cheer me up
My friends remind me that love is limitless
Instead of half empty, I see my life as a full cup

The Line

I don’t expect anyone to listen to me
To men I’m just an attractive woman
Not everyone can take me seriously
I’m on the other side of the line from them

I pride myself on having a very quick brain
A firm line on what I think is right or fair
My stubbornness to walk my line drives some insane
Take me or leave me, I don’t really care

I won’t judge you, your choices or your line
To me it’s more about who you are now
But don’t you dare underestimate mine
Don’t assume you can cross my line somehow

We all have to do, what we have to
Sometimes we just don’t have a choice
Do we stay in line and do what we’re supposed to do
Or do we listen to the our little devilish voice

I’m not weak enough to become your prey
I have seen your type of person before
You need to walk the line or go away
You won’t be dragging me to the floor

Don’t ever try to put me in line
I don’t fallow the same path you do
We can walk together, that’s fine
But I refuse to change who I am for you


I’m feeling very “run down” this week.  I’m ok physically and mentally. But emotionally and spiritually I’ve seen better days.  I have found myself wanting to spend more time home alone then with loved ones because they are taking so much out of me.  

I’ve always had this great ability to be people’s sounding wall. People can vent or cry, bitch and moan to me about anything and I don’t judge, I just listen. These problems that people share with me never get me down or upset me. Some people have found this trait of mine to be a skill.  For me it’s just…. Me.  Anyway, normally hearing my friends and family complain is not an issue; but, lately I’ve just been kind of depleted by it all. 

I don’t know if this is because I myself feel like a few too many things are up in the air in my own life and I need my own guidance? Or if there are just to many loved ones calling on me and not reciprocating?  All I know is I’m feeling drained and I have started avoiding phone calls and have turned down dates and plans with my peeps.  Because quite honestly I don’t want to have to help anyone else right now. 

It’s making me a bit sad because I love to be around people. I’m an extravert for Christ sakes but lately being around people has started to exhaust me.  It really screws with my FOMO (fear of missing out) because I have been saying “no” to more things then I say yes to.

Can a person take a mental vacation while still maintaining a job and regular life? 

Just a low day in LoLa-Land 

Up Up and Away

I had yet another sweet invite this weekend. I actually had two, but I only did one of them. Friday night one of my girlfriends hosted a birthday party for me and two other girls. It was a sleepover girls night, with hot tub option. Saturday night, one of my college friends invited me to another girls night at her parents cabin at the top of a mountain in Sonoma County.  I had already rsvp’d to the Saturday event so instead of spreading myself too thin, I only went over for dinner and drinks Friday night and when all the girls were about to jump in the hot tub,  I left.  

On Saturday, the drive to the cabin was a bit hairy i’m not going to lie. It was often times straight up or very steep and windy road.  It had also rained off and on all that day; so, the very dry rock walls on one side,  were giving way and there was a lot of rocks on the wet road.  To make things even worse the fog was coming in faster then I could drive and at certain times, I was surrounded by whiteness.  It was both breathtaking and horrifying at the same time. 

I was thankful to finally reach the cabin. It is the last property located at the very top of a mountain. It’s a hodgepodge of different doors and windows, as each decade the family has made additions to the exsisitung one bedroom cabin. Now it houses two bedrooms, a large kitchen, living room with dining area, a loft and a 180degree wrap around porch. It’s totally funky and exactly what I would expect from her family. 

She said every time someone in the family remodels or gets rid of anything they bring the old stuff to the cabin. So the windows and front door are all from their grandmas house and their furniture is all castoffs from the extended family.  

I felt so blessed to be able to have the peace and quiet of the cabins blissful surroundings (even if I got more grey hairs driving there).  The fog lowered enough so that we were able to sit under the covered porch and watch the sunset. 

We barbequed everything we brought. We barbequed the steaks and squash, to go with the pasta and salad for dinner. Then we barbequed dates wrapped with chease and bacon (holly hell can I get a witness,  that shit is good). Then we actually grilled on foil, organic Oreos and granola with chocolate on top. It was one of the yummiest meals I had in awhile. I had a blast, we all laughed and giggled all night. I slept like a log and when I woke up, I saw this. 

It was heaven. I do so have the most amazing friends! 

Just another fabulous weekend in LoLa-Land

Friend Zone

“You friend zoned me”
I’m sorry I swear I like  you too
“Then give me a kiss please”
If I do what will become of you?

“I will kiss you again and again”
I wish I could believe that were true
“Why are you scared to let this begin”?
It could be amazing but I’m not new

“What do you mean sexy ?”
You’ve told me for years about your conguests
“Those relationships were all messy”
You ran away from all their interests

“They weren’t right for me like you”
You thought they were all perfect
“What are you trying to ensue”
In this room, we are the  elephant

“Don’t you want to be with me”
I love our time together you bring me joy
“Then stop being such a damn tease”
I’m not trying to be I’m sorry your annoyed

“Jump off the cliff with me honey”
Will you still be there when we hit bottom?
“We can only wish for the best and see”
Will you still be my friend in the autumn?

“Is that what this is about, our friendship”?
If we end, will you still give me hugs with pats?
“Nothing could ever come between our relationship”?
Kiss me, and we will just have to see about that

Skin on Skin

Skin on skin is what I’m missing
That soft velvet touch against mine
I don’t even need any hardcore kissing
some simple touching would be sublime

I yearn for the feeing of another body
Twisting around me like a long braid
Bare skin attached to every part of me
A touch of intimacy it feels like it’s been decades

The heat of another as we lay at rest
Feeling so at ease in his naked slumber
As long as I feel his chest against my breast
I could saw so many logs you’d call it lumber

A goodnights sleep curled up with me in warmth
Only our body heat keeping us at rest
Breaths exchanged back and forth
With no thoughts of ever getting dressed

With only this naked being protected me
His hearts beat lulling me to sleep
Someday it will happen but now it’s a dream
Of skin on skin and sleeping deep

Jumping In The Deep End Of The Ocean

I finally did it last night. I have been talking about it for months but I finally just bit the bullet and did it;  I went back online to a dating site. I went fishing once before and I found some ok guys but this time instead of throwing my handline into the waters I’m jumping in. 

 I am already not liking it to be perfectly honest. There is a list of the men who have checked me out and not commented, winked, liked, thumbs up me etc.(what ever it is). Sadly, that number of men who don’t like me way out number the men who have responded.  I wish I could decide if I do or don’t want to know who has looked at me and have the option to not see.  It’s almost as if some man were to pass you on the street and check you out. Then walk up to you and say, “I just checked you out and I’m just not that into you”, then walk away.  I don’t need to know which guys are not into me. Just like they don’t need to know I wasn’t into them. 

I also don’t like that they can tell I’ve been looking at their profile.  I don’t want every perfect stranger that I check out to know I was checking them out.  If I was checking them out on the street I would be so sly about it they wouldn’t even know. Hell, even the date I was on wouldn’t even know (it’s all about the shades). But online, it’s like a damn banner Accross your head, “THIS WOMAN HAS CHECKED YOU OUT 7 TIMES AND SHE STILL HASN’T LIKED YOU”. 

See that’s my problem too. I bounce around a lot. So, I go back and forth between profiles and read different things; so, I’m sure it looks like I’m stalking them. I need to learn to just read an entire profile before I move on. Then before I move on I need to decide do I like them or not?

I guess I have not decided if I am feeling good yet about my decision to try online dating again. But, I’m committed for 6 months at least so we will see what happens. If I didn’t see it finally happen for most of my friends I wouldn’t even try, but it has.  So, here I go I’m jumping into the deep end of the ocean, head first! I hear that’s where all the good fish are. 

What’s A Few Teeth Between Friends

Before reading this you must first read my last post, ” What Do You Need? | Funny Girl LoLa“. 

Today I actually did the deed.  I left work early to go pick up my nieces disgusting school supplies, Human Teeth!  I walked into the dentists office,  which smelled just like every other dental office I have ever been in.  Instantly I felt ill at ease and nervous. I hate going to the dentist. I would rather have a gynecological procedure then get a routine cleaning at the dentist. I quickly walked up to the front desk and waited for the woman behind the pristinely clean glass partition.  

“Hi, can I help you?” She asked. 

“Mmm yeah, I have been unhappily tasked with the responsibility of retreaving strange people’s unwanted teeth for a school prodect” i stop and take a deep breath. 

Chuckling, the woman responds, “oh of course.  We were expecting you.  I don’t blame you, that’s why we put them in. Bag for you”. 

Another lady comes running up from behind and says urgently, “what ever you do don’t look in the bag! And if you get pulled over by a cop  just “be chill honey bunny”. 

I started cracking up so hard. “I don’t even want to try and explain this to a cop” I said as she handed me a sweet little white paper bag with handles through the open glass window.

I thanked both the nice ladies and walked out of the office. I actually couldn’t wait to get out, just the smell was innerving me. Once outside I was a bit ill at ease still.  A little worse for wear because now I was armed with a bag of teeth. As I walked to my car I could hear the sound of teeth clacking around. It was making the hairs on the back of my teeth stand up. 
Of course I did what they told me not to; wouldn’t  you? I took a deep breath, looked in the bag and saw a plastic specimen bottle with a lid.  You know like the ones you pee in at the doctors ? I was so disgusted and yet I knew it wasn’t going to have spiders Jump out at me if I open the container to get a better look. So, of course that is exactly what I did and  this is what I saw.  


Are these horse teeth? The damn things are huge!  

Just another Fun filled day in LoLa-Land

What Do You Need?

As per usual, in LoLa-Land days, this one was just as odd as all the rest.  I was sitting at work minding my own business when I suddenly received a text from my Neice. 

“Auntie LoLa can you stop at the dentist by your work and pick me up some teeth” she asked?

“Don’t you have enough” I asked her , totally assuming she’s kidding and has some punchline coming. 

“It’s for a school project” she replied. 

“Oh my god I think she’s serious”, Was all I kept thinking. “Dosen’t your mom have your baby teeth” I ask?  Of course I knowfull well my sister keeps all of her kids things. I could see her keeping something gross like her kids lost teeth. Still spinning about my sister and everything she holds onto I was left unprepared for my nieces next text, 

“They have to be fresh teeth”. 

Oh man is she for real right now?  Am I being asked to transport a plethora of random strangers teeth to my Neice? Is this a Auntie responsibility? Is there some “Auntie” handbook I can refer to? I want to see if handling strangers castoff body parts is part of my “auntie” duty? 

Then I wondered, what if she’s really joining some kind of cult and has to have human parts for some sort of devil worshiping ceremony? With teenagers it’s always wise to weigh every scenario in your head before you agree to anything because you never know what you’re getting yourself into.  Hell, these could be back market teeth that I could get killed over.  GThey say John Lennens tooth was auctioned off for $30,000 and it had a cavity in it.)Then I think, maybe I’m watching too much CSI.  Here’s what I do know, I’m not prepared to die over some kids “school project”. 

“Please” she texts me again. (Damn she’s even being nice). 

My mind is still swimming; What kind of school project involves having kids beg for strange people’s cast off chompers? And really how fresh can they be if they aren’t still attached to someone’s jaw? But of course, I responded with the usual, 

“ok, but don’t make me a necklace out of them or anything, because I won’t wear it!”

More on this to follow. 

Should I include photos? 

Just a another jaw dropping day in LoLa-Land 

Previous Older Entries

Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan