lesbian Bunko

Last nights Bunko brought to the group a new player. I have never met this woman before, she was a neighbor of the woman who was hosting. I have to say she fit right in with us and our drunken deb-ochery. But, there was this one point when she started to trip me out a bit.
She turned to me and asked me, “are you a lesbian?”
“Umm no” I answered confused
“I love lesbians” she replied, “I wish I was a lesbian”.
“Aren’t you married?” I asked her.
“Yeah, but I still wish I was a lesbian” she answered.
“Do you want to eat pussy” I asked her really interested in where she was going with this.
“No, Not really” she responded
“Do you wish you could make out with woman” I asked trying to get to the bottom of what she was saying.
“No. I did plenty of that in college” she answered as she got a far off look in her face. “No, I just think it would be cool to be a lesbian”.

I looked at her for a few minutes wondering why I was having a hard time following her. I knew I was drunk but I felt like cognitively I was still aware of the conversation and it just was not adding up to me.

“Umm, ok, look” I said, ” something is just not adding up you say you want to be a lesbian but your not really attracted to woman?”
She nods her head yes and says to me
“I just want to have that close friend that I can talk to, like woman do, and be able to sleep with them too”.

That is when it all clicked with me and I finally understood what she was saying in her drunken state.
“Oh I get it now” I say almost excitingly, “you don’t really want to be a lesbian. You are just lonely in your marriage and need some close bonding with someone you can communicate with both mentally and physically and you think you need a woman for that because you haven’t found it in your man?”

She just stared at me
“Wow LoLa, that was spot on. I thought you were drunk?” She asked me.
“Oh I am, but I still got it!” I answered and we laughed.
When I think back on the conversation now I feel sad for her. I feel like she is just desperately looking for that missing piece to her marriage and she’s not looking for it within her marriage. I wish her well I hope she finds what she is missing in her husband.

Just another day in LoLa-Land

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Morning After Bunco

Last night was another night of drunken debauchery  with my bunco ladies.  You would think after 7 years of playing bunco that I would have the sense not to over-eat or over-drink.  I think it has something to do with the fact that I get so inebriated that I tend to forget about any willpower I may need to NOT eat everything in sight.  My escapade in self torture and gluttony always lead to a “Morning After” that has me sick as a dog.  A headache from the excessive alcohol abuse and the feeling of wanting to vomit.   I usually foresee spending the better part of my day on the toilet.

Then I start the mental beat down, “Why?!! Why did you eat so much? Did you have to eat six brownies?  Did you have to have those last three shots?”  I sit for hours wondering what is wrong with me?  Why do I forget about all of my diet rules when I am at bunco?  It’s like I’m some kid in a candy store and I have $50.00 burning hole in my pocket.  I become obsessed with making sure I have sampled every fluid or solid that’s available, no matter what the consequences may be on my stomach or on my thighs.

As if the annihilation of self is not good enough, I then have to deflect my behavior on my friends.  It is suddenly their demon like behavior that brought such fat causing, vomit inducing items into my life.  ” I would never have eaten so badly if she didn’t make such amazing pastries!” or “well if she would stop bringing the cheesy garlic bread… then maybe I wouldn’t have to eat it!”  Because it so much easier to believe that my neurotic acts of over consumption are some how somebody else s fault.  Of course my friends don’t mind that I blame them for my misuse of their baked goods, because I don’t tell them about their fault in it all.  I just stay angry and bitter with them from a far and I don’t have to worry about them calling me out as the Whore for the Buffet that I am.

 

Oh well it’s just another day in LoLa-Land

Love of peers

knives stabbing at broken chests
one persons pain affects the rest

hearts pressed with suffering pain
all life’s hopes seem down the drain

freakish laughter between the tears
needing guidance from your peers

exhales of sorrow fog the air
everyone feels it, everyone cares

sympathetic nods, hugs and kisses
pats on the back, winks and well wishes

love for the sad ones and hope for their future
helping each other to see the big picture

support is abundant, love is abound
helping one another when their around

Sisters in friendship not in blood
Supporters to the end, that is love.

Bunko Abuse!

I was physically assaulted at Bunko last night,  It was horrible!  You have to understand that when it comes to Bunko,  I have this amazing Ju-Ju breaking ability.  When someone who is playing against me and is “on a roll”  and they keep getting point after point; I can simply reach over and stroke their arm in just a way, and cause them to lose their “Roll”.  And I never know when I will feel like imposing my “Kiss of roll death” on someone.  Sometimes I won’t touch anyone.  Sometimes, I let people get to 30 points in one roll before I get fed up and stop the madness.  Or if I am being really mean I will touch someone after about 4 points gained. 
Well last night we had 2 alternates, which are woman who don’t normally play with us monthly but are filling in for two regulars who can’t play.  One  feisty alternate starts and she is on a roll.  She gets to 9 points gained and I reach over and stroke her arm, ever so gently, like I do.  I was amazingly calm and stealth about the entire motion, I am just cool like that.  ( A hahahah)  It was all very Zen for me, as I rubbed her and then BAM!!!  The Bitch Slapped my arm, hard!  Causing my arm to slam down on the edge of the table.  I yelped in pain and brought my arm up to my chest to coddle it like some sort of  beaten down kitten,”Hey that’s my rolling arm!” I exclaim in my over, animated, undeserved, shocked response.
She then turns to me and says, “I remember you, you are the Moe Joe Killer!  You keep your hands off of me or I will slap you again!” 
I could do the only thing that I knew how to do at that moment, I laughed.  I laughed my ass off.  I was cracking up so hard I was getting sharp pains in my chest.  I couldn’t believe that I have a rep, I am apparently known around these parts as the Mo Jo Reaper.  Even funnier was my oldest  friends reaction when she saw this woman hit me.  She got wide-eyed and dismayed and started to sputter, “You just hit LoLa!?” She looks at me, looks at her, then looks at me, like 10 times.
“You just hit LoLa” she repeats herself obviously in shock still. ” No one hits LoLa!”  I almost pee’d myself,  she looked like she was amazed I hadn’t jumped out of my chair and drop kicked this perfectly reasonable and justified woman for hitting me.

Bunko Brain

I have just coined a new term, “Bunko Brain”.  Bunko Brain is a certain minefield that you want to try avoiding simply being a visitor of.  It is always best to completely submerge yourself into a “Bunko Brain” rather than skip around it as a willing bystander.  And this is usually because being around 12  “Bunko Brain” woman for a long evening can feel much like being the keeper at the zoo.  “Bunko Brain” consists of a number of different factors, you have the elements of 12 different women all in different stages of their lives.  Each of them dealing with their own drama’s, hard ache, joys and challenges at the same time.  Each of them having different feelings about even being at Bunko and being with all the other woman.  You then need large sums of alcohol to help mix the remaining ingredients. Which are a  couple of menstrual cycles, good food, prescription drugs and then make sure there are no kids.  All of these things mixed together preclude the “Bunko Brain”.

The “Bunko Brain” is a very fascinating and humorous thing.  It is amazing just how the “Bunko Brain” works or rather doesn’t work.  Crazy things tend to happen when your mind becomes clouded with the Bunko toxins.   Woman of all ages will revert back to their youth performing silly rituals that are only familiar to frat boys.  A prime example of this would be the  “Bunko Fire Drill”.  The Fire Drill is when one unsuspecting Bunko Babe will go to the bathroom and the rest of the ladies jump up from their various seats and run away.  It is quite a sight to see I am sure. When there is a mass exudes of woman stampeding through someones front door and hurling their bodies behind various front yard bushes.  All in hopes of not being caught by the totally unaware  “Bunko Brain” in the bathroom.  And then we wait.  We sit outside (usually) laying in wet grass laughing our ass’s off and trying not to pee our pants, all the while trying to figure out which of the woman we are even playing this game on.  Then we hear the poor bathroom beauty open the door and yell, “YOU GUYS?!  Again!!!”

Or there are the random acts practical jokes that come with each new months Bunko.  Things like changing every single clock in one womans house to different times.  Steeling someones shoes for a month in hopes of taking random pictures of them in different settings around town.  Or leaving greasy butt prints on sliding glass doors for unsuspecting husbands. 

Basic house cleaning maintenance that is normally not difficult to perform especially for most of the Bunko woman, become increasingly difficult.  Things will be spilled and it will take  3 woman 30 minutes to figure out how to clean it up.  Or heating up bread in the oven becomes a fire hazard when the person suffering from “Bunko Brain”   forgets to take the plastic off the bread first.  Ash trays are accidentally mistaken for glasses of wine.  Or there is the chip and dip issue, you keep dipping broken chips into an almost empty jar of dip, and you chip keeps coming up empty, but you have dip all over the outside of your hand.  It still never occurs to you that you could simply spoon some dip out on to a plate and reach a better chip to dip ratio?

 This is the bunko brain and it’s  fun, it’s a fun, fun thing.

some items to make "Bunko Brain"