Another Speeding Ticket

Damn!  I got another ticket tonight and to make matters worse than just the guilty  nervous feeling you get when the bright lights shine into your eyes and you start to see color everywhere is, being 5 mins from home after a two hour drive.  But, even worse than that, is getting pulled over with your dad as the passenger sitting next to you.  

Now normally when I get pulled over I try everything to get out of it!  I have managed to talk my way out of 4 or 5 tickets and one cop was a woman.  I have cried, flirted,  twirled my hair and acted cute.  Hell one time, I just went on and on and on about what I was going through, until the cop was basically pushing my license back in my face and begging me to go.   So, if I didn’t have my dad in the car the event would have gone down like this.  

I would have pulled over, licked my lips, fluffed my hair, pulled down my shirt in a matter of a minute.  Then I would have leaned a little bit in towards the window so the cop could get just enough of a peak of my breasts,  to make him a bit silly in the head.  (Normally I am above this kind of sexual flirtation just to get something.  But when it comes to getting my ass out of trouble….  I am going to pull out all the tools in my bag, or my shirt for that matter)  Then I would have told him my sob story of my long drive and “it’s so late and I am just trying to get home to my warm bed.” Or “I’m so sorry officer but I have been on the road for so long and I need to pee so bad…” (Though the pee argument didn’t work the time I tried it before, I would still try it again.)

But, because my dad was in the car my demeanor stayed the same, and the incident went something like this,

“Evening officer what’s the problem?”

Cute Cop – “Well the fact that you were going 72 in a 65 mph zone for one.”

(Here’s where I would normally look startled and bat my eyelashes)

“Really?” I respond shocked

(My dad let’s out a snort, as he, I am sure was responding to my out and out lie.  Since he had just heard me say, “Shit!  I’m getting pulled over!  Shit!  I was speeding!”  as I was pulling over)

Kind of cute Cop – “Yes, You were, can I have your license and registration please?”

I start to pull out all the necessary documents and hand them to him.

” Was I really going that fast?  I was going the same speed as the car in front of me…”

Persistent not working with me,  Cop – “Ms. at first you were going 72 and then I clocked you at 78”. 

I ask “Are you sure your Radar Gun is Calibrated correctly?”

Not so fun cop- “I calibrate it every morning and send it in every three years for testing and maintenance” he says, seeming pleased with his speech. “Give me five minutes and I will give your speeding violation.”

“Do you have too?” I reply very sweetly

(I was trying right?  Then my dad blows the whole thing and starts cracking up.)

 The not so cute cop says, “yes”  smiles and walks away.

“DAD!!! Thanks a lot! ” 

 

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Traffic complaints!

I hate traffic with a passion!  I feel like my electric magnetic energy is being forced to stay within the confines of the moving metal contraption I am sitting in.  And all I ever want to do when a car I am in is not moving, is get the hell out of it!  I feel like Michael Douglas in Falling Down.  I want to literally get out of my Non-moving-Moveable torture device and walk the rest of the way.  And now that I run a bit, I see how far I don’t go in traffic. And how long it can take me to go the few feet I do go,  I realize I could run there faster!  This is when I become even more angry.

Don’t get me started on the cars that have to always leave 4 to 5 car lengths between the car in front of them at all times.  IN STOP AND GO TRAFFIC? REALLY?  I get behind these polite idiots and want to literally run them off the road as I watch car, after car, after car pulling in front of them from the slow lane.  This is why I think the slow lane that has a lane merging into it always goes faster than the fast lane.  There is always some really sweet dip-shit letting all the cars in ahead of them.  literally causing the fast lane to come to a complete stop!  What is that?

Then there are the TAPPERS!  I hate the tappers.  These are the people who drive with one foot on the accelerator and one foot on the brake.  Their brake lights go off like every 30 seconds for about 1 second.  Just long enough to make you wonder what is going on up ahead in traffic.  It takes me awhile to realize I am behind a tapper, but once I do, I have to get out from behind them ASAP.  Or I will start to ignore the braking and end up slamming into them when they actually brake for real.

Sorry I just needed to rant for yet another minute.

The Bird

There were a whole lot of birds flying on the roads today and I don’t mean the live ones.  Birds were flying through windows and out the other side and there were no wings involved.  I was even assaulted by one myself.  I was trying desperately to merge onto the local freeway this evening and this chick in a Jetta WOULD Not let me on.  Then when I finally merge and of course passed her on her left and she is was flipping me off.  I had to laugh, how did she know I was number one?  But seriously, I had no idea why I deserved the finger?  What was I doing wrong?  Was it merly my action of trying to merge that was pissing her off so bad she felt the need to try to insult me?  Then when I got home I saw that my friend had a similar experience.  She had some chick share a lane with her and flip her off for honking.  And when they ended up side by side, the lady yells at my friend, “Fuck you!”   My friend said she looked so bitter that all my friend could do was laugh at her.  Which I guess was very confusing for this irate woman.  What is up?  Why are birds flying ramped around the highways? Why are people so bitter?  Or is it just the woman?

Just another day in LoLa-Land

Chicks and Cars – Lesson #235 Water and Headlights

I was recently in a small car accident.  No big deal really as far as car accidents go.  It only took me a couple of days to feel normal again.  But, my poor minivan that I drove in to a ditch which has been in need of some serious TLC lately had to be sent to the Auto DR. and get herself a complete over hall.  When I went to pick up my both hated and loved ride,  I was notified of something that I had no idea about before.  Apparently, it is not good to have water in your head lights.  Now, I am sure if you are a man you are probably thinking, “DUH”.  But, sense I have absolutely no interest or knowledge of cars I had no idea that this was a bad thing.  For years I have had water in my headlights.  In fact my mechanic said that I could have actually housed some small fish inside my headlights if I wanted to, there was that much water.  I guess the metal behind the light is the reflective surface that the light shines off of and that is what makes your lights brighter.  When the metal gets wet it rusts and then your lights won’t work as well, It all makes perfect sense to me now.   It never seemed to make much since to me why I had water in my lights.  But they still worked, so: what did I care.  I guess I just didn’t realize the degree’s “Of working” there is in cars.  Because, Only one light was working and that one was barely bright at all.  And this ladies and gentlemen is why my poor minivan went off roading in the first place.  I had no idea where the road went.

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan