Listening To My Gut 

I had a date with a man today that I was actually quite excited to meet.  We met online a week ago and we have been talking or rather texting this whole time. All of it has been good stuff. I found him to be charming, insightful, honest and polite. There were some negatives (as there always are) but the positives seemed to way out weigh the negatives about him. 

I thought we had made plans to meet in my town (which is about an hour away from his, one of the negatives) at noon.  We had talked a few times about how excited we were to meet one another. And yet I texted him at eleven this morning to see if he was on his way and he had no idea what I was talking about. He said when we had made the plans he was drunk and didn’t remember them. Yet, we had spoken several times since then and not once had he suggested a different time to meet up and even confirmed  seeing me today. 

Though he was sincerely apologetic, when I got off the phone with him, even  knowing he would be there to see me (just a few hours later then expected) I was irritated. And I wondered if my irritation was just some over exaggerated-female Anxt or if I had a true reason to be irritated. I was paused from any forward movement to get ready as I laid on my bed in deep contemplation about whether I should even go out with him or not. Why would I want to meet someone after they’ve pissed me  off? Won’t that only be setting them up for failure? I mean I would be walking into the date with a chip on my shoulder. Then he called…

“Hey, do you think we could reschedule to another day. It’s such a long drive and I have a lot of stuff to do still? Would that be ok?” He asked. 

Now anyone who knows me, knows I hate to be cancelled on; I think it is so disrespectful. So, I said, ” that’s fine.  I was actually thinking about calling you and cancelling myself. But, I don’t think we should reschedule”. 

“What? Why?” He asked. 

“I just don’t feel like meeting me is your priority. And being that this is the first date and your cancelling that doesn’t bow well for us” I replied. 

“But this is the first time we could see each other” he protested. 

“Yes I know!” I was polite yet firm, but I went on, “it strikes me as odd that you were cool with seeing me today and yet you apparently (since he couldn’t remember out plans) couldn’t even be bothered to set up a time to meet me. Not to mention knowing you would see me today why did you not do what I did and, make sure all of your stuff that you have to do was done before today?”  

There was a silence on his end, so I went on, “It just seems to me that if you were really interested in seeing me you would make an effort of some sort and you haven’t at all.  I’m looking for a man who wants to make an effort to see me or feels like it’s no effort at all. It’s just what he wants.” 

After another silence he said, ” wow. Ok then. I’m sorry. Goodbye”. 

I said goodbye aswell and we both calmly hung up. What stuck me enough to write about all of this is how proud I am for listening to my feelings. Knowing what didn’t few right to me inside and sticking to my guns enough to make myself feel better. If I had pretend to have been ok with a new date and rescheduled, I would have been so mad and it and at myself for letting him treat me like that. It would probably have Ben cancelled too. I just feel that if a man is into you he will make an effort.  It’s just time for a better class of men in my life and I’m not taking seconds or being anyone’s after thought anymore.  

Just another growth day in LoLa-Land 

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Black Book Cell Phone

I realized the other day that my phone has become my little black book.  It has every number anyone has ever given me. It has all the facts about all the men I know. It tells me when they’re birthdays are and how reach them. I add notes and pictures to my contacts so when men contact me I know instantly who it is. I even inadvertently set up a audible messing system that works wonders for me at work.  

I have set ring tones for different people for different reasons. If someone I really love and consider family or a best friend messages or calls they get a special ring tone. That way when they text without even looking at my phone I know who it is and if I need to look at it right away. 

  If a man that I like texts me then I give him the whistle ring tone. So when I hear that sound of someone whistling at me,  I automatically get all excited and feel my energy level rise. I tend to look at those messages right away. 

When a man I don’t like or who has wronged me in some way send me a message I usually have changed their ring tone set to the barking dog sound. When I hear that sound I cringe and I feel dthe hairs on the back of my neck pop up.  I usually take my time reading those messages.  

There is one man I know who I feel is the king of all dogs.  Not because he has wronged me in any way but because I know of at least five woman he has slept with and I know he “gets around”. For him I have a special ring and that is the horn sound that they make before the dog and horse races. Because quite honestly I think is the keeper of all the dogs. 

Jumping In The Deep End Of The Ocean

I finally did it last night. I have been talking about it for months but I finally just bit the bullet and did it;  I went back online to a dating site. I went fishing once before and I found some ok guys but this time instead of throwing my handline into the waters I’m jumping in. 

 I am already not liking it to be perfectly honest. There is a list of the men who have checked me out and not commented, winked, liked, thumbs up me etc.(what ever it is). Sadly, that number of men who don’t like me way out number the men who have responded.  I wish I could decide if I do or don’t want to know who has looked at me and have the option to not see.  It’s almost as if some man were to pass you on the street and check you out. Then walk up to you and say, “I just checked you out and I’m just not that into you”, then walk away.  I don’t need to know which guys are not into me. Just like they don’t need to know I wasn’t into them. 

I also don’t like that they can tell I’ve been looking at their profile.  I don’t want every perfect stranger that I check out to know I was checking them out.  If I was checking them out on the street I would be so sly about it they wouldn’t even know. Hell, even the date I was on wouldn’t even know (it’s all about the shades). But online, it’s like a damn banner Accross your head, “THIS WOMAN HAS CHECKED YOU OUT 7 TIMES AND SHE STILL HASN’T LIKED YOU”. 

See that’s my problem too. I bounce around a lot. So, I go back and forth between profiles and read different things; so, I’m sure it looks like I’m stalking them. I need to learn to just read an entire profile before I move on. Then before I move on I need to decide do I like them or not?

I guess I have not decided if I am feeling good yet about my decision to try online dating again. But, I’m committed for 6 months at least so we will see what happens. If I didn’t see it finally happen for most of my friends I wouldn’t even try, but it has.  So, here I go I’m jumping into the deep end of the ocean, head first! I hear that’s where all the good fish are. 

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan