I’ve been very alone since the new year started. I know it’s a trend in my life because I am so often times unbelievably busy the first quarter of the year and I tend to loose sight of what’s going on with those around me. But, I am now coming out from the death grip that work has had on me and I’m looking around and no one is here. All of my friends have partnered up with someone And they seem to be just not that available.
Normally, in the past this feeing of being alone has frietened me into a panic stricken state of worry and wondering, “oh my god is this loneliness! What if I become lonely? What if I remain all alone!?” And yet this year I am not upset at all. I realize that loneliness is a state of mind not a state of being. I realize that I love my alone time. I love even more not having to work while I’m having my alone time. I don’t fear the length of time between visits with friends and lovers. I am just as excited to lay on my bed sideways and play solitaire as I am To go have dinner with a friend.
The only thing I tend to worry about now with regards to my being alone; is, what if I become so used to being alone I can’t at some point handle someone else in my space? I don’t want to become one of those woman who are so set in their ways that they can’t budge just a bit to accommodate someone else. I know these are premature fears for me to have; as I have only truly been single a few years. For me to worry about such things is a futile waste of my time and harmful to this body I’m in. Why stress about something now when it may cause me stress again later? Why not just deal with that when And if I need to?
Just another self-perspective evening in LoLa-Land