Your Path

I’m taking this journey alone
Because it is mine and mine alone to take
It is a personal persuit for each has their own
Yours is not the choice I might make

I’m following my own voice to my needs
It may effect you but it’s not about you
You can keep on with your begging and pleads
I will still forge ahead and do what I want to do

Maybe the best thing for you is focus
On you, instead someone else or me
Clarity in the end may be your bonus
As your intentions towards self, help you see

As much as I’d love to have you join in
Stand beside me onthis weary path I’ve chosen
There can only be one on a path of self wisdom
For my search of knowledge; to you, may already be known

When I’m Down

I think I am a very lucky soul
Though I am no stranger to love and pain
All of which has taken its toll
But I still look for rainbows after the rain

I have surplus of love that surrounds me
A modest but happy and healthy life
My only wish is to always remain happy
I do what I can to avoid having strife

But times are not always easy
Life can sometimes cast a large shadow
Making us scared or making us queasy
The more we endure the more we grow

I may not feel so lucky without my friends
Without them caring for me when I’m down
I never worry about if our relationship will end
When another man leaves, they are around

These are the woman that check on me when I’m hurt
They hold my hair back when I am sick
They come over with food, wine and dessert
The bring me laughter when life seems horrific

Without my friends I think I’d be a mess
Without their smiling faces to cheer me up
My friends remind me that love is limitless
Instead of half empty, I see my life as a full cup

Friend Zone

“You friend zoned me”
I’m sorry I swear I like  you too
“Then give me a kiss please”
If I do what will become of you?

“I will kiss you again and again”
I wish I could believe that were true
“Why are you scared to let this begin”?
It could be amazing but I’m not new

“What do you mean sexy ?”
You’ve told me for years about your conguests
“Those relationships were all messy”
You ran away from all their interests

“They weren’t right for me like you”
You thought they were all perfect
“What are you trying to ensue”
In this room, we are the  elephant

“Don’t you want to be with me”
I love our time together you bring me joy
“Then stop being such a damn tease”
I’m not trying to be I’m sorry your annoyed

“Jump off the cliff with me honey”
Will you still be there when we hit bottom?
“We can only wish for the best and see”
Will you still be my friend in the autumn?

“Is that what this is about, our friendship”?
If we end, will you still give me hugs with pats?
“Nothing could ever come between our relationship”?
Kiss me, and we will just have to see about that

Skin on Skin

Skin on skin is what I’m missing
That soft velvet touch against mine
I don’t even need any hardcore kissing
some simple touching would be sublime

I yearn for the feeing of another body
Twisting around me like a long braid
Bare skin attached to every part of me
A touch of intimacy it feels like it’s been decades

The heat of another as we lay at rest
Feeling so at ease in his naked slumber
As long as I feel his chest against my breast
I could saw so many logs you’d call it lumber

A goodnights sleep curled up with me in warmth
Only our body heat keeping us at rest
Breaths exchanged back and forth
With no thoughts of ever getting dressed

With only this naked being protected me
His hearts beat lulling me to sleep
Someday it will happen but now it’s a dream
Of skin on skin and sleeping deep

BlindĀ 

I wake up each morning  knowing
What I should have seen all along
Your true intentions are showing
How could I have been so wrong

Gone are those funny little texts
All I hear from you are crickets
It all stopped along with the sex
Feeding into my pool of regrets

How could I have been so blind
Actually thinking you were my friend
It’s obvious you have a different side 
I see now that your words were pretend

But, sure let’s talk about your pain
Tell me again why I should feel bad for you
The hypocrisy in your actions is insane
I’m apalled at your words and what you do

Our relationship has been dead for years
You are the one who chose to leave
Why your mourning our death is unclear
But your the victim that’s clear to see

I’m sorry I don’t feel bad for you sweetheart
It’s more like I’m mad at myself
I thought we had more then the phyiscal part
I thought you were someone else

You Miss Me

It’s been so long since I last heard your voice
I wish before you said goodbye I had a choice

I can hardly remember the slopes on your lips
Gone are the tantric positions and pivoting hips

Giggling mercifully while being stuck together
I Foolishly thought you would be here forever

I miss your super-sized long lasting hugs
They always made me feel “snug as a bug”

Your hot breath blowing against forhead
While being curled up on your big comfy bed

I miss our long discussions about nothing,  really
It’s like being in a Seinfeld episode but it’s reality

Since you moved I’ve missed you so much
It actually hurts for me to keep in touch

It always hurts when I think of you
I do my best to think of something new

I wear my pain of your leaving on my sleeve
From the what I’ve heard you’ve been missing me

Drama

I did not allow myself to be sucked back into the bullshit
You were always so quick to blame everything on her
It’s starting to become clear to me that you are full of it
It was you whos intentions were not so pure

I am not blind to your ways anymore
I’ve been around the block a few times since you
I am not going to be crying about you on the floor
Or get pissed off about the stupid things you do

I’ve learned a lot about men this last year or more
I’ve learned a lot about how they think
You may see me standing in front of an open door
Keep the games up and it will be closed in a blink

I don’t handle bullshit with stride any longer
Infact I usually walk away from it damn quick
It doesn’t do anything but make me think stronger
That you’re just a game player and I’m over it

Drama is just not something I have in my life anymore
There’s no space for the stupidity that ensues
I just wanted to be your friend nothing more
I’m already fed up with the things you do

Keep playing this game you’ve got going on
I’m sure it’s a certain type of drama that some feed into
You will be the victim in your eyes when I’m gone 
And then wonder yet again how I could leave you

Gone LoLa

Yes things between us have changed
You were gone for far to long
You broke me for the last time being estranged
I thought you loved me more, I was wrong

Of course I’m not the same woman You left behind
When you left I was in love with you
I couldn’t imagine my world without you by my side
I was devestated you left for someone new

When we were together I just wanted Sunday’s in bed
More cuddle time all wrapped up together
Massages with feathers and sex on counters of glittery red
While not having to fear any upcoming
departure

But you didn’t move away like you said
Changing jobs, homes, shoes and me
You took everything away instead
Taking with you, your heart, care and body

You say you fought hard for our friendship
Still we didn’t speak or see each other for a year
While making yourself the victim of our relationship
And taking from me so much of what I held dear

Yes, I moved way past you in this realm
I lived my life instead of watching it on Facebook
Of course you assume I’m some whore from hell
Your presumptions of me make me want to puke

I cried for you and the loss I felt for awhile
I then I sucked it up and picked myself off the floor
Finally learning how to make myself smile
Suddenly my life was totally mine to explore

I learned so much while you were gone
I discovered I don’t need you or anyone to make me happy
I found a place where I belong
That there is still joy, even with no man standing by me

It was hard to let you in to my life once more
I still had not really gotten used to you, it’s true
It wasn’t long before you were storming back out my door
It’s just, This time I have no interest in chasing after you

Yes, I am a different person then the one you left behind
Now instead of being in love with you, I’m in love with me
I’m sorry if my words hurt, I never set out to be unkind
I kept telling you to move on, but you refused to see

You talk of the magic between us
The special way we touch
I’m sorry those moments are like dust
I don’t really miss them much

You’ve built us up in your head
While systematically making me the enemy 
What we had darling, is dead
Your alone now like you wanted, why aren’t you happy

Nothing’s ChngedĀ 

Why can’t you Just be honest for once
You have no reason to lie
It’s like you’re afraid to be blunt
Or let someone else be the one to decide

You determine your best out come
Then you let out only the information that works for you
You must think woman are just dumb
Or you wouldn’t do the jacked-up things you do

If you’re going to start something fresh
Why not start on solid ground
What you are starting is just a mess
That won’t be good for anyone around

How does she feel about your actions
Or does she know anything at all
Have you only eluded to some fractions
So she doesn’t freak out when you come to call

Would it hurt her too much to know the truth
About all the things you’ve done she’d feel deceived by
What if she were to come accross some proof
Then your lies would be all you have to hide behind

Have you not learned anything from you and me
Did you care at all how your deception made me feel
You only wanted me until you had your new lady
You need to have a backup plan in case things get to real

I’ve been that stupid girl before
Devastated and yet still loving you
It’s hard to watch you hurt her for a score
It’s more then just sex for her but that you knew

She probably imagines you together again
She probably got her hopes up for what could be
It wasn’t her who wanted your relationship to end
I’m sure fucking her will help her tremendously

Then on the side is little o’me, the one you left behind
The one you said you would respect above the rest
Yet, as soon as your chalenged, it’s “oops you slipped my mind”
Again I’m the stupid girl, feeling like she’s worth less

Keep playing your games with woman
Or just make this other lady your number one
As for who gets you in the end, she can win
Whatever you and I had, it is done 

Friends To The Rescue

One of my friends and I met at the nail salon because my toes were just down right embarrassing. While we were there shooting the shit and catching up another one of our friends came into the shop and sat down next to us and talked to us while they did our toes. We were all going to go from there, to dinner. When one of the girls mentioned the friend who introduced us all, and how she was not doing well.  Turns out the man she thought was “the man” was not “the man” after all but just an angry man and not even a good man. 

So, instead of “dinner out”, we opted to walk to the store. Where we purchased sausages, Corn on the cob, asparagus and a large container mixed fruit. We then all took our three seperate cars over to our sad friends house and surprised her by telling her she had to make all four of us dinner. We also brought two bottles of wine.  Our sad friend was already half way done with her own bottle. So, we finished off hers and then polished off the next two bottles.  All the while, bitching about the men in our lives or lack of men in our lives. 

 One of the girls (the only one of us in a relationship), looked at us and said, “you will all meet your soul mates. I don’t doubt it for a second”.  I did.  I do.  I doubt it all the time. I knew I was helping my sad friend by just being there with her; but, I didn’t know what to say to her. 

She said, “I’ve been single two years, That’s long enough. I don’t want to get comfortable being single and then not want anyone in my life”. I understood what she meant. I remember being newly single and writing about my long time single friends and how ritualistic and set in their ways that they were. It was almost like they didn’t have room for love. I never wanted to be like that.  

Yet, Here I am, single just as long as her and set in my ways.  I have my routines and I love them.  I have company stay over sometimes and it’s usually fine with me to have someone in my space. But, I am happy when they leave, so I can be alone to have my time. Have I become the single woman my friend fears?  Or is this happiness with myself just a good thing? 

But, I and my psychotic single behavior was not the focus of the evening; my sad heart broken friend was. So, we laughed with her and she cried. We declared our self importance and all men’s stupidity. We ranted and raved and bitched and moaned.  It was all similar to when cats have meetings. 

Meow

But, we were with her.  We were with her In her sadness. We were with her in spirit and in love. Because that’s what girlfriends do for each other. We all helped clean up and we hugged her and reminded her she was not alone.  Then we all left, together (which is funny- odd, right? )  We were like the three whitches from Sleeping Beauty.  We came, we showered with love and glitter, and we left. Hopefully leaving our sad friend not quite so sad.  

Just another Goodwill Day in LoLa-Land. 

Previous Older Entries

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan