Brawny Man

I went out last night with a man I’ve been dating. He wanted to take me to meet his friends at Trivia night (which I am horrible at Trivia by the way).  I of course was dreading the trivia but fully enjoying the idea of meeting his friends.  The Brawny man ( I call him the Brawny Man because he looks just like the papaertowel guy) and I have been dating since mid December and had already hit a few rough patches.  We both have amazingly complex schedules, that never seem to align very easily.  Last night was the first time I had been able to spend any quality time with him since two weeks prior.  I was excited just to be able to see him. 

Last night,walked in to the bar and he immediately introduces me to the hostess for the evening and says to her, ” Claire this is Rah… I mean LoLa”. They both laughed and I was irritated. “Apparently, he’s getting me mixed up with his other girl” I said to Claire and then her and I giggled.  For some reason Brawny Man didn’t find it funny. 

So, we’re sitting at trivia hanging with his crew. A bunch of young good looking dudes all in their mid 20’s just taking off in life and Brawny Man is 47; myself, a whopping 43. I was having a great time being surrounded by all the smart, young, sexy guys in the room, feeling much like a mother Hubbard. Then one of them mentioned that it had been a month since they had played. They all concurred with him and patted themselves on the back to show in their manly way they missed each other; brawny man included.  All the while I stood there wondering where the fuck Brawny Man had been if he hadn’t been at Trivia the last four Thursday’s? Because, that is where he told me he was.

I laid low and said nothing. I know enough from my life lessons to check my facts before I freak.  We stopped to get gas on the way home and while he pumped I checked my text history with him and sure enough last Thursday he was going to Trivia and then coming to my house at 9. He showed up at my house At 10:30 but not before texting me that his group came in fifth place. All I was thinking was  “dude, he straight up lied to me”!  As I sat there burning up from the inside. 

He got back in the car and I say, “who did you play trivia with last week if they were all gone?” 

“I didn’t play Trivia last week” he replied

“Yes you did” I insisted 

“No” He insisted as well

“Then what did you do?” I asked him

“I don’t know why?” He asked me

Irritated at his avoidance “you told me you were at Trivia”. 

“No” he answered 

“Mmmmm yeah!  you said you were going to trivia and that you guys came in fifth and you were sitting around talking and that’s why you were so late coming over.”  I reiterated the text I had just reread.  

“Honestly, I don’t remember what I did sorry” was all he gave me. 

I was so pissed instead of asking him to spend the night I told him to drop me at my front gate.  I didn’t even want him to enter my complex. He drove away before I was even safe inside the gate which I felt was very ungentlemanly.  (A man should always make sure a woman is safe before he drives away, no matter how angry he may be) 

Later he told me he wasn’t going to make up excuses about something he doesn’t remember. That he probably went to a movie and dinner for some alone time because I was such a drain on his time off.  This message only further enraged me as I had seen him for all of four hours all of last week. The week before I saw him only two night, this week I was supposed to see him two nights.  Next week we only had two nights available as well. How on earth is that me taking up his time?.  Most woman I know expect a daily visit from their men and honestly aren’t we supposed to want to be with each other?

I was so mad all I could say or think were a bunch of rude snarky comments so I said, ” you lied last week about what you were doing even though you knew I was unavailable. Why would you even need to lie about going to a movie if you knew I couldn’t impose on precious alone time? This just doesn’t make any sense? Which tells me you’re lying again”.

In my gut I know there is something amiss here.   I don’t know if he’s with another woman or not; but, he is hiding something and I don’t have the care or energy to figure out what that may be. It’s obvious, He is just not the right man for me. 

Just Another Failed Relationship In LoLa – Land.  


Listening To My Gut 

I had a date with a man today that I was actually quite excited to meet.  We met online a week ago and we have been talking or rather texting this whole time. All of it has been good stuff. I found him to be charming, insightful, honest and polite. There were some negatives (as there always are) but the positives seemed to way out weigh the negatives about him. 

I thought we had made plans to meet in my town (which is about an hour away from his, one of the negatives) at noon.  We had talked a few times about how excited we were to meet one another. And yet I texted him at eleven this morning to see if he was on his way and he had no idea what I was talking about. He said when we had made the plans he was drunk and didn’t remember them. Yet, we had spoken several times since then and not once had he suggested a different time to meet up and even confirmed  seeing me today. 

Though he was sincerely apologetic, when I got off the phone with him, even  knowing he would be there to see me (just a few hours later then expected) I was irritated. And I wondered if my irritation was just some over exaggerated-female Anxt or if I had a true reason to be irritated. I was paused from any forward movement to get ready as I laid on my bed in deep contemplation about whether I should even go out with him or not. Why would I want to meet someone after they’ve pissed me  off? Won’t that only be setting them up for failure? I mean I would be walking into the date with a chip on my shoulder. Then he called…

“Hey, do you think we could reschedule to another day. It’s such a long drive and I have a lot of stuff to do still? Would that be ok?” He asked. 

Now anyone who knows me, knows I hate to be cancelled on; I think it is so disrespectful. So, I said, ” that’s fine.  I was actually thinking about calling you and cancelling myself. But, I don’t think we should reschedule”. 

“What? Why?” He asked. 

“I just don’t feel like meeting me is your priority. And being that this is the first date and your cancelling that doesn’t bow well for us” I replied. 

“But this is the first time we could see each other” he protested. 

“Yes I know!” I was polite yet firm, but I went on, “it strikes me as odd that you were cool with seeing me today and yet you apparently (since he couldn’t remember out plans) couldn’t even be bothered to set up a time to meet me. Not to mention knowing you would see me today why did you not do what I did and, make sure all of your stuff that you have to do was done before today?”  

There was a silence on his end, so I went on, “It just seems to me that if you were really interested in seeing me you would make an effort of some sort and you haven’t at all.  I’m looking for a man who wants to make an effort to see me or feels like it’s no effort at all. It’s just what he wants.” 

After another silence he said, ” wow. Ok then. I’m sorry. Goodbye”. 

I said goodbye aswell and we both calmly hung up. What stuck me enough to write about all of this is how proud I am for listening to my feelings. Knowing what didn’t few right to me inside and sticking to my guns enough to make myself feel better. If I had pretend to have been ok with a new date and rescheduled, I would have been so mad and it and at myself for letting him treat me like that. It would probably have Ben cancelled too. I just feel that if a man is into you he will make an effort.  It’s just time for a better class of men in my life and I’m not taking seconds or being anyone’s after thought anymore.  

Just another growth day in LoLa-Land 

Black Book Cell Phone

I realized the other day that my phone has become my little black book.  It has every number anyone has ever given me. It has all the facts about all the men I know. It tells me when they’re birthdays are and how reach them. I add notes and pictures to my contacts so when men contact me I know instantly who it is. I even inadvertently set up a audible messing system that works wonders for me at work.  

I have set ring tones for different people for different reasons. If someone I really love and consider family or a best friend messages or calls they get a special ring tone. That way when they text without even looking at my phone I know who it is and if I need to look at it right away. 

  If a man that I like texts me then I give him the whistle ring tone. So when I hear that sound of someone whistling at me,  I automatically get all excited and feel my energy level rise. I tend to look at those messages right away. 

When a man I don’t like or who has wronged me in some way send me a message I usually have changed their ring tone set to the barking dog sound. When I hear that sound I cringe and I feel dthe hairs on the back of my neck pop up.  I usually take my time reading those messages.  

There is one man I know who I feel is the king of all dogs.  Not because he has wronged me in any way but because I know of at least five woman he has slept with and I know he “gets around”. For him I have a special ring and that is the horn sound that they make before the dog and horse races. Because quite honestly I think is the keeper of all the dogs. 

Jumping In The Deep End Of The Ocean

I finally did it last night. I have been talking about it for months but I finally just bit the bullet and did it;  I went back online to a dating site. I went fishing once before and I found some ok guys but this time instead of throwing my handline into the waters I’m jumping in. 

 I am already not liking it to be perfectly honest. There is a list of the men who have checked me out and not commented, winked, liked, thumbs up me etc.(what ever it is). Sadly, that number of men who don’t like me way out number the men who have responded.  I wish I could decide if I do or don’t want to know who has looked at me and have the option to not see.  It’s almost as if some man were to pass you on the street and check you out. Then walk up to you and say, “I just checked you out and I’m just not that into you”, then walk away.  I don’t need to know which guys are not into me. Just like they don’t need to know I wasn’t into them. 

I also don’t like that they can tell I’ve been looking at their profile.  I don’t want every perfect stranger that I check out to know I was checking them out.  If I was checking them out on the street I would be so sly about it they wouldn’t even know. Hell, even the date I was on wouldn’t even know (it’s all about the shades). But online, it’s like a damn banner Accross your head, “THIS WOMAN HAS CHECKED YOU OUT 7 TIMES AND SHE STILL HASN’T LIKED YOU”. 

See that’s my problem too. I bounce around a lot. So, I go back and forth between profiles and read different things; so, I’m sure it looks like I’m stalking them. I need to learn to just read an entire profile before I move on. Then before I move on I need to decide do I like them or not?

I guess I have not decided if I am feeling good yet about my decision to try online dating again. But, I’m committed for 6 months at least so we will see what happens. If I didn’t see it finally happen for most of my friends I wouldn’t even try, but it has.  So, here I go I’m jumping into the deep end of the ocean, head first! I hear that’s where all the good fish are. 

Doing It Up Limo Style

My actual birthday this year fell on a very boring weekday. I of course took the day off (actually I took the week off, but I digress) so I could play.  You know me, I have to do something really cool on my actual birthday; so, I don’t get depressed. Yes, I know I just got back from Las Vegas but still had to do something on my a actual birthday. Right?

I love to go wine tasting and going up to wine country and wine tasting for free is so much fun, but someone always has to stay sober to drive home and that sucks for them. So, I thought to myself, “self,  wouldn’t it be fun this year for my actual birthday to rent a limo and go to the wine country for the day”?

One of my BFF’s and I were together when this idea came up and she instantly jumped on it (along with my “self”) and we started working it out.  Honestly she took care of everything for me. She lined up the limo, the times we would need it,  even the pick up locations. She was fantastic. She pretty much paid for it too! I put a shout out on Facebook to about 25 of my closest peeps, to see if anyone was willing to take the day off work and get drunk? 10 woman said yes to a limo wine tour.

In the end 6 of us played hookie and had a blast in the beautiful sweeping vineyards of Healdsburg and Geyserville California. It was a beautiful day. 

Again I was reminded that I am truly blessed with some of the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for.  They all paid for my lunch at Francis Ford Coppola’s restaurant, Rustic. It was so yummy, we all enjoyed ourselves immensely. 

Then it was off to several wineries where we proceeded to get more and more hammered. 

In the end I was a very bad girl and I mixed my alcohols… Again.  The consumption went something like this, secco, champagne, secco, champagne, red wine, white whine, champagne, red wine, more red wine, more champagne, two coma Cozzi drinks and one vodka and cranberry. Believe it of not; some how, I didn’t get sick?!  I did black out and I was still drunk the next morning but I didn’t  care I took that day off to. 

Just another fabulous birthday in LoLa-land

The Sunnyside Of Life

It’s September again.  Last years septembers theme was like this. 

Italy September 2015

If you’ve followed me long you know, it’s my birthday month.  (Yes I get the entire month).  I mean I share, but I celebrate for a month.  This years September theme is like this. 

 So, last weekend I went and stayed with five woman in Tahoe. (No it’s not Italy.  But in my world Italy is just not possible every year).  We were near  “Sunnyside” (of life) in Tahoma. 

Three of the woman are some of my main peeps. One woman I had met once before and one I had never met.  We split up all the Booze and food and all were responsible for something. Me, I got most of the booze. I got a Costco size of vodka and three flavored seltzer waters for the water and soda.  I also brought four bottles of red wine and one white. One of the other  woman brought three bottles of white wine and a small vodka. Yet still, The home owner purchased a large gallon vodka while we were there because we ran out of alcohol the last day. The six of us drank all of that plus some in three days. We were the most well fed lubricated group of  40 something year old woman any of these people have ever seen. 

We ate like kings with one woman busting out some homemade tamales,  with rice and beans. Another woman making barbequed chicken and Tri-tip, with fresh from her garden tomatoes andmozzarella chease and corn on the cob. For dessert everynight we munched on anything we could dip into our dark chocolate Fondu. Marshmallows, strawberries, pretzels, apples, graham crackers al of it is amazing in chocolate. 

I had to hug the trees as they called to me all day to touch them.  I found a friend who would hug them with me.   We discussed relationship Pubic hair, kids and men all weekend. I realized as we drove my car home, that I was again so very blessed to have the friends I have to allow me to enjoy such beautiful sites with such great laughs for free. 
 I had the best time on our trip.  But when we got home, I actually had to talk to my body Tuesday when I was back at work,to remind it that, “what you’re feeling is called sobriety. You will get accustomed to it soon just have some smoothie and get a grip”. 

This is just the start to the fun I will be having this month!  Stay tuned to find out more. 

Just another fun birthday month in LoLa-Land 

Gone LoLa

Yes things between us have changed
You were gone for far to long
You broke me for the last time being estranged
I thought you loved me more, I was wrong

Of course I’m not the same woman You left behind
When you left I was in love with you
I couldn’t imagine my world without you by my side
I was devestated you left for someone new

When we were together I just wanted Sunday’s in bed
More cuddle time all wrapped up together
Massages with feathers and sex on counters of glittery red
While not having to fear any upcoming

But you didn’t move away like you said
Changing jobs, homes, shoes and me
You took everything away instead
Taking with you, your heart, care and body

You say you fought hard for our friendship
Still we didn’t speak or see each other for a year
While making yourself the victim of our relationship
And taking from me so much of what I held dear

Yes, I moved way past you in this realm
I lived my life instead of watching it on Facebook
Of course you assume I’m some whore from hell
Your presumptions of me make me want to puke

I cried for you and the loss I felt for awhile
I then I sucked it up and picked myself off the floor
Finally learning how to make myself smile
Suddenly my life was totally mine to explore

I learned so much while you were gone
I discovered I don’t need you or anyone to make me happy
I found a place where I belong
That there is still joy, even with no man standing by me

It was hard to let you in to my life once more
I still had not really gotten used to you, it’s true
It wasn’t long before you were storming back out my door
It’s just, This time I have no interest in chasing after you

Yes, I am a different person then the one you left behind
Now instead of being in love with you, I’m in love with me
I’m sorry if my words hurt, I never set out to be unkind
I kept telling you to move on, but you refused to see

You talk of the magic between us
The special way we touch
I’m sorry those moments are like dust
I don’t really miss them much

You’ve built us up in your head
While systematically making me the enemy 
What we had darling, is dead
Your alone now like you wanted, why aren’t you happy

A Singles Indifference 

A Single must stay in a state of indifference
Always keeping things to themselves
Becoming numb to emotions in a sense
Staying shielded from anyone else

They must not get to excited when meeting someone new
It could be to painful for their wobbly ego
You may say, “I don’t do this” but, you probably do
We’ve all been spun, not willing to let go

A Single must never drop their defeanses
Never let their underbelly show
Being open reminds them of their innocence
This isin’t a bedtime story with a hero 

A single must stay aloof until they can trust
They don’t want to be heartbroken again
Making sure it’s deeper then being in lust
All giving hope they will find love in the end

Business Forplay

The interactions between me and my super hot client (I’ve spoke of him before in The Bees Knees),  the last couple days have been interesting to say the least. Not sexual in anyway (sadly, I do so find our banter fun).  Sadly, sex for he and I is just not in the cards. Funny banter is as sexual as it gets. For our purely business relationship, our interactions are our forplay.

He walked into my work the other day looking sexy as usual. 

“Hey stranger how ya doin”? I ask him as I rise up from my chair and walk towards him. 

We meet each other in the center of the room and as he hands me his packet of bills he says to me, “I’m not well. I have the stomach flu”. 

With that information I quickly took one Large step back away from him  and reached my arms out a bit farther so I could begrudgingly take his paperwork. He saw all of this as well as the look of pure horror on my face (because come on who wants the stomach flu); and said, “I licked every single bill there” as he pointed to the pile he just gave me. 

“Great!” I replied sarcastically “now can you leavel? He flashed me his beautiful GQ smile and left. 

Today I texted him, “hey how are you feeling? I hope you’re better.  I was just wondering if you could get the hours to me so I can do payroll?” 

His response was simple, “I will email them in 10 minutes”

5 minutes later I got an email from him with the hours attached.  “Here you go Ms. Demanding”. 

At the same time he texted me, “be careful with the hours I emailed you, I licked them”. 

I almost died laughing but I had to make a quick response (because as I said before, this is our business forplay); I replied, “great! Now we will have to update our anti-virus software”. 

Just another fun with pun kind of day in LoLa-Land.  

Friends To The Rescue

One of my friends and I met at the nail salon because my toes were just down right embarrassing. While we were there shooting the shit and catching up another one of our friends came into the shop and sat down next to us and talked to us while they did our toes. We were all going to go from there, to dinner. When one of the girls mentioned the friend who introduced us all, and how she was not doing well.  Turns out the man she thought was “the man” was not “the man” after all but just an angry man and not even a good man. 

So, instead of “dinner out”, we opted to walk to the store. Where we purchased sausages, Corn on the cob, asparagus and a large container mixed fruit. We then all took our three seperate cars over to our sad friends house and surprised her by telling her she had to make all four of us dinner. We also brought two bottles of wine.  Our sad friend was already half way done with her own bottle. So, we finished off hers and then polished off the next two bottles.  All the while, bitching about the men in our lives or lack of men in our lives. 

 One of the girls (the only one of us in a relationship), looked at us and said, “you will all meet your soul mates. I don’t doubt it for a second”.  I did.  I do.  I doubt it all the time. I knew I was helping my sad friend by just being there with her; but, I didn’t know what to say to her. 

She said, “I’ve been single two years, That’s long enough. I don’t want to get comfortable being single and then not want anyone in my life”. I understood what she meant. I remember being newly single and writing about my long time single friends and how ritualistic and set in their ways that they were. It was almost like they didn’t have room for love. I never wanted to be like that.  

Yet, Here I am, single just as long as her and set in my ways.  I have my routines and I love them.  I have company stay over sometimes and it’s usually fine with me to have someone in my space. But, I am happy when they leave, so I can be alone to have my time. Have I become the single woman my friend fears?  Or is this happiness with myself just a good thing? 

But, I and my psychotic single behavior was not the focus of the evening; my sad heart broken friend was. So, we laughed with her and she cried. We declared our self importance and all men’s stupidity. We ranted and raved and bitched and moaned.  It was all similar to when cats have meetings. 


But, we were with her.  We were with her In her sadness. We were with her in spirit and in love. Because that’s what girlfriends do for each other. We all helped clean up and we hugged her and reminded her she was not alone.  Then we all left, together (which is funny- odd, right? )  We were like the three whitches from Sleeping Beauty.  We came, we showered with love and glitter, and we left. Hopefully leaving our sad friend not quite so sad.  

Just another Goodwill Day in LoLa-Land. 

Previous Older Entries

Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan