Skin on Skin

Skin on skin is what I’m missing
That soft velvet touch against mine
I don’t even need any hardcore kissing
some simple touching would be sublime

I yearn for the feeing of another body
Twisting around me like a long braid
Bare skin attached to every part of me
A touch of intimacy it feels like it’s been decades

The heat of another as we lay at rest
Feeling so at ease in his naked slumber
As long as I feel his chest against my breast
I could saw so many logs you’d call it lumber

A goodnights sleep curled up with me in warmth
Only our body heat keeping us at rest
Breaths exchanged back and forth
With no thoughts of ever getting dressed

With only this naked being protected me
His hearts beat lulling me to sleep
Someday it will happen but now it’s a dream
Of skin on skin and sleeping deep


Reality or Cartoon 

Last night I dreamt I was making love to someone I know well and right as I was orgasming, I leaned in to the nape of his neck and I whispered very honestly for the first time, “I love you”. Suddenly,  I felt his entire body stiffen up like An ironing board.  I started to back peddle because I knew he was about to freak out and I started to say, “I meant…”  

But, just then, my dream suddenly turned into a cartoon and my love was suddenly the roadrunner. One second he was next to me in bed and then the next  all I saw was a cloud of dust and then I heard the “beep, beep” sound. 

I never remember my dreams but this one woke me up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding and jumping out of beat all over the place. I had to sit up and try and get my breathing  in order for like five minutes before my heart finally settled down.  I’ve always known that if I ever did fall in love this man would run like the wind. I’m not sure why my mind felt the need to remind me. But, it sure was funny the way it did. I think when I woke I was so panicked because maybe I thought someone shoved some TNT in my ass or ANVIL was about to drop on my head. ūüėČ

Just another telling night in LoLa-Land

Some Extra Time

I just want to stay in bed and sleep
With my pillows and my silky sheets

I want curl up inside my warm comforter
Close the window let the outside noise go unheard

I prefer to keep the light real low
Or use the brightness of a fires glow

I would like to burn a candle and take a bath
Consider where I am and visualize my path

Can I just leave my pjs on all day
Lay in comfort as hours fade away

I would love to not answer my phone
And Watch romance movies set in Rome

Can someone just drop some food at my door
I will give you the money if you’d go to the store

I would love to barricade myself and not be seen
I would stay in bed and get nothing cleaned

Wouldn’t it be lovely to just have some extra time
I hope before retirement this dream becomes mine

Eat At Your Own Risk

My man and I have come up with a brilliant restaurant idea and we are thinking about making it a reality. We are going to quit our jobs, sell all of our used Rollerblade equipment and cassette tapes and we are going to start our very own enterprise. That’s exactly what it will be to when word of what we are making gets out. People are going to come from miles away (maybe like 2) to see what we got dished up. We are going to open a restaurant called “omelets always” or ‚ÄúAlways an omelet”, we are still working on the name. (It‚Äôs a tough one)
The basic principal is in the name. We will make ANYTHING YOU WANT. We will cook it ANYWAY YOU WANT IT, but whatever it is, it will be encased in an omelet. That’s right ANYTHING! You want eggs with bacon and toast? Fine, not a problem, Hell we will even make you Sunny-side up eggs and cut your toast to look like a heart. But then the entire master piece is all going into an omelet.
You want pizza? That’s fine we will make it to order, thick or thin crust and then it will be laid to quickly cook in an egg bed. You want a hamburger? We will fry you up the juiciest patty and even toast your buns, but when you get that burger in front of you it will look like the fattest omelet you have ever seen.
Tacos are tricky because the tortilla tends to soak up to much egg yolk, during the test runs we lost 1, 2 or 7 people do to salmonella poisoning. But we improved our technique and feel confident that soon we will master the Taco, so no one else dies. Of course until such time please make sure to sign the waiver precluding us of any responsibilities. Remember ‚Äúyou eat at your own risk”.
Now there are just two questions I need to ask you, ‚ÄúWhat do you want in your omelet? And do you want me to add some Velveeta?‚ÄĚ
Look for us soon in strip malls near you

Up before The Dawn

I was up before the dawn
Thinking about all that’s been going on

I was thinking about work
I was stressing so much my head hurt

I was remembering past loves
The ones I don’t hear very much of

I was tired when I awoke
I was done-for before I even spoke

I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t think
I stood for ten minutes in front of the sink

I drove to work with out getting dressed
I was still in my work out clothes, all stained and distressed

I forgot about my dog
I swear my head was in a constant fog

I ended up leaving work early
Only by seven hours, but who’s counting?

I am going to go to bed again
Hopefully I will awake when My day is SUPPOSED to begin

Single fears.

I sleep horribly these days. I feel like I toss and turn all night. It takes me forever to get to sleep and then I wake up from various reasons. I have had allergies, dogs, kids playing, trucks backing up, all wake me up. But mostly it’s my stress and thoughts that wake me up in the early morning hours.
I think it’s work stress for the most part. I worry about my financial stability all the time. I have no one to depend on for financial support. Not that I should, I am an adult.
I need to be responsible for my own life, I know, I get it. Ever since the wasband and I split I have had the cold realization that there is no more buffer between me and the “fit hitting the Shan”.
Big Red was woken up a lot by my tossing and turning. He would say I would moan or whimper like I was really upset about something. He would have to grab me up in his arms and hold on tight to me until I calmed down. I of course had no idea this was happening to me as I slept. I just know that I would and still do wake up with bags under my eyes, wether I sleep a long time or not.

Oh well I am hoping that I get used to my new situation. I hope I can gain the trust I need deep down, to know that everything will always work out. I know deep down that I will be just fine. Now it’s a matter of letting my sub conscious know it.

Oh well just another Night in LoLa land!

Ex Dream

I had the weirdest dream about my ex last night (or rather this morning). I dreamt he was at my work for some reason. So, I tried to stay clear of him. But he seemed to be everywhere I needed to go. I was getting really irritated I just couldn’t have my space. At one point I walked into my office and my entire staff was standing near the door all talking work, like nothing was going on. Like they didn’t see him at all and he was standing in the alcove behind my desk full on making out with some really skinny bleached blond.
At this point I was done with him being in my space. I charged through the crowd of co-workers and kind of pushed / nudged them to get their attention. At the same time I started yelling, ” really!? Do you need to throw it in my face that you met someone else! Get the fuck out of here!”
They stopped kissing while I was yelling and looked at me and I was so takin back by what I saw, that I actually stopped yelling and took a step back.
The bleached blonde was probably the ugliest woman I have ever seen in my life. She looked like a crack head who hadn’t been to the dentist in 29 years. Her nose was huge, her cheeks were gaunt, she looked like she had no idea what food was. I was actually repulsed that he would put his lips on her.
Even more disturbing than her, was my ex. He looked at me and I could barley recognize him. He had two mustaches. One was a normal one and one was long a curly and they both sat across his nose instead of under it. I don’t know how he could see past the hair? If I didn’t know the leather coat he had on. I probably wouldn’t have recognized him. I was scared by what I saw he looked like an animal almost.
I woke up right then, feeling really freaked out.
I’m going to have to analyze this one a bit.
Here is what I think some of it means.
Him being at my work and in my space was a reflection of feeling like he was suffocating me by just always being in my space.
I think the mustache is evident of a number of things, That he put on a mask with me, he couldn’t see what he really had.
He hurt me and let go of me because he couldn’t see my love for him.
He was putting on a facade with me and this person i saw in my dream was the real big red?
I don’t know?
Dreams are a trip.

They Can Come True

You dreamed a dream all those years ago
You said it changed your view
You had a premonition and let it go
There was no way it could come true

Things have changed and time has passed
All obstacles making it impossible are gone
Your chance is here, it’s time at last
Could making your dream come true, be wrong

You must take that leap
Throw caution to the wind
Go for what you seek
It’s your dreams you may just win

Most fairy tales don’t come true
Most loves don’t last forever
These are the lies we wish we knew
Before we make the endeavor

You can never tell which way to go
You can never be sure which path to take
But if you never try, you’ll never know
it’s just your future may be at stake

You can never win if you don’t try
You will never know the truth
Whats meant to be can’t be denied
Your destiny your only proof

Weird Dreams

I remembered my dreams last night.¬† I never remember my dreams.¬† There were two in particular that stuck with me.¬† The dreams ¬†seemed so incredibly real, that I was still dealing with the emotional fallout when I woke up.¬† In one dream I was at some gathering with my Ex Boyfriend and we were talking as friends.¬† But, all night there was a bantering and flirting between us.¬† We kept rallying an “almost kiss” ¬†back and forth.¬† One of us looking at the other with that “I’m going to get you” look, while the other would back away.¬† Finally it was me who did the full lunge for a kiss and he backed way back and whispered, “I’m still with her”.¬† I instantly recoiled and then the dream ended.¬† I remember feeling a bit sad¬† and confused when I woke up.¬†¬† I didn’t know why¬†I would dream of him suddenly?¬† I didn’t know why I would want a kiss?¬† Ultimately¬†I¬†think it had less to do with either of those issues; but rather the issue of never being available.¬†¬† When he whispered what he said I was more frustrated then before, that was the trigger moment in my dream.¬†¬† When we were together I never felt like he gave us a real chance.

The second dream had to do with my brother, who is handicapped and living in a home.¬† I dreamt that he was locked in a bathroom that had piles of shit and piss all over the floor, and he was stuck on the toilet in the middle of it all.¬† It looked much like his room at the care facility he lives in.¬†¬†The room was narrow with a TV, cupboards and a window at the end.¬† I was very upset to see this and instantly became enraged,¬† I said, “How long have you been in here?”

He replied, “I don’t know”

I ended up going into this entire wild goose chase trying to get a wheel chair from the, “suddenly” evil people who lived in the home.¬†¬† That process felt like it took forever, but I finally got the chair and was able to get him out of the nasty¬†bathroom.¬† I literally¬†was kicking piles of human¬†crap out of my way to get his wheelchair in the narrow room.¬† Finally I got him out of there and then my dream ended.¬† I felt very irritated about the situation.¬† I was disgusted for my brother and felt sorry for him aswell.¬† I was angry I¬†couldn’t¬†do more about the situation.¬† This dream is clear to me,¬† I feel like my brother has a shit life and it’s very hard for me to¬†do anything about it.

Waiting to stop waiting for life

Waiting for my life to start
Waiting for my heart to stop
Waiting for the hardest part
Just when will this bubble pop

Waiting for the sun to rise
Waiting for the laughter
Waiting for the hope in their eyes
To see what will come after

Waiting for the truth to come out
Waiting for what’s real
Waiting for a new route
To get us up this hill

Waiting for the waiting to end
waiting for the rest
Waiting for the change to begin
Hoping for the best

Waiting for the obvious choice
Waiting for clearest direction
Waiting here confident and poised
To see my own reflection

Waiting to stop waiting now
Waiting for the end or beginning
Waiting to get through some how
And Stop my mind from spinning

Waiting to stop this waiting for life
Waiting to acknowledge it some how
Waiting to feel excited and alive
Ready for it to start right now

Previous Older Entries

Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan