Country Song

My man left me for a coffee and never came back
He said all he needed was some caffeine
He left about a year ago and didn’t even pack
It was our last sunrise in the final scene

He loaded the rifle and said no goodbyes to me
He then drove away in my new truck
He said he was gonna fire off some amo you see
I didn’t realize I was the sitting duck

My man said I was just too much to handle
Especially after they said ” “last call”
His love was just like a wick-less candle
Pretty to look at but not useful at all

My man wasn’t man enough to fill his boots
Even though He thought he was better than me
He made love as good as he shoots
He missed his target then shouted obscenities

I used to hate my man for leaving me alone
Then I saw the error of my ways
I know longer worry about if he roams
Because my aim is better than his any day

Brawny Man

I went out last night with a man I’ve been dating. He wanted to take me to meet his friends at Trivia night (which I am horrible at Trivia by the way).  I of course was dreading the trivia but fully enjoying the idea of meeting his friends.  The Brawny man ( I call him the Brawny Man because he looks just like the papaertowel guy) and I have been dating since mid December and had already hit a few rough patches.  We both have amazingly complex schedules, that never seem to align very easily.  Last night was the first time I had been able to spend any quality time with him since two weeks prior.  I was excited just to be able to see him. 

Last night,walked in to the bar and he immediately introduces me to the hostess for the evening and says to her, ” Claire this is Rah… I mean LoLa”. They both laughed and I was irritated. “Apparently, he’s getting me mixed up with his other girl” I said to Claire and then her and I giggled.  For some reason Brawny Man didn’t find it funny. 

So, we’re sitting at trivia hanging with his crew. A bunch of young good looking dudes all in their mid 20’s just taking off in life and Brawny Man is 47; myself, a whopping 43. I was having a great time being surrounded by all the smart, young, sexy guys in the room, feeling much like a mother Hubbard. Then one of them mentioned that it had been a month since they had played. They all concurred with him and patted themselves on the back to show in their manly way they missed each other; brawny man included.  All the while I stood there wondering where the fuck Brawny Man had been if he hadn’t been at Trivia the last four Thursday’s? Because, that is where he told me he was.

I laid low and said nothing. I know enough from my life lessons to check my facts before I freak.  We stopped to get gas on the way home and while he pumped I checked my text history with him and sure enough last Thursday he was going to Trivia and then coming to my house at 9. He showed up at my house At 10:30 but not before texting me that his group came in fifth place. All I was thinking was  “dude, he straight up lied to me”!  As I sat there burning up from the inside. 

He got back in the car and I say, “who did you play trivia with last week if they were all gone?” 

“I didn’t play Trivia last week” he replied

“Yes you did” I insisted 

“No” He insisted as well

“Then what did you do?” I asked him

“I don’t know why?” He asked me

Irritated at his avoidance “you told me you were at Trivia”. 

“No” he answered 

“Mmmmm yeah!  you said you were going to trivia and that you guys came in fifth and you were sitting around talking and that’s why you were so late coming over.”  I reiterated the text I had just reread.  

“Honestly, I don’t remember what I did sorry” was all he gave me. 

I was so pissed instead of asking him to spend the night I told him to drop me at my front gate.  I didn’t even want him to enter my complex. He drove away before I was even safe inside the gate which I felt was very ungentlemanly.  (A man should always make sure a woman is safe before he drives away, no matter how angry he may be) 

Later he told me he wasn’t going to make up excuses about something he doesn’t remember. That he probably went to a movie and dinner for some alone time because I was such a drain on his time off.  This message only further enraged me as I had seen him for all of four hours all of last week. The week before I saw him only two night, this week I was supposed to see him two nights.  Next week we only had two nights available as well. How on earth is that me taking up his time?.  Most woman I know expect a daily visit from their men and honestly aren’t we supposed to want to be with each other?

I was so mad all I could say or think were a bunch of rude snarky comments so I said, ” you lied last week about what you were doing even though you knew I was unavailable. Why would you even need to lie about going to a movie if you knew I couldn’t impose on precious alone time? This just doesn’t make any sense? Which tells me you’re lying again”.

In my gut I know there is something amiss here.   I don’t know if he’s with another woman or not; but, he is hiding something and I don’t have the care or energy to figure out what that may be. It’s obvious, He is just not the right man for me. 

Just Another Failed Relationship In LoLa – Land.  

Christmas In September

The tree is decorated with red bulbs
The presents have all been wrapped
All he wanted were some new golf clubs
She, the black Louis Vuitton’s with the strap

Garland adorns all the Windows and shelves
The smell of cinnamon sticks invades your nose
As your feet get trampled by dogs dressed as elves
The sound of off-pitch Carolers grows

It’s that time of year again where families come together
Suicide rates rise and depression is at an all time high
It the season of being in your car for what feels like forever
Damn the storm the family will be mad if you don’t make the drive

Tis the season to be surrounded by sweets
As if your temptations are not already spread thin
Spending hours at the mall On your feet
Trying not to buy more for you then you do for them

It’s the season for giving again
Your credit card just recovered from last year
Will this show of gluttony ever end
Have we all forgotten what we should hold dear?

Of course this season used to start in December
With the stores sporting all its Christmas goods
Now the hysteria is starting in September
So we can all spend more money then we should

Blind 

I wake up each morning  knowing
What I should have seen all along
Your true intentions are showing
How could I have been so wrong

Gone are those funny little texts
All I hear from you are crickets
It all stopped along with the sex
Feeding into my pool of regrets

How could I have been so blind
Actually thinking you were my friend
It’s obvious you have a different side 
I see now that your words were pretend

But, sure let’s talk about your pain
Tell me again why I should feel bad for you
The hypocrisy in your actions is insane
I’m apalled at your words and what you do

Our relationship has been dead for years
You are the one who chose to leave
Why your mourning our death is unclear
But your the victim that’s clear to see

I’m sorry I don’t feel bad for you sweetheart
It’s more like I’m mad at myself
I thought we had more then the phyiscal part
I thought you were someone else

Four Rooms in Two Days

For my birthday hotel room in Vegas I had to sit back for awhile and asses what was the most important thing to me was. Did I want a jacuzzi tub, a view, a vibrating bed or to be in the center of everything? I decided that I wanted a view.  The view was the most important thing to me.  I chose a hotel that looked nice and also had some high floors.  What finally made me chose the hotel I did over the others was their floor to ceiling panoramic views.  While I was reserving the room on line they offered me a great deal on an upgrade to a king suite in the tower!! It also promised strip views and free breakfast.  So, I jumped on it because I wanted the best view posable and the upgrade promised higher views. 

When my girlfriend and I Got to the hotel her room was done and mine was not. She purchased what I had originally had before I upgraded.  She had this suite on 63rd floor.  ​

We went to eat and after a few hours my room was ready. Because I had upgraded I got to go to the special registration area for the rich and elite.  We waited for awhile while in the nicer registration area, but we were so excited to see the room we didn’t care.  When it was finally my turn I asked my attendant, “my room faces the strip right”? 

“No ma’am but you have a beautiful view of the mountains” she responded. 

“Ma’am I was promised strip views online, that’s why I upgraded” I state rather irritated.  

The woman types away at her computer and say, “ok ma’am I found you another suite” and proceeds to hand me my plastic card.  “Ma’am just go straight behind you to the private bank of elite elevators and go to the 38th floor”. 

“38th? Is that lower than the 63rd floor” I ask, knowing that answer but wanting them to admit it to me. 

She looks perplexed, “yes ma’am it is”. 

Now I’m getting mad.   I’m feeing very screwed at this point.  “Well when I upgraded online I was not only promised a strip view but a higher suite in the tower as well. Why would I be 20 floors lower than my friends who paid $50 less than me” I asked her obviously upset?  

My friend trying to be the optimist says, “let’s go look at it LoLa it may be an amazing view and an amazing room”! 

Spurred on by her excitement I took the keycard begrudgingly thanked the woman helping me and turned to the private elevator waiting to take me to my amazing suite. And Waiting is what we did.  We stood in the fancy lobby for rich people waiting for the rich people’s elevator for 10 minutes. I looked at my friend and said, “your elevators came 10 seconds after we pushed the button”.  

Finally the lift comes and we get on. Anxious as hell to finally see my room. We had already been in Vegas for 3 hours and I hadn’t even gotten rid of my bags. I couldn’t wait to unpack and go see some sites! The doors open and we jump off the elevator, only to discover three steps out that we were only on the 34th floor. I wanted to scream because I knew what was about to happen. I turned back to the three elevators and pushed the up button; and then we waited.  After another 5 minutes a door opened and we took the lift to our floor. 

I put the key in the door and made a little wish, “please be magnificent”! When I pushed the door open I saw the exact same room as my friends.  Which as impressive as it is was not special at all looking at the back of another building and directly over the party pool. My shoulder slumped and my insides started to boil at the same time. 

I sat down at the same desk and lifted the same phone my friend had in her room and called the special rich persons front desk. “Hi this is room 3822 I would like a new room. I was promised a high suite and a strip view this is neither”. 

“Well ma’am with your offer you also get concierge and a free breakfast in bed every day! Up to $30”. (she said the last part very quickly under her breath)!  

“I don’t care about any of that! I just wanted to be up high with a view.  I want to be down graded back to where my friend is and I want a higher room please”. I demanded. 

I heard her computer keys clicking and then she said “ok I can give you a 59th floor and I have credited the $100 back to your card.  Stay in the room and we will bring you your new room key.” Smart woman didn’t want me causing a fit downstairs I bet.  “Ma’am from now on you are no longer a tower suite guest so you must use the regular bank of elevators and the main registration desk for any of your needs”. She Warned me, as if to let me know I was no longer worthy of the rich persons special immunities. 

“Oh THANK GOD!!! Thank you so much for Your help!” I said on the other end of the phone. I don’t think that was the reaction she was expecting. 

Soon our bell rang and a bellhop brought us my new room keys. The only thing o said to him was, “thank you” and ” can you please direct us to the common people’s bank of elevators”?  He pointed through some double doors and off we went.  As soon as we pushed the button on the “normal” elevators one of the doors shot open.  It didn’t take long at all to finally arrived at my newest room and you will never guess what?!    (Wait for it!)    IT WAS EXACTLY THE SAME as all of the rest. 

The next morning around 2:30 when I finally laid my head down to sleep all I could hear was the booming of drums from very loud music.  I couldn’t figure out why it was so loud.  I got up and looked out the window and that’s the first time I noticed there was a pool party pool right below my window. 

extream close up above party pool


But 59 stories to be exact so why on earth can I hear that? I climbed back in bed and ended up tossing and turning until 4am when I finally asked the front desk for earplugs. Which interestingly enough they provide free of charge (that’s not to common is it?) 

When I woke up later that day I called the front desk.  (Yes I did! I had the nerve to) “Ma’am how may I assist you” the woman on the other end asked me? 

“Hi, yes, can I get a room on the other side of the hotel? Up high?”  (Yes I had the nerve to ask for that too.) 

Irritated the woman told me nothing was available but she would call me back if that changed. I thanked her and my girlfriend and I went on our way. About 4 hours later they called and said they had a room on the 61st floor facing the mountains.  I thanked them for their help and accepted the room. I rushed back to the hotel, got the new keycard and gathered up everything I owned and threw it in my bag and off I went to the 61st floor.  Walked into my final home for my final evening in Vegas and guess what, it was exactly the same room.  But, I do love that room. I slept like a baby. 

Just another travel day in LoLa- Land

The Inconsiderate teenager 

I was kind of appalled at my nieces behavior yesterday after her party. Granted she was all hyped up on popularity and sugar but a small amount of appreciation is always needed in these moments.  There were several times last night I would leave the peace of my master suite and make sure the madness of teenager girls wasn’t to maddening. I would usually refill my water cup and cleanup what ever needed to be cleaned up and then go back to my shelter. 

When all the ladies left this morning, I cleaned up the living room and kitchen, took out all the full garbage cans and filled up the dishwasher.  Later I asked my Neice who had the party. “When the dishwasher is  done can you empty it”?  Now officially this is not her chore it’s her sisters but it had been emptied by her sister the day before and was filled up by the party cups. It seemed fare to me to have her put the clean glasses away since she barely did anything else for her own party.  

Instead of doing it she gave me lip!  “That’s not my job”. She said to me in protest. 

“True but your friends filled it up so you can empty it”. I replied. 

“That’s not fare!! Are you going to make her take out the trash”? (The trash is this ones chore).  She asked, as if she had just discovered the best offense to my request. 

“Actually I emptied the trash for you several times” I said not even looking at her. 

“Well I don’t…” She started again with her argument and I interrupted her. 

“You haven’t Even said thank you yet” I noted. 

“For what”? She asked. 

I almost left my sisters house right then and there. Really?! I didn’t get to sleep until 3:30 in the morning because of her and her loud friends. I didn’t have to say yes to chaperoning this event! I didn’t have to get pizza, munchies or doughnuts in the morning and she’s asking me for what?  The biggest thing though that makes me more hurt than anything else is the way she treated me the entire time.

“All you did was host” she said to me and then walked away. 

I don’t know. I feel like my sister is a good mom. I don’t feel like she spoils her kids too much. I don’t know why this one has such a feeling of entitlement like she is some how more deserving then the rest of us  and can treat everyone like shit?  Where does that come from?  

Just Another Jaw Dropping day in LoLa-Land 

Drama

I did not allow myself to be sucked back into the bullshit
You were always so quick to blame everything on her
It’s starting to become clear to me that you are full of it
It was you whos intentions were not so pure

I am not blind to your ways anymore
I’ve been around the block a few times since you
I am not going to be crying about you on the floor
Or get pissed off about the stupid things you do

I’ve learned a lot about men this last year or more
I’ve learned a lot about how they think
You may see me standing in front of an open door
Keep the games up and it will be closed in a blink

I don’t handle bullshit with stride any longer
Infact I usually walk away from it damn quick
It doesn’t do anything but make me think stronger
That you’re just a game player and I’m over it

Drama is just not something I have in my life anymore
There’s no space for the stupidity that ensues
I just wanted to be your friend nothing more
I’m already fed up with the things you do

Keep playing this game you’ve got going on
I’m sure it’s a certain type of drama that some feed into
You will be the victim in your eyes when I’m gone 
And then wonder yet again how I could leave you

Nothing’s Chnged 

Why can’t you Just be honest for once
You have no reason to lie
It’s like you’re afraid to be blunt
Or let someone else be the one to decide

You determine your best out come
Then you let out only the information that works for you
You must think woman are just dumb
Or you wouldn’t do the jacked-up things you do

If you’re going to start something fresh
Why not start on solid ground
What you are starting is just a mess
That won’t be good for anyone around

How does she feel about your actions
Or does she know anything at all
Have you only eluded to some fractions
So she doesn’t freak out when you come to call

Would it hurt her too much to know the truth
About all the things you’ve done she’d feel deceived by
What if she were to come accross some proof
Then your lies would be all you have to hide behind

Have you not learned anything from you and me
Did you care at all how your deception made me feel
You only wanted me until you had your new lady
You need to have a backup plan in case things get to real

I’ve been that stupid girl before
Devastated and yet still loving you
It’s hard to watch you hurt her for a score
It’s more then just sex for her but that you knew

She probably imagines you together again
She probably got her hopes up for what could be
It wasn’t her who wanted your relationship to end
I’m sure fucking her will help her tremendously

Then on the side is little o’me, the one you left behind
The one you said you would respect above the rest
Yet, as soon as your chalenged, it’s “oops you slipped my mind”
Again I’m the stupid girl, feeling like she’s worth less

Keep playing your games with woman
Or just make this other lady your number one
As for who gets you in the end, she can win
Whatever you and I had, it is done 

Invasion Of The Body Snatchers 

I’m in my 40’s as are most of my friends and I am realizing that while I was once  “pre-pre-menopause” ( this was my Doctors actual diagnosis. Not sure how many “Pre’s”, menopause can have? But, that’s what I was).  Now, I believe I am just pre-menopause or maybe even full Menopause! (I type this and I hear the resonating, of that ominous drumming  “Doom,Doom, DOOOOMMMM!!” play in my head.  (Yes, in my head the drums say Doom not boom). 

I have been surrounded by other woman who are being savaged by hormones day and night.  I listen to their accounts of how they feel during any given hour of the day to waking up multiple times at night. I’ve even blogged about conversations I’ve had with friends. Here’s an example in “Is It Hot in Nordstroms “. I have felt so sorry for them and what they are dealing with and yet so scared for my own impending future.  I felt like I was in one of those Sci-fi movies were everyone slowly starts to get invaded by aliens. I see what’s happening and as much as I myself do not want to be invaded I know it’s only a matter of time. (What movie is that? “Invasion of the body snatchers”)?
Slowly I’ve had to come to admit my own defeat. Truly acknowledge that the wait is over and I know longer need to fear the dreaded hormones for I am in fact, already “infected”!!  As I write this at 3AM on a Monday morning. It’s not that I’m a night owl who hasn’t gone to bed yet. No.  I went to bed at 11:30 and woke up in the middle of the night soaking wet, again! It’s so gross waking up in a pool of your own sweat and not even have it be a hot night.  Have you ever had to deal with the “wet spot”? It’s a pain in the ass because it’s usually in the center of the bed and no one want to lay on it because it’s usually clammy and cold against yours skin; yet, usually you want some cuddling and that involves someone being on the wet spot. Well, when you wake up “hormonal” and laying in your own sweat it’s hard to escape the wetspot. Because the wetspot is the same size as your body!  I’m not sure what I would do if I slept with someone each night?  As it is now I can just roll over to the other side of my mattress. 

Then there is the menstral issues. All of my friends and portably even me soon are going on birth control Pills or getting IUD’S put in just to help regulate their periods. I mean it’s like junior high all over again. I never know when I will start or stop. I may be really, really heavy or hardly have a period at all. Sometimes they last 4 days. Sometimes I am just not right for 10 days. There is no rhyme or reason to any of it. Taking “the pill” keeps you on a regular schedule, which would be nice (even though I can’t have kids so it seems idiotic). As It is now, there is no sense in even trying to schedule certain events around my period.  I have found that if I get anywhere near another woman who is having her period; or, is having a hormone Syrge herself, I will end up starting my period again because of her. It gets to the point where you want to stay isolated or only hang with men. You start wanting to poll your friend before you hang out. 

“Hi honey.  I’m so excited to see you later but I was wondering before we do,  are you  experiencing any mood swings currently? Are you curently on your period? Near your period in anyway? Are your pre menstral?” 

Then if any of those answers are yes, i what to continue with,  “oh I’m sorry to hear that honey (cough cough) you know I am just not feeling 100% and I don’t want to get you sick. Can we reschedule for like… 7 days from now?”

I haven’t even mentioned the fact that I consider just walking out of my job (hello! My livlihood- bill payer) on a semi weekly bases for really no good reason at all. It’s like I don’t have any sense at all sometimes. I get to a stage where I am irritated as hell and done; and, I’M NOTHAVING ANY OF IT! 

 So, yes, I do believe it’s official, I’ve been snatched!  There is just no way around it.  My body is no longer my own. I have been invaded by the dreaded “HORMONE”. There is no cure for me. No escaping the hysteria and heat flashes. No avoiding the lack of sleep and trough of sweat. The madness and crying spells.   I must now adjust to this new way of being, where my being is not my own. 

Just another hormone infested day (night) in LoLa-Land 

The Ball-less Man

Being that I was a bit older and over the Highschool drama age when the World Wide Web became a social media for all of us, I had missed most of the backlash that comes from being young,  stupid and online. So, when someone does something immature and possessive on the Internet, it really takes me back a few steps and surprises me.

Recently I had a friend of mine (yes male and no not a lover) contact me via private message on Facebook. We chatted about the fact that his girlfriend dumped him. He said, “she’s probably out trolling for old rich men!”  

I said; “ouch”.  

He then said, “If she knew I said that she would chop off my balls”!

It was a normal conversation between friends and we ended it with him telling me he would call next time he was back in town; so, we could hang out.  

Yet, the next day I woke up to find a private message on Facebook from his ex girlfriend that was a serious of snapshots of his and my conversation.  She literally took four different snapshots that included our entire conversation and sent them all to me.  She included no note or anything else. Just the pictures, which alone spooked me out! So, I did what anyone else would do and I texted (not a message on Facebook) my friend and told him what she did. 

Here is the funny part, I never heard back from my friend at all. Which of course made me worry that he had his balls chopped off. Instead what I did see was his post on Facebook which was a picture with him and his ex girlfriend in it and his Facebook status now states he is in a “complicated relationship”.  So, I’m going with the obvious answer here. His ex or rather girlfriend likes a ball-less man (and obviously in more ways then one). 

Previous Older Entries

Coloring Project – The Frog

Frog

2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
Wifey
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan