Skin on Skin

Skin on skin is what I’m missing
That soft velvet touch against mine
I don’t even need any hardcore kissing
some simple touching would be sublime

I yearn for the feeing of another body
Twisting around me like a long braid
Bare skin attached to every part of me
A touch of intimacy it feels like it’s been decades

The heat of another as we lay at rest
Feeling so at ease in his naked slumber
As long as I feel his chest against my breast
I could saw so many logs you’d call it lumber

A goodnights sleep curled up with me in warmth
Only our body heat keeping us at rest
Breaths exchanged back and forth
With no thoughts of ever getting dressed

With only this naked being protected me
His hearts beat lulling me to sleep
Someday it will happen but now it’s a dream
Of skin on skin and sleeping deep


Gluttonous Weekend

I was such a bad bad girl this weekend
Nothing got done that needed to
I fluttered around doing odds and ins
Only accomplishing what I wanted to do

I didn’t get the bills paid
Who knows if I even have the money
I didn’t get the bed made
Who cares if it’s messy it’s not hurting anybody

I didn’t get my grocery shopping done
I have no lunch to eat today
I didn’t work out or even go for a run
My messy bed begged me to stay

The only energy I spent was having sex
Calling on a lover when ever I was randy
All I had to do was send out a little text
It may sound crass but it sure is handy

I laid in bed like a gluttonous pig
Rolling around in my own filth
I ate what I wanted, drank and smoked cigs
No concern for my tortured health

I thought about showering and shaving
Thinking about it was as far as I got
I took a bath which goes against my water saving
Screw feeing bad, perfect, I am not

I watched so much TV my brain began to rot
I can’t determine what I watched verses reality
It’s almost as if I smoked way to much pot
Always crashing out right before the shows finale

I drank so much this weekend I’m now part fish
Passing out on the couch only happened twice
“Let me not be hung over” was my only wish
With a weekend like this I must pay the price

Never A Dull Moment

Look, I’ve been working for 30 years so far this lifetime and I have seen and dealt with a lot of crazy shit.  I’ve had to try and kill a cockroach with my bare hand while working in the food industry. When I worked with kids I had to talk to an angry father about how I could not make all the kids in the daycare get AIDS tested because his kid kept getting ear infections. While doing books alone in a home for a private contractor, I had the entire cities SWAT team show up at his house to arrest someone in his family and it was just me and the dog chilling.  So, you can imagine when my hot client asked me yesterday, “can I write off prostitutes as Other Proessional Servcies”, didn’t really phase me at all. 

“Was she professional” I asked him

“Not really” he replied

Without skipping a beat I said, “well then you can’t write her off as a business expense. But, you may be able to write off the medical expenses you will surely have from seeing her”. 

(I’m a good bookkeeper because I always try to give my clients good news after I’ve   given them the bad news.) 

Just another boring day in LoLa-Land

Nothing’s ChngedĀ 

Why can’t you Just be honest for once
You have no reason to lie
It’s like you’re afraid to be blunt
Or let someone else be the one to decide

You determine your best out come
Then you let out only the information that works for you
You must think woman are just dumb
Or you wouldn’t do the jacked-up things you do

If you’re going to start something fresh
Why not start on solid ground
What you are starting is just a mess
That won’t be good for anyone around

How does she feel about your actions
Or does she know anything at all
Have you only eluded to some fractions
So she doesn’t freak out when you come to call

Would it hurt her too much to know the truth
About all the things you’ve done she’d feel deceived by
What if she were to come accross some proof
Then your lies would be all you have to hide behind

Have you not learned anything from you and me
Did you care at all how your deception made me feel
You only wanted me until you had your new lady
You need to have a backup plan in case things get to real

I’ve been that stupid girl before
Devastated and yet still loving you
It’s hard to watch you hurt her for a score
It’s more then just sex for her but that you knew

She probably imagines you together again
She probably got her hopes up for what could be
It wasn’t her who wanted your relationship to end
I’m sure fucking her will help her tremendously

Then on the side is little o’me, the one you left behind
The one you said you would respect above the rest
Yet, as soon as your chalenged, it’s “oops you slipped my mind”
Again I’m the stupid girl, feeling like she’s worth less

Keep playing your games with woman
Or just make this other lady your number one
As for who gets you in the end, she can win
Whatever you and I had, it is done 

Dinner ConversationĀ 

As usual my day just wouldn’t be complete without Some totally obscure event or conversation taking place.  So, I was at Outback with my girlfriend having a completely gluttonous meal when she suddenly asks me a question. 

“LoLa, do you know a Head Doctor”? 

I was surprised she was asking me but I was honest. “Well, they have doctors available through my insurance but I have a lady I’ve seen off an on for years who’s really ni…..” I stopped talking because my friend was cracking up.  

“No! No!” She says still laughing, “a HEAD doctor”. 

I looked at her confused. I thought the other name for a therapist was a head doctor. What is she talking about. Then I remembered she works with roses for a living. 

 “Oh do you mean for like your plants? Like dead heading?  Do they have doctors for that? Are your plants sick?” 

Again my friend is sitting there cracking up. 

“You don’t know what it means” She kind of half tells me, half asks me.  “My boyfriend said you of all of my friend would know what it means. Because I had never heard of it before.”

I replied,”I have no idea what you are talking about. But I…”

“Come on LoLa think about it, HEAD DOCTOR, she says looking at me with that all knowing look. 

“Is the Head Doctor have something to do  with blowjobs”? I ask?

She shook her head yes, “it’s someone who loves blowjobs. I knew you wouldn’t know. I didn’t know!”

We just laughed and then I asked her, “so are you one?”  

“I didn’t used to be” she replies with a glimmer In her eye. 

” ‘Used to be’ implies a tense, as in ‘past’, which means that now maybe you are a Head Doctor?” I sort of half asked, half told her.  She just smiled. 

I have the best friends.  I never know what’s going to happen or be said next. 

Just another quite meal in LoLa-Land

Fat That’s Phat

This morning was a typical morning for me, in that I woke up and started working out. Lately I’ve been watching a show called “My 600lb life” during my workouts. I find the show almost inspiring to Keep moving my ass and not let myself ever get morbidly obese again.  I feel so bad for the people being interviewed and I know how easy it is to turn to food when we are going through hard times. You see the over weight people in their normal day. They are usually eating way to much and barely able to move. You want to take all the food from them and yell at whom ever the  enabler is that’s feeding them to “knock it off! It’s a hard show to watch.  

You see them lose weight and start to live again. You see their faces light up when they start to be able to do normal tasks most humans find basic, like using the bathroom.  I remember after losing my weight, feeing like, I can say “yes” to going to the beach because I can make it up and down the hillside or not being afraid to go to an amusement park because I may not fit on the ride again.  

One woman talked about being the largest person in a store and how embarrassing that was for her. How people would stare at her. I remember thinking those exact same things. I remember being at Bunko and thinking, ” I am the fattest woman here”. Or feeling like everyone was judging what I ate or what I was buying from the grocery store, because of my weight.  

Today when I turned the tv on there was a new channel (new to me), called “vice”.  They were playing a show about “feeder and feedies”. These are people who get off sexually from either being fed or feeding someone. This particular show was about one couple and she was the feedie. She was beautiful and big. Just reaching 300lbs and proud of it.  Her boyfriend (who was quite good looking) was a normal size man; gets off on feeding her food. He would rub her large belly as she ate and it turned him on. She was excited by her belly. She loved to rub it too.  She had a New Years resolution to get to 400lbs by the end of the year and eat a King Kong pizza in one sitting.  

I was floored as I watched her rub her own belly, expressing how proud she was of it.  I was happy for her that she loved her size and was happily eating her way to the larger size she longs for but I wondered to myself, “when will it stop? When will she be happy with her larger size?  Will she be able to stop eating as much? Or will her stomach be so big that she has to keep eating and eating (like the people in the “600lb” show do, just to feel full)?  When is enough, enough?” 

My mind was spinning from the two  extremes. I would rather us all be happy with ourselves and our lives and so I found the woman who was a feedie quite refreshing and a bit amazing because she is so the opposite of most woman I know who are constantly trying to lose weight.Wouldn’t  it be nice to eat whatever we want to and love our size no matter how big?  But, I know from personal experience what it’s like to carry around 350+ pounds everywhere you go, it’s draining.  I can’t imagine what 500 or 600 feels like? And as much fun as this woman is having right now, I have to wonder that at some point she’s going to start to feel the drain of Her weight on her bones and wish she maybe hadn’t been so motivated to gain weight.  When will she think she’s maybe too fat and not just phat? 

Just another phat day in LoLa-Land


I will be just as you want me to be
I will wear just what you reguest
I will not moan until you tell me to speak
A response offered to you only by Bequest

I will do what ever you ask of me sir
If it pleases I will pretend not to enjoy it at all
I will take as much as I can endure
If you wish I will be your willing obedient sex doll

I will wait for you as long as you like master
I will position myself anyway you please
I will do as you say going slow or much faster
If it’s your will I’ll remain on my knees

I beg for you to punish me tonight
I’ve been a very naughty little submissive
Tie me up to the cross good and tight
As I show you how deserving I am of some forgiveness

Tell me when I should be ready for you
It is never my intention to disobey your demands
I can’t wait to feel what ever you plan to do
I am your willing slave and will do as you command

Bad Behavior In The Sex Store

Yesterday I had the wonderful pleasure of tooling around San Francisco with my ex boyfriend. This is something we used to always do when we were dating. It’s been almost two years since we’ve been able to go SF shopping; So, yesterday was a real treat.  We did what we normally do and a bit more. 

First of all my ex called it “Joey and Jancie’s day of fun” (A FRIENDS sitcom reference). So, I started our day with Janice’s very loud and annoying laugh “HAaaAaaAaaa!!!”, which I think really set the tone. We were then off to go second hand shopping, get some lunch and check out “Good Vibration’s” (a shop that sells most things anyone needs to have fun, kinky or playful sex). 

The sex shop was my destination of choice because I can get one particular itty bitty little toy there, cheaply compared to the store nearest to my home. Even though I was super excited to go to all the other places and just to be able to hang with my lost friend again, the sex store was A must, for me. 

When we arrived at the Good Vibrations, I was al excited and made a beeline straight to the item I needed. I quickly swooped up  four of them. Stating to my ex, “that should last me about a month.” Which made him laugh. (I go through them quickly, but not that quickly. lol).  I asked the sales lady to hold them at the counter for me and then we proceeded to look around and touch everything. 

This store is fun because they take pretty much one of everything out of the boxes and containers so you can feel it. See if it vibrates and what that feels like or see the actual size, etc. You, as a customer are actually prompted to pick things up and get a better look (but not USE).  So, I guess I crossed the line when I  took one of the riding crops out of the bucket and quickly swatted my ex boyfriend in the ass with it. (Something I knew he wouldn’t mind). He laughed and went “woooo”.  But, the lady behind the counter said, “Ma’am”? 

I looked over towards her, not sure if she was talking to me or not (I figured she was), “Ma’am please don’t use the merchandise in the store”.  (And yes, she was talking to me). 

“Sorry” I said and then giggled because honestly it was worth it!  It felt good hitting him, there, in the store, right then. 

We strolled around and looked at more things. We must have spent about 30 minutes or more looking around. Then I saw it!  An adult coloring book! I was so excited! I had to take a picture of it and send it to my coloring friends. 

That’s when I heard the sphincter police from behind the counter again, “ma’am”. 

I looked behind me once again in her direction and was shocked to find her standing right behind me (damn my ears are bad), “Ma’am we ask that you not take pictures in the store.” 

At this point I was both irritated and giddy. I thought the entire thing was so funny.  I wasn’t trying to cause problems. But, damn I was having a good time doing it. At the same time, I do not like being reprimanded, especially over something so silly as coloring book. 

So I smarted off a bit, “well maybe you should follow me around the store and make sure I don’t break anymore of your rules”!

“Ma’am we ask that you not take pictures for the comfort of the other shoppers” she replied. 

“I highly doubt me taking a picture of a coloring book is making ANYONE else here uncomfortable” I protested. 

Again she looks at me and says, “ma’am we ask no one take pictures in the store”. 

“Ok, ok”, I gave in. I figured they would be kicking me out soon. 

I had never meant for there to be an issue or get into any trouble with anyone. I was being playful and having fun and she was just a big bummer. Yes! She was just doing her job and a fine job at that! But, I was uncomfortable when I left and grumpy. 

I wish they sold the same little toy at Mr S’s Leather.  Your just uncomfortable from the second you walk in that store!! From the gay porn playing above and store clerks in speedos, you have no choice but to become less uncomfortable the longer you stay. Until finally you’re talking about nipple clamps with the hairless sales clerk in chapps. 

Oh well just another fun filled day in LoLa-land

Socks A Must

I had a date recently with a man I’ve known for awhile as just a friend. We met almost 1 1/2 years ago at a group party.  I never thought about him as anyone I would date but when he asked me to go on a hike with him, of course I said yes. We had such a good time we decided to go over to his house afterwards where he promised to make me dinner (again how could I resist)?

I had a great time at his place hanging out and jaw jacking with him as he cooked for us in this mammoth grill he had outback. He got me a yummy red wine to go with my steak (there went all the calories I had burned off). I was touched by his thoughtfulness and surprised how much I was enjoying his company because he was not someone I would normally date at all. He is Very geeky and not very good looking at all. He is the kind  of guy who laughs the loudest at his own jokes and snorts when he does. (Not that he did that on our date).  But, he was funny and oddly quirky which kept me hanging on for more.

I quickly discovered as soon as I got to his home, which was both beautiful and immaculate; that he must have OCD. He had a straight up attack dog I had to spend 14 mins introducing myself too before coming in, about five locks on Every door, (he even had locks on rooms in the house and certain closets) and an alarm. I thought it all a bit off because besides a nice TV the man had nothing in his home that was purchased  in this decade. He wasn’t growing weed or anything. I do believe it had something to do with his disorder.  

At some point I realized I had  too much to drink, as had he. He said I could spend the night and he would be a perfect gentleman and not put the moves on me unless I asked him to. That way I could hang out longer and we could keep playing cards.  (Of course before we played he had cleaned up all signs that a meal was even had at all). 

When it was time for bed he started his obvious routine of locking all the doors again and making sure the dog had gone out. I went into the bathroom and put on the large tshirt he gave me to sleep in. After I brushed my teath with my finger and took off my jeans, I walked out of the bathroom to find him standing completely naked in front of me except for a pair of white calf high socks.  Even though I was quite impressed with his physically chiseled body and extreamly large penis; the fact that he was standing there with just socks on was so unexpected I was cracking up. 

“Why are you laughing” he asked me. 

“Where are your clothes”? I asked. 

“I told you I wouldn’t put the moves on you. I didn’t say I wouldn’t sleep naked like I normally do” he replied. 

“Fine” is said and shrugged “but one more question”?

“What’s that” he asked?

“Socks?” I asked and we both looked down at his cotton clad feet.

“I Have to wear them when ever I sleep” was his response. (I told you he was quirky). But, recognizing he was OCD I knew enough to not bother pushing it because I just wanted to go to sleep. He was true to his word and didn’t lay a finger on me all night. 

Just another crazy date in LoLa-Land

“Fat” Whore

I’ve been trying so hard for over a month now to be careful about what I eat and how much I eat. To excersize every single day no matter what and to take a protein shake to make sure I get all my Nutrients.  I had done really well for the first 4.5 weeks and was seeing a steady stresm of weight loss. I was also staring to get some muscle definition in areas I didn’t even know had muscles. 

But, then I went and stubbed my toe last week (which I talk about  in my blog post Typical). Well I woke up the next day to lift weights and I could barely walk.  So, I didn’t work out.  But I still had pizza that night. Then Saturday I still didn’t work out.  I then went on a lunch date where I had a hamburger and fries. Then that night a girlfried and I went out to the coast and had fish and chips. Sunday I was still being a lazyAss and didn’t work out AGAIN! But treated myself to even more “Fat” gluttony and had a burrito. 

I was thinking about it as I was consuming all of these highly fattening meals. I was feeing like a crack whore looking for some crack no matter what!  But, instead I was being a “Fat” whore. I wanted to get ice cream Sunday night but my Date wouldn’t let me.  And thank god he didn’t because I would have been so sick. It was like my body was going through “Fat” withdrawals and needed me to just go get all the fat I could and bring it into my system. 

I wonder why I am such a “Fat” whore? Why did I have to eat ALL of those fattening foods. Why didn’t I just stick to one piece of pizza instead of four? Or get broiled fish instead of breaded and fried?  Why bother being so good to my body and then be so horrible? And for heavens sake I wasn’t even on vacation! Sad thing is I didn’t even think the burrito or fish and chips were that good. why did I eat it all up then? 

The good news is that on Monday I got off my lazy ass and started working out again.  And I’ve been avoiding the “fats” at all cost. (Including the doughnuts chocolate flourless cake and candy we have at work curently). I just need to figure out how I can have both. A sweet butt and a sweet tooth.  I need to learn, “everything in moderation”? But How do I learn a new habit which doesn’t include over eating?  OY!

Just another self-abuse Day in LoLa-Land

Previous Older Entries

Coloring Project – The Frog


2010 Summer Reading List

Sookie Stackhouse, the complete stories A touch of Dead
Finger Prints & Facelifts
His First Wife, Gracce Octavia
The promise of happiness, Justin Cratwright
Silk & Shadows
The Honey Thief
The marriage
Ya ya Sisterhood book # 3
The Other Boleyn Girl
Wishful Drinking, Carrie Fisher
3 book flower series by Nora Roberts
The Kept woman
Twlight book # 4
twlight book #3

Coloring Project – The Swan