Your Path

I’m taking this journey alone
Because it is mine and mine alone to take
It is a personal persuit for each has their own
Yours is not the choice I might make

I’m following my own voice to my needs
It may effect you but it’s not about you
You can keep on with your begging and pleads
I will still forge ahead and do what I want to do

Maybe the best thing for you is focus
On you, instead someone else or me
Clarity in the end may be your bonus
As your intentions towards self, help you see

As much as I’d love to have you join in
Stand beside me onthis weary path I’ve chosen
There can only be one on a path of self wisdom
For my search of knowledge; to you, may already be known

Christmas With Martha

I have a friend (we will call her Martha) who is just like Martha Stewart (of course besides the prison time). My friend is maybe not the best chef in the world but she’s the best damn hostess you will ever meet and excels in decorating. This is why I call her Martha. 

Now at Christmas time last year (a week or three ago) she invited all of main girls over to her house with our families to string popcorn.  Now, you know me, I am always down for something new and I have never strung popcorn before.  

I went to the gathering with one other single childless woman and we along with two other woman who came with munchkins started stringing popcorn around a kitchen table.  The munchkins had long since given up. They were gone At the first sign of tears and blood which for some was their first attempt at piercing the poppedcorn with a needle; the kids were over it. 

For us ladies it was like a sewing circle but with corn instead of material.  It was actually quite difficult to string popcorn. You have to have just the right piece to make it work.  Or It breaks in your hand or your pierce your finger with the needle. It kind of sucked but I did it!! I strung about 6 feet of corn on to string and then turned to Martha and said  “here you go honey! Put it on your treel!” 

She was horrified! Now what I failed to mention earlier when I said she was like Martha, was just how into this shit she is.  When I walked into her home I was greeted instantly with a winter wonder land. I could see garland upon Garland strung from every handrail. The scent of cinnamon filled the air. Wreaths hung in every corner and a tree in every room.  Each tree in every room had prizes and ornaments that were color coordinated and it was all in some sort of Christmas fashion. There was the silver and blue room. There was the brown and gold room. And there was the red, gold and green room. 

So imagine her absolute horror when I asked her to add my ugly homemade popcorn strand to one of her meticulously adorned trees?! (It was fricken hysterical!)

“Well honey I figured you all could take them home with you and put them on your trees” she replied through gritted teeth. 

I knew that she would of course say something to this effect so I was already with a quick comeback that would throw her a huge curveball. “Now Martha, you have been so kind as to invite us over and make all this poppedcorn and purchased these evil blood sucking needles and thread; and You have three trees, let us decorate them with our love and blood. It’s the least we can do”. I say with a huge smile. 

The whole room goes silent and mind you there were close to 20 people in the room.  Both her college age children who grew up with her OCD tendencies and everyone else  were waiting on baited breath to see what her response would be.  

Our other friends started to chime in, “yeah Martha they will just get crunched in our purse’s on the way home”. Or my other single friend said, “I don’t even have a tree”!  

Which of course lead me to “what’s Tracy supposed to do with hers if she’s got no tree”( suddenly I was Greek)?

Martha stood there in the room frozen. I knew she was facing her worst nightmare      . It was the struggle between her OCD habits and not wanting anyone to come close to her perfect trees; Yet, also wanting to be the perfect hostess. 

” ok ok ” she yielded and I am sure it almost killed her to even say that. ” you can leave it here and I will add it to the tree”. 

“Oh no you won’t Martha! I know you” I protested. 

Her kids finally started in on her  too,” come on mom!  Let them put it on the tree”! Martha looked at their excited Eyes and then looked at me for Mercy and I mouthed “let it go” and gave her a huge smile. 

“Fine hang them up! I don’t care!”she said sadly. Acting as if she never really minded. So her girls took it upon themselves to make it looks as bad as possible and even making it into a happy face on the front of the tree. It was pretty funny we all got a great laugh. Martha looked sick to her stomach. 

I said to her man “I want a text from you when she takes it down.  I suspect it will be ten minutes after I leave”.  

She called me two days later and left me a message on my voicemail,” hey LoLa I just wanted to let you know your god awedul popcorn strand is still on my fucking tree!” And hung up. I laughed so hard. I love her. 

Just some more fun times in LoLa land 

Beating Him To The Punch

I didn’t want to go around and around again with you
It’s a certain weird kind of drama I think you get off on
It doesn’t matter what I say or if my feelings are pure
You have the same conversation multiple times until I’m wrong

In your eyes

You pushed a nerve in me as You knew you would
Standing me up yet again for that particulal woman
It’s never about would or could with you, but if you should
Not dying alone is worse then experiencing your freedom

In closed eyes 

As soon as you said you weren’t coming I knew
You probably reached for her right away
You get scared, you run to an ex, it’s what you do
But, her agenda will make yours sway

In my eyes

I am just beating you to the punch by being gone
It was only a matter of time before she squashed us
I just don’t need the drama that you got going on
I’m hope you can figure out how to be alone and to trust

In anyone’s eyes

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan