Goodbye Teacher

This weekend I had to say goodbye to the best vocal teacher I have ever had. I’m not a music major, hell I can’t even read music. But, I love to sing and when I know a song well, I can sing it beautifully. This weekend we put to rest my college choral instructor, Dr. Curtis Springer. Doc was my 6th and (so far) last choral instructor I have had.

When I heard docs choir I knew I wanted in. They sounded so amazing. Their voices would vibrate down the hall of the music building and rattle the Steele locks that hung from the metal lockers. His choir was one made up of people who desired to be musical professionals. They were made up of 80% music majors and the rest a spattering of talented people who just wanted to sing.

When I tried out for Doc I was so nervous. I had no idea what to expect. He had me sing all the chords and then look at a page of notes with no words and hum the song. That is where I bombed miserably. When we were done he looked at me and said, “that was supposed to be Happy Birthday and you didn’t even come close. I love your voice; but, I wonder if you can keep up?” With that he decided to let me into his magnificent choir on a probationary bases. On the terms that I had to sing a solo for him in front of all of the singers in a few weeks, to see if I could keep up. Being slightly insane, I gladly took the deal.

I worked my ass off for Doc. I practiced like crazy. I even let some of my classes like Biology or philosophy fall by the waste side to make sure I was perfect. When It was time for me to do my final try out in front of the class I felt like puking. I could feel their judgement on me. I sang about 35 bars from a Latin song in my first alto voice and when I was done doc walked up to me, stood right in front of me, looked me in the eyes and said, “good job”. It was probably the best day of my life (at least at that 19 year old point), and one of the only compliments he ever gave me. I can’t tell you how many times that man flared up my sensitive tummy issues.

I sang for Doc for two entire years. I sang nestled in between a swarm of opera singers and I loved every minute of it. Maybe it was his bald head that turned bright red when he was mad? Maybe it was because he threw Pencils at us when we screwed up really bad, I don’t know. All I know is he brought out the best singer in me and in all of us. I would get chills listening to us preform. He was the best choral teacher I have ever had and I consider myself lucky being a part of one of his ensembles.

His death came as very sad but unsurprising news. He had been teaching voice since the 70’s and he’d worked with me in the mid 90’s. When they called on his old singers to join in a choral performance at his funeral, I didn’t have a second thought. I knew I would struggle to keep up with the others who could perform at a drop of a hat, but I loved this man for what he did for me and as usual was willing to put my tummy through certain trials, to bring him joy, even in heaven.

There was probably about 70 people who showed up to sing. (Honestly I expected 100’s). The oldest singer was in a wheel chair and looked to be in his 80’s and the youngest (who was a daughter of another one of his students) was 14. We showed up 1 hour before the funeral and quickly went over 52 pages of music. I will admit I was a bit all over the place on the notes in some parts. But I was proud of myself for knowing when to at least sing and not to sing.

Even though doc was not there physically. And some of his old students were instructing us, I feel we did an amazing job especially considering the amount of music we had to learn and in such a short time frame. It was worth it to stress myself out one last time for him. And I hope he heard us where he is now and that he was smiling. Because we gave me chills again singing for his funeral. and I gotta hope that was him approving.

God speed Doc. Thank you so much for everything.

Dr Springer Memorial

Or
Dr Springer Memorial

Keep your love to Yourself

You can keep your love to yourself
You can hold it all in and be strong
You can be happier all by yourself
If it’s how you feel, it can’t be wrong

Whats your way of expressing your love
How do you let the ones you care about know
They may tell you, it’s you they love
But would you let your love for them show

chorus
And he says,
“I told you before that I loved you
You didn’t believe me that I did
I’m sorry my words weren’t good enough
I wont be saying them again”

If I love you then you know it
Because I will tell you time and again
If I love you I will easily admit it
Not too ashamed to feel less in the end

If you brake my heart and lie to me
You could see where I would doubt
That things you may have said to me
Would be lacking a bit of clout

choras
And he says,
“I told you before that I loved you
You didn’t believe me that I did
I’m sorry my words weren’t good enough
I wont be saying them again”

Light soft songstress style
“Keep your love to yourself”

I won’t stop telling you I love you
No matter what you may not say
For me it’s not about controlling you
Or just having it my own way

I could never shut off the way I feel
Not For you or for anyone else
I will always say everything I feel
While you keep your love to yourself

chorus
And he says,
“I told you before that I loved you
You didn’t believe me that I did
I’m sorry my words weren’t good enough
I wont be saying them again”

Light soft songstress style
“Keep your love to yourself”

You can keep your love to yourself
Because you said you loved me before
Before the lies you told me and yourself
How can you doubt why I don’t believe you anymore?

Flamingo Dance

You’re a certain kind of Asshole
One that has no idea what he wants
You travel to the only beat you know
Your ideas are all you have to flaunt

Your pretty feathers are just a rouge
Underneath you are prickly and tough
How can you sleep knowing what you do?
When will the pain you cause be enough?

You preach about how good you are
You boast about the love you feel
As you flirt with others from a far
While demanding that your love is real

You remind me of a flamingo
Confidently dancing around
Everything you do is just for show
Please put your head in the ground

You find joy in teasing those around you
You think it’s fun to play with people’s feelings
You never consider the pain you put them through
Or try to help them with some healing

You skirt around the hard questions
Knowing full well what is being asked of you
You stay “reserved” from beginning to end
All the while looking for something new

You remind me of a flamingo
Confidently dancing around
Everything you do is just for show
Please put your head in the ground

You have stayed too long in this place
Your song has been played too many times
Your heart is missing, nothing is left in its place
And all the lies you tell have combined

Take your one-legged form away from here
As pretty as you may seem
Your ugliness is not appreciated dear
For your abuse, there is just no need

You remind me of a flamingo
Confidently dancing around
Everything you do is just for show
Please put your head in the ground
Please just put your head in the ground and stay there

“At the Waters Edge”

It is a warm night
Clear and crisp
All the stars are in sight
Alone with you in our bliss

It’s not to hot or cold
The air around us is sweet
A mixture of pollen and mold
from the flowers at our feet

I’m intoxicated by your smell
A duo of musk and beer
“Do you like me” I wish I could tell
“What if I fall for him?” is my fear

We walk to the water’s edge
You take care that I don’t slip
We go down the stairs, around the hedge
Then past the wild tulips

Slowly we maneuver the trees
You hold the branches to let me pass
I could tell you were taking care with me
It felt like time was going way to fast

“It won’t be long now
The end will come
It will all disappear some how
You’ll be gone before the sun

You want me to go in the water
Blackness is all that could be seen
“Are you a shy girl?” I am not her
So I proceed to remove my jeans

The water is cold to my skin
It feels like being wrapped in silk
You reached for me to help me in
The moss between my toes is slick

We climb onto a small wood dock
Using a turned over canoe as a seat
As black birds fly above in a flock
And the frogs frolic at our feet

The moon sheds silver all around
You look at me with a wanting stare
I suddenly wished I was on solid ground
“Would he kiss me? would he Dare?”

“It won’t be long now
The end will come
It will all disappear some how
You’ll be gone before the sun“‘

I know it’s going to happen
I feel it in your movement
Our energy feels like magic
This is the prefect moment

You pull me close, you hold me tight
You wrap your hands in my curly hair
There is something special in the air tonight
We have not a worry, not a care

Seeing only your left side
As you look intently at me
Your lips gently touch mine
I am suddenly weak in the knees

Your lips are simply wonderful
Your arms feel strong around me
As I hope your intentions are pure
My body trembles in defeat

But I know it won’t be long now
The end is sure to come
It will all disappear some how
You’ll be gone before the sun

And you were.

Sing With Me

Sing a song with me
It can be any type
How about some public Enemy
“Don’t believe the hype”

Can you carry a tune
Do you want to try
Would a little Fergie do
“Big Girls Don’t Cry”

We could protest in song
We could hope to “legalize it”
How can “One Love” be wrong
In hard times Marley always fits

Drive with me to the coast
Will sing along to the cranberries
“In your Head” I will boast
As we yell out “zombie, zombie”

Dixie Chicks always seem to know how I feel
As Fleetwood Mac picks me up off the ground
They “see our reflection in a snow-covered hill”
and “have the landslide bring us down”

We could harmonize or try to do our best
We could feel our pain with Adele
“The scars of your love leave me breathless”
Rolling in the Deep is just I feel

We could “move like Jagger”
Mix it up with some Adam Levine
We could throw in some swagger
We could become “Dancing Queen”

Whatever you want to listen too
All genres work with me
Rock, Country, Rap, soul or Blues
I Just want to sing!

Wake up and Walk out

You wonder where your dreams have gone
You wonder when everything went wrong

That things that bug you come and go
Just barely escaping your ego

You let them slide, say you don’t care
As the fires in you, they start to flare

“You’ve been down this road
Didn’t care what you were told
Refusing to listen to your own doubt
Wake up sister and walk out”

He said he loves only you
Then he says it to someone you knew

He said he was just kidding
As he pushes you off as silly

You can pretend not to see it
When you see it you will feel it

“You’ve been down this road
Didn’t care what you were told
Refusing to listen to your own doubt
Wake up sister and walk out”

Why didn’t he call you once again
Where was he last night if not in bed

The smell of sweetness on his shirts
Reminds you that he still flirts

Whats becoming of you that you let it slide
When did you start excepting the lies

This was never a trait that would cut it before
You would have raged at him and stormed out the door

“You’ve been down this road
Didn’t care what you were told
Refusing to listen to your own doubt
Wake up sister and walk out”

The signs are there you just refuse to see them
Maybe you have a lesson to learn before it ends

Try not putting up with it, walk with some clout
Truly sister, wake up and walk out!

Patientally Waiting

I want to touch you lover
I want to hold you tight
I want to see how clever
you can be tonight

I would grasp for you my love
Like a soldier just back from war
You would see sparks from up above
And feel a fire in your core

Patiently waiting for the rest of you
Patiently waiting for the best of you
I wonder when will you be mine
I wonder when it’ll be our time
patiently waiting for all of you

I want to feel your skin my sweet
pressed against my heated curves
I want to sweep you off your feet
And tantalize all your nerves

It will be me you wish to see
When you are crying out for more
I’ll be wrapped around your being
Showing you what you have in-store

Patiently waiting for the rest of you
Patiently waiting for the best of you
I wonder when will you be mine
I wonder when it’ll be our time
patiently waiting for all of you

Be quick my sweet don’t make me wait
I can’t hold on to long
I am breathless at what’s at stake
Do you hear this song?

Baby I miss you

Have you been looking for me
like I’ve been looking for you
In all the cars you see
and all the eyes of blue

Baby I miss you, this is true. I’m a fallen soul, when I’m not in your hold.
I fade away without you near, What my heart wants is so very clear.

Do you wonder where I’m at
Like I wonder where you are
Do you think of me like that
wishing for me on shooting stars

Am I on your mind at all
Is it me you wish to see
When your worlds about to fall
are your happy thoughts of me

Baby I miss you, this is true. I’m a fallen soul, when I’m not in your hold.
I fade away without you near, What my heart wants is so very clear.

Is it me you want to call
Do you wish I was calling you
Do you want to reach for me at all
Or do I need to get a clue

When you close your eyes at night
Is it me you see in your mind
It takes everything I have to fight
The urge to call you on the line

Baby I miss you, this is true. I’m a fallen soul, when I’m not in your hold.
I fade away without you near, What my heart wants is so very clear.

 

Change and I

Never been here before, this place of disgrace
never meant to dance through the door, with a smile on my face
and as I search for the truths, hoping it’s the answers I’ll find
nothing is clear to me yet, the doubts I have make me blind

I am at ease when I am alone
Not comfortable in anyone’s home
No one else around to hurt
as change and I continue to flirt

what is this life I have made for me
it’s not all that you think you see
I’m missing something that I can’t define
It’s not a something you can just find

I trust my experiences, I trust my heart
But, still I’m  intent on ripping it apart
I run from love, I run from the pain
I fly like a dove out of the rain

I am at ease when I am alone
Not comfortable in anyone’s home
No one else around to hurt
as change and I continue to flirt

dissatisfied with the past, tortured by the present
how long will this doubt last, I know I learned my lesson
I’m in a  big hurry for my future to begin
and yet not willing to let my past end

Cares for my own well being, are sitting on the back burners
All I want is to do some living,  ignoring all worry and wonders
I’m not who they think I am, I’m sorry to let them down
this was never what I had planned and now I can’t be found

I am at ease when I am alone
Not  comfortable in anyone’s home
No one else around to hurt
as change and I continue to flirt

with tears on my face and a sprint in my step
I want to leave this place, some distance will help
Look for this person I have been missing so long
I hope I find her before everything goes wrong

I’m trying to change, I’m trying to live
I don’t need the rage,  I accept what I can give
I’m not done searching for me, my heart is still torn in two
I’m coasting on this chance to be, but I still don’t know what to do

I am at ease when I am alone
Not  comfortable in anyone’s home
No one else around to hurt
as change and I continue to flirt

Be Well

Be well my sweet
Sleep tight for me
In your arms I’ll be
While I dream my sweet

You say goodbye
You say hello
You say I’m missed
You say I’m not
You kiss me with care
And tease me with more
As you’re walking out the door.

Be well my sweet
Sleep tight for me
Thoughts of you I’ll think
While I dream my sweet

You say you care
You say you don’t
You say no more
Then touch me again
Pulling my hair
and slamming me to the door
That you just walked out of.

Be well my sweet
Sleep tight for me
I’ll try not to scream
while I dream my sweet

I wait for your entrance
I spin from your moods
Struggle with your pain
And sore from your passion
While I sing for more
not wanting you to go
fearing your impending exit.

Be well my sweet
Sleep tight for me
This pain is not needed
in my life my sweet
Be well.

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan