Your Path

I’m taking this journey alone
Because it is mine and mine alone to take
It is a personal persuit for each has their own
Yours is not the choice I might make

I’m following my own voice to my needs
It may effect you but it’s not about you
You can keep on with your begging and pleads
I will still forge ahead and do what I want to do

Maybe the best thing for you is focus
On you, instead someone else or me
Clarity in the end may be your bonus
As your intentions towards self, help you see

As much as I’d love to have you join in
Stand beside me onthis weary path I’ve chosen
There can only be one on a path of self wisdom
For my search of knowledge; to you, may already be known

The Pychic Feelings

I think we all have some kind of psychic abilities it’s just a matter of wether we are able to tap into it, or not.  I’ve been trying to pay closer attention to these abilities within myself and or weird things that happen to me. 
Lately I’ve been noticing that I sometimes get a physical reaction because of other people’s energies.  I first noticed it a few years ago when I was dating a raging alcoholic. I would get physically hot when I was around him and then a bad tightness in my chest.  I now see there are more feelings and reactions. 

When I’m near someone’s who’s super happy I feel warmth. My heart and my being become warm all over. It’s lovely and sometimes I’m almost jealous of the person because I wish it was me. 

When I’m around a person who’s really unhealthy or dying, everything in me gets guiet. You could hear a pen drop in my head. (My head is alway going so silence is weird to me.) It’s almost unsettling. I myself will go inward for self preservation and become very peaceful.  Which I think is why I do well with people who are dying.  

When I’m near a person who’s really angry my chest will ache. I will feel a very bad feeling all over and my chest will just suddenly hurt, like I was punched. So when I’m around really angry people I do 1 of 3 things. 1 I will leave, 2 I will tune them out so I’m almost not listening anymore because it hurts. 3 (this is really bad) I find them humerus for what seems like a lot of negativity for no reason (even though I may not no the reason) and I start to smile and giggle.  All three techniques stop the chest pains.  

When I’m around someone who is really sad my jaw gets tight. I feel very overcome by sadness myself and all I want to do is hug the person. This one is the worst because I can’t hug strangers. So I usually have the feeling until about 10 minutes after the person has left my presence.  

When I’m fortunate to be with someone in love my heart gets warm.  It almost feels like it gets bigger and I become over joyed myself.  When someone has a broken heart my heart will actually ache and hurt with each beat until they leave. 
Add in my on emotions to my life and you can imagine what a hot mess I must be like?  Oh well, what can I do? Except acknowledge it and try recognize what’s me and what’s in my environment. 

Just another “learning as I go” kind of day in LoLa-Land

Molly Time

I love my Molly!  (Seriously not talking about the drug here.) I have a friend name Molly who when ever I am near her I feel way more in touch with my psychic self.  It’s like she’s a conduit to my inner abilities.  

Today I had dinner plans with one of my best friends but she cancelled to go up to the city for the day.  I found myself without plans for the evening; which is very rare and I was kind of looking forward to being alone and yet bummed at the same time.  When suddenly Molly texted me and asked if I “had plans for the evening and could I meet her for a meal after work?” I was instantly excited, flattered, surprised and curious.  I was excited to see her. Flattered she wanted to see me because she’s a very social being who is always doing things and always busy.   I was surprised because I thought she was still in Hawaii but mostly I was curious to see what would happen. You see, whenever I’m around Molls, things just pour out of me.  

We were sitting at dinner and catching up on everything and everyone in our lives. (It’s been a few months since we really got to talk). Then she started to talk about her new job and BOOM I felt this weird energy shift inside of me.  This door like opened in my head and I saw her years ago at our old company where we worked together. I pushed my plate aside and said, “here we go! This is it. Let’s talk about it”

She looked confused, “huh?” She asked. 

“This is why you called me” I responded matter of factly practically rolling up my sleeves. 

“LoLa I called you because you’re my friend and I missed you.” She said defensively but kindly. “I just wanted some time with you. You have been on my mind.”. 

“I know Molls. I was so Happy you texted but I think the reason I was on your mind was the universe knew I could help you. Now tell me what’s up with the job?”

Then she toId me what it was and what her reservations were and I  proceeded to give her the message that I was getting and I do believe it spoke to her.  She said, “I know all of this. I know everything you’ve said to me is true. I just needed someone to say it to me.” 

She was right.  I believe that we think about the friends we need, when we are in weird spaces in our lives. There’s a reason we are thinking of them. We all bring something different to the Table. For some reason with my close loved ones and friends my physic abilities are open wide. When I’m near them I can see and feel different things around them or of them; it’s bizarre and I don’t usually talk about it.  But, Molly knows and she gets it.  I love her for that.  I love my Molly time I always want more.  

Just another wonderful day in LoLa-Land  

Channeling Rebecca

A good friend of mine called this morning with the sad news of her sister, Rebecca’s quick deterioration due to cancer. It’s just a matter of time now before she goes to the other side. My friend asked me if I could channel Rebecca today, to see  if there’s anyway that they can make her comfortable?  My friend said that they were unable to communicate with her because she is not able to speak anymore and They didn’t know if she was comfortable and that’s all they can do for her.

I told my friend I didn’t know what I could do for her without being with them. I wasn’t even sure if my own abilities were real but that I would do my best. And while I was talking to my friend I kept hearing in my head this person saying, “somebody pull open the curtains. It’s so dark in here, is someone dying? Geez!” I could feel this urge to see sunrises and sunsets. Then suddenly I was having a very hard time breathing. I told my friend all of this and then went off to work. 

Sometime in the morning I started to feel better. My breathing became easier and I didn’t feel so worn out.  (At this point I wasn’t thinking about Rebecca I was focused instead on work) My friend then texted me that she wasn’t getting enough  oxygen so they gave her a breathing mask and she was now more comfortable. All I knew was I needed to see sunrises and sunsets and I wish I could hear beautiful music. So I told you friend, “sing to her and show her pictures of sunsets” and she did. 

I was driving home After work at 5pm. I was talking to my friend Crystal on my Bluetooth and I said, “I don’t know what’s going on but I am just blissfully happy for no particular reason right now!” 

“That’s awesome! But, you don’t know why? Do you have a date?” She asked me.

“Of course I have a date but I’m not going to see him for three hours that’s not why I’m so incredibly happy for no reason, I don’t know it’s wonderfully weird.” I responded. 

About and hour later my friend texted me, “Rebecca is mentally on the other side. She crossed over at 5:05 and started talking to J and dad. She is glowing And looks so peaceful and happy. J and dad are doing great and very happy!”  (J and dad are both deceased). I was so sad for my friend and for her families loss and yet knowing Rebecca was happy was so amazing.  

Then my chest became extreamly heavy and I could feel sadness and this feeling of being torn. Knowing I have to go and wanting to go, but not wanting to say goodbye to anyone here. I started texting my friend and the words shot out of me in seconds. 

“I’m sad suddenly. 

She’s gonna miss you all so much! she doesn’t want you to sit in sadness from missing her but she knows you will. She wants you to know she loves you and is thankful. She’s not in pain but her chest is heavy because she knows she must go. She isn’t sure she’s ready, but she has no choice. She’s ok. He’s ok, (I suspect she’s speaking of her son who died recently) you will be ok!”

Then the words were gone and I sent it all to my sweet friend.  I have no idea if I was correct in anything I was feeling or saying. But, I do know that all day my body was reacting abnormally. I also have no idea where my thoughts came from but I don’t feel they were mine. When ever I hear these things I have found it’s important to say them out loud because they may not be significant to me, but they are to somebody. 

Today in LoLa-Land I am just thankful to be alive. Happy end of 2015 everyone make sure to watch the sunset tonight! 

Day 16. Bucket List Trip

Last day in Italy

Finally my stay in this historical beautiful country has come to an end. I’ve had such a wonderful time and can’t thank my friends enough for probably the best birthday present of my life.

We didn’t have a lot that we really wanted to do anymore. The only real big thing was Johnny wanted to see the gallery of bones. So, we walked the few miles over to the museum that housed it. Nestled deep in the basement of another religious paraphernalia church? they had several small rooms which a monk took the bones from a number of dead Friars and made art with them.

 I mean everything was decorated with human bones. Walls were decorated in mystical way with hip bones and fingers. Chandeliers were designed with chest bones, while the rooms would themselves depict respectful scenes  of important Friars in alter form. Mummy like full skeletons laid to rest along the sides and in the front of the alters, while hundreds of leg bones held them in their resting place.

  I thought I would get another heavy feeling in my chest being in this house of death, like I did in the park in Florence and again In the Stephano church, but I was fine. It was all very odd and gruesome at first. But, upon reading how it all came to be. To know that it was art for this monk and that he had nothing but respect for the dead Friars and their bodies everything seemed very pure and thoughtful. You felt the respect and care that must have been taken to keep their holly bones in harmony.

Day 9. Bucket List Trip

I’m on top of the world mom. 

The guys and I went to Boboli Gardens today.  It is nestled right downtown Florence and it houses several smaller  gardens as well. It was a nice break from all the people and noise. There were not a lot of flowers but ever green and beautiful with tons of Ancient Greek statues. 

  
We walked past a central pond with a huge statue in the middle and right there my heart began to ache. My chest very heavy and my throat became tight. I could feel I had been in that place before in another life but it was not a good life for me. I could feel the spirits all around me and Johnny felt them too. We wondered if we had been there together.  I wondered what happened to me? Was I a soldier who died in the war? Was I a pedant who died of the plaque? It was something bad I know that. 

  As we left that garden both johnny and I started to feel better. We then made our way up the hill to the castle that the walls that used to protect the city from soldiers came together.  It was so extraordinarily beautiful and sad.   

 Beautiful because of the landscape. You could see what looks like all of Florence. It was sad because you realize that men died there protecting their family and friends. The Italians did a very telling art instillation to remind you of this fact. 

  
    
 I felt very somber walking around this area. I felt as though I needed to walk softly as the entire location was what seemed the most beautiful grave. 

We continued up the hill to where we found a little cafe we were able to sit and see the city, while drinking champagne and eating chocolate ice cream.  

    
 I asked the server if he realized how wonderfully lucky he was to have the job with the best view ever and he said, “yes I know”. 

It was a beautiful day. I hope you all have a wonderful day too!

  
Cheers

Talking to the Dead

I am starting to come to the realization that I can hear dead spirits talking to me. I have had so many different experiences where the spirit world has affected my physical life. I even have my dead loved ones still getting on me about the things they got on me about when they were alive.
My nana comes to me and holds me frequently. I can feel her around me, not her physical touch but her energy. My sister recently was screaming at me to tell her son something. Something she wanted him to stop doing. I never said a word to him because I felt it was just a dream but I did tell her mom about it and she confirmed with me that what she wanted me to say to him was spot on. This was a trip to me that I was right and that what I heard was probably a message from my sister and not a dream. But my sister and I were always close so I figured I could just hear her because of our bond.

But, then a friend of mine came over recently after being at a funeral for a teacher of hers. She was so devastated over his loss and felt like giving up in her studies and all I could hear besides her, was a sad man saying, “She has so much talent. She has to keep going. She will be amazing.” I didn’t know if I was losing my mind or not. So, I just said to her, “didn’t he think you had a lot of skill? Would he want you to stop?”
“NO” she cried, “he said I had natural talent”.
I had no bond with this man. I had never met him before. But, I swear I heard him. He was so upset about her being so torn. He was desperate to let her know Not to Stop Training!

When I was married I heard my ex boyfriends mom telling me take care of him. I hadn’t seen him in over a decade and didn’t even know how to spell his last name to look for him. I was so perplexed by the message, so I moved on with my life and let it go. He and I are now back together and we have been pivotal to one another for awhile. I hear her words all the time now, reminding me to “take care of his sweetheart”.

I can pin point a moment when a spirit saved my life. I was asleep at my ex boyfriends house. It was a cabin heated by a wood stove in the bedroom. My ex was a drunk and one night before passing out he took a lit log out of the stove because it was too big to close the stove door. I didn’t know it was on fire and neither did I.
While I was sleeping I was dreaming about an older mothering woman who was coaxing me with her soft voice, stroking my hair and rubbing my shoulders. “Wake up LoLa. You need to wake up.” I woke up feeling really groggy and had no idea who the woman was. But I soon found out the cabin was filled with smoke from the smoldering log that lay on his bricks
Once things settled down, we had most of the smoke cleared out, I tried to go back to sleep I remembered my dream and the sweet older lady and realized it was a message. I believe it was his recently departed grandma whom I had never met, trying to save our lives. I am so thankful for her waking me and I often wonder if my dead loved ones were there that night as well?
Do I dare say I am psychic? But then aren’t we all in some way shape or form? Am I psychic or do I just hear dead people? Isn’t that different? I don’t mind at all, I just wish I felt more secure in the messages I get.
Oh well just another day in LoLa-Land

2 minute free Association

In school I had different teachers that would have us write “free Association” style for 1,2 maybe 10 minutes, where you sit down and write. You don’t worry about punctuations or spelling errors. You don’t think about forming opinions or making points. There’s no beginning, body, conclusion. Free association is whatever comes to mind.
I have never done this on my blog I have no idea what will come out and when I do this in my diary I have a hard time figuring out if it is me or if I channel spirits? Because sometimes I do not sound like myself. If anyone has any thoughts on this let me know. Ok timer set…. go!

Its childish to expect that things will always remain the same
Even if history does repeat itself.
To expect the nuances of your day to never be toiled with or drifted upon would be asinine.
One can only consider ones own self worth and it Is imperative to evaluate that self worth off of the fundamentals that lie within that soul not another’s.
Time is what one needs to see the error of his ways.
Time is the essence behind all that stumps and detours us.
Time is the problematic architecture of our joy and our hearts; Accessing our souls unwillingly, time and time again. You must except that time is not a factor for which you can manipulate in regards to the heart.
It will ask for what ever it wants and that will be its sole desire.
All else fall at the waste side and drain us of our thoughts and prayers.
Be strong to the person you are within. Be true to the woman you know you are. Time will answer all of your questions and your hearts fire will burn long and hard.
You will be
( times up)

Haunted

When I first moved into my new place I thought for sure it was haunted. At the time I was dating a man who would get premonitions of the future. It was one of his premonitions that I feel made me fall even harder for him ( but that’s a different story). I asked him if he saw any premonitions that he thought might come from the ghost in my closet and he never felt or saw anything. But I knew that my home had a unsettled soul living in it.
You see almost every time I opened the closet door in the master bedroom I would see a dead man hanging from the back of it. It got to the point after a few months of this, that I would flinch every time I would open my closet door because I would be so scared I would see him again. I would tell you what he was wearing or what he looked like, if I had ever grown relaxed with this vision. But as it was, I would see the man, looking out towards me, his head dipped down to one side, a noose placed securely around his neck, cutting off his oxygen. All I know is I would be so over come with fear and sadness, I would close my eyes and turn away. Whenever I turned back to try and get a better look at him, he would be gone.
I tried everything to get rid of the ghost. I tried blessed tea leaves, saging and nothing worked. I called a friend of mine who’s mom is psychic and I asked her for some guidance. She told me she felt there was no spirit attached to the house. Still he kept hanging amongst my unused clothes.
At some point my boyfriend and I broke up and he moved far away. Before he left he had become more and more angry with me over things that he was imagining in his head. My love for him was always evident to me but he could never accept it. His anger would effect his daily thoughts and his own demons that plagued his heart started to consume him.
When he finally left my ghost left with him. I have had no vision of any type since then. I have had no weird feeling like there is anyone else living here but me. I never worry about what I will see when I open my closet door anymore and now I wonder why. I have thought about this many times and the only plausible thing that makes any sense to me is that the dead man I kept seeing in my closet was not in fact dead at all. I feel now that I was never actually being haunted by a unsettled spirit. But, that I actually was getting my ex lovers premonitions instead of him and the man hanging in the back of my closet was in fact him. I truly believe that if he had stayed with me, If he had stayed here in this place he would have ended up hanging himself in my closet and I would have found him.
I know my home is peaceful now that he is gone and I hope that my ex has found peace with in himself. As for me I think he will be the last man I chose to be with who has a psychic ability like that, because I was grossly ill prepared for his visions.

Grim Reaper

You sit in wait for the final breath
The last heart beat to sound
Your fascinated by the Pain of the rest
Their future is wrapped in your bound

You care not what pain you may bring
The pain of others is almost a game
Your relish in their certain misery
Their response of you is always the same

Plaque this world as you do
Take from us the ones we hold dear
We will all continue to fear you
Your intentions of death remain clear

We will not celebrate your existence
We will not expect you to celebrate us
Please only expect our resistance
Our hatred of you says enough

What do you do with the souls you take
Where do you keep them all
Will you ever have anything at stake
Why must all your actions be so final

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan